Need help. Thanks in advance!

[lrhforme]

I need some help, and any who offer are appreciated!

I need her back. I'm not naive or some dumbstruck romantic. I've dated a lot of women and finally found the one. I don't approach relationships lightly and I am usually very level headed when it comes to this stuff. In fact, I usually have no trouble walking away from something that just isn't meant to be, and it's typically on my terms.

That being said, I will repeat myself. I found the one. We crossed paths one day, and didn't speak again for about 6 months. We both made a significant impression on eachother, we just never saw eachother again. Six months later, we found eachother and fell in love. Now she's gone.

She gave me several reasons, but reading between the lines, here's the way I see it. She has some attachment issues, and the intensity of what we had messed with her in some way. She thinks that she will be more comfortable with meaningless things, and needed a break. She wants to get herself in order before she continues with us, because I am too important to screw up.

I went to talk to her last night. She was watching TV with one of those meaningless things. I've done all the wrong things since she broke it to me. Professed my love, called and called...everything I shouldn't have done.

Now, what do I do? I know she loves me. No doubt. And like I said, I don't take these things lightly. This is/was serious. Like we wished everyone could have what we had type stuff.

What do I do? The obvious answer is move on. If she loves you, she'll come back. Sure, sounds easy. 90% of my thoughts each day are of her. It's hard. Someone please tell me the right way about going about making this work. One million people could reply and tell me to just get over it, but I won't. I can on the surface, if it helps me rectify things. But inside, I won't.

Please help!

[wholenote]

I feel for you, man.

If you choose to be persistent and keep after her, then please consider this advice: be a Gentleman. I mean, more-so than you would normally be--- go out of your way to be a Gentleman and (as they used to say) 'court' her... The danger in pursuing someone who has said "no" is that you will be perceived as some kind of threat, or someone to be frightened of--- I read lots of posts here where people in our position write and call too much, text-message too much, stalk, whatever... Remember that her guard is up and that you need to respect that first, even if it takes 10 times longer to get her attention focused back on you.

I can't tell you that you will be successful, but... I can tell you two courses of action that definitely will NOT leave you successful:

1) doing nothing
2) doing too much

It's a bitch, but it's often true.....

[imokurnot]

Be confident and don't feel the need to say too much or ask too many questions. She needs to respect you and see you as self confident and not lacking self-esteem. But you can't come off as an ass or sarcastic or like you are acting. Be yourself, be positive(always) and keep it light. I am in the same position and did all the wrong things at first as well trying to profess my love for her to the world. Well this was mainly because she told me I wasn't paying enough attention to her and didn't love her the way she wanted to be loved. Well when I tried it pushed her away. Now I don't pick up on her calls until the second or third and try to not call her myself but once every few days at the most. When I do I never leave a message. That seems to be a good thing too, stay mysterious and don't spill your guts on the voice mail or recorder. Make her curious. These seem to have helped me considerably as she called 7 times today and she is dating someone else or at least was.

If these don't work then she has either lost interest in you or never really had it in you. If she still has some interest in you maybe she doesn't realize it because you are readily available and you show her too much interest and attention. If she likes you and you make yourself a challenge she will respond. If she doesn't like you enough to move towards you then she won't respond. People vote with their feet, if she wants to spend time with you, she will, if not, she won't. I read a book and he said the people in East Germany would climb the wall to seek their freedom thus they voted with their feet. Why? Because they had a high interest in freedom, they voted with their feet because their interest in freedom was strong. People will always vote with their feet and if she wants to be with you, she will, if not you can't make her want to with begging or trying to convince her of things. She may be confused and come back out of pity but then it will never work out in the end anyway. If you try too hard and come off as a wimp she will lose respect for you and you can never get that back once it is lost. Good luck!

[Clifton]

well if you cant get over it, see a counseler, unless your ready for a restraining order, back the **** off and let her be, if you love her, is irrelevant, if she loves you, is irrelevant, your TOO INTENSE for her, she made that clear, she obviously wants something fun, casual, and you CANNOT give her that, back off.. thats my only advice, for your own good back off