Please Leave your thoughts!!

[tonygina]

I am married and have been seeing a married man for 1yr now. We have only had sex 4 times and just hang out and talk the other times we see eachother. I love him! We haven't told eachother that yet. He has said that he misses me all the time. I tried kissing him a few months ago and he pulled away. He said that we were moving too fast. Whatever that meant! Well, 4 months later he says that he's ready to kiss me. I'm wondering why he is ready now. What has changed since then???
Please leave your opinions!!

[Boisdevie]

Get divorced. The go out dating.

[Perez805]

get a divorce.

[MaidenMinx]

You've had sex 4 times and he's pulled away from kissing you? Were you in public?? Be glad you haven't embarrassed yourself by telling this man you love him, the feelings are not reciprocated.

Also, tell your husband the truth and give him the opportunity to leave. If that is too honest for you, end the affair, devote the rest of your life to your husband and learn how to love completely!

[devonbrown]

Here is the reality: You are both cheating on your spouses. You do not have a relationship with this other guy. He is a tool for you to use to cheat on your husband and you are a tool for him to use to cheat on his wife. You two are nothing but means to an end for each other. Nothing has changed, it is just sometimes reality is more clearly seen by one person or another.

[tonygina]

Thank you all. Divorce is not an option at this time. I have 4 kids and they love their dad. I, on the other hand don't. I need him financially. I know that's bad but it's the truth. I know that me and my friend have feelings for eachother. We are both risking losing everything if we get found out. I know we are not doing it just to keep eachother busy. I love him! I am not happy if we don't talk. We tried not talking for 2 months and he came back looking for me. We still hadn't had sex yet. I'm just wondering if he is having more feelings now and that is why he wants to kiss now. Kissing to me is getting deep. I'd have sex before I'd kiss someone. I think more feelings are involved. Anyone can have sex. People have one night stands all the time. Kissing is more passionate and to me shouldn't be done with just anyone. I guess that is why I am confused on why now, he is ready to kiss. I just want to know if he has fallen for me.

[reeba]

So you aren't really having sex, you are purely effing. No kissing, so I'm assuming no foreplay, and I bet you just bend over so you aren't embracing either.

Is sex with your husband that bad, that you think the above is good? You are risking your children's stable household for the above? Are you nuts??????

[MaidenMinx]

Yes that is bad. Why marry your husband and have 4 kids with him in the first place???? Why not try and fix things before they got this bad?

Having quite a few American friends, I do understand you not being able to support the kids on your own. Why not leave them with him? I personally don't think kids are a good enough reason to stay with anybody and here is why. When you are raising kids you are consciously and sub-consciously helping them form the way they view the world and themselves and their place in the world. If staying with your husband is making you miserable you are teaching your kids through example to put happiness last. Seriously, what kind of life lesson is that.

I think you should tell your partner. I know this isn't what you were seeking advice on but if you didn't want this discussed you shouldn't have brought it up. Tell your husband you are unhappy. Tell him you want to stay and help him raise the kids. Tell him you would like the freedom to keep seeking some happiness outside the relationship. And when the time is right, TELL YOUR KIDS!! Personally I'd rather them growing up wary of marriage than thinking that happiness is unimportant. (and before anyone asks, yes I am a parent and I work very hard to show my son that happiness and love go hand in hand.)

[tonygina]

Been there done that. He thinks our marriage is ok. He works from 230pm to midnight and I work the opposite. I could make it on my own with my kids. Im in the nursing field. I just dont want them to miss either of us. U have to know my husband. He is a jerk. He talks alot of crap. Everytime I try to talk to him he just says ok. He is happy. My kids don't know that I am unhappy. They are mostly with me anyway. He is only with them on the weekends. I need him as my sitter. I dont want to leave my kids with just anyone.

@reeba: As far as foreplay goes, yes there is. We aren't just doing it. We hold eachother all the time. Out of 1yr we have only had sex 4 times. That's awesome if you ask me. That means its not just for sex. I just love being with him. We sit and talk for hrs. To me my marriage is over. It has been. I tried fixing things long ago. It's a marriage of convenience. He won't leave her because they have three kids that he loves and child support would ruin him. I understand that. That's why I make the most of what we do have together.

[aenima326]

I'm sorry, I find it odd that you come on this forum because YOU are worried about YOURSELF. Initially you didn't express a single concern for your kids or your current husband. Your selfishness was only accentuated by stating your using your husband for financial security. Your priorities are completely misaligned and your concern for yourself is inflated. Your ONLY concern should be your kids, followed by your husband, followed by some ridiculous complaint about how your not getting what you want out of cheating.

If your husband is a "jerk," why did you have four kids with him? And if this developed later, why was your first response not "lets get our marriage help"? The pieces aren't fitting here, and in my personal opinion, your'e seeking your own needs at the destruction of your family, most importantly your kids.

[MaidenMinx]

I think you misunderstood me. Tell your husband about the affair. Then tell him that would like to keep living with him to help raise the kids.

And kids aren't stupid. They pick up on more than you would ever imagine. If you are as unhappy as you say you are, they know.

And here is a completely radical idea, you could take your kids, he could take his kids and you could live together. :o I know, crazy right?

What is obvious to everyone here but you is, what is going on can not keep going on. Pick a man and deal with the consequences. Behave like an adult and be a good example for your kids. Stop trying to have your cake and eat it too!