Am I crazy? - Should I tell my fiancée that I don't enjoy her crass language?

[hollander77]

Thanks to everyone on this forum. I've appreciated all the feedback and wish I had found the forum sooner.

I'm no saint, but I also don't talk like a sailor. I love my my fiancée and generally love the way she expresses herself but she's accustomed to two particular phrases that really rub me the wrong way.

When she gets busy at working for example, she'll get home and say "I really took it up the ass today." Or when working hard on a project, she'll say she was "balls deep" with work. To be honest, I find both really crass and disgusting. I don't mean to hold women to a different standard, since I know this is coming talk with men, but I just don't find it funny coming from any woman, let alone the one that I love. She does work in finance where, regrettably, a lot of men talk that way. But with her, I literally get this image of someone bending her over and sticking his dick up her ass and I find the phrase and resulting image revolting. Am I wrong to tell her how I feel about it?

Thanks.

[sookie6]

I think you have a valid point...if her language is a turn off to you you are perfectly entitled to ask her to stop using these phrases...explain that in a way it damages the perception you have of her and it's important for the relationship that she stops...

Of course try to sugar coat...start by saying how much you love her and that you want both to be able to be open about everything you feel can help the reltionship..blablabla..

[smackie9]

Instead of giving her a tongue lashing like a disgusted mother, calmly explain to her that it's best to keep that kind of talk at work for there will be a day when you have little ones around. Suggest you both practise cleaning up the language used.......say set up a swear jar, one buck goes in each time anyone of you use a foul context or swears. Use the money towards a new TV or a college fund for your future children.

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe she's just being really honest and she really did take it up the ass at work today. What does she do for a living?

[DarkHelmet82]

"sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"

[hollander77]

I don't care that she curses (even though I don't), but hopefully she understands why that particular phrase is upsetting to me. She had been "talked into" anal sex in college once and it was a bad experience for her. If there was no history about her "taking it up the ass", I could properly view it as a joke. Don't you think she should understand that? It's not right for me to have that image in my head - it's so disgusting for me to think about her that way with someone else.

[Horseyguy]

Maybe she's just being really honest and she really did take it up the ass at work today. What does she do for a living?

Puahahahahahah

[Horseyguy]

She had been "talked into" anal sex in college once and it was a bad experience for her.

Ohhhhhhh it's that GF, the one you have an issue with because of her past boy friends and need to have all the gory details

And now you don't like her language and want her to change that because you still have an issue with what she's done in the past

You are so insecure, just let it go before it does your head !!

If you hadn't pushed her for all the gory details of her past relationships in the first place you wouldn't have even known she had done anal at college, you are bringing this all on yourself

[Boisdevie]

Wish I could talk my GF into anal

[surfhb]

Dude! You're getting married. You might as well let this one slide compared to the bs you're going to put up with with your future wife. Lol!!

[VincenzoG91]

In all seriousness, are you two planning to have kids? Ask her to work on her language, so she doesn't some day find herself in an awkward conversation with a small child about what it means to "take it up the ass" at work.

[hollander77]

Surfhb, you're probably right about that! Maybe I need to select my battles more carefully! There will be other, far more important challenges to tackle in married life!

[smackie9]

Surfhb, you're probably right about that! Maybe I need to select my battles more carefully! There will be other, far more important challenges to tackle in married life!

Yup marriage is no picnic.

[hollander77]

Kids someday yes, if and when we're ready. I'd definitely like to tone down the language but I'm not raising the issue now. I've got years to work on that and like someone else said before, my issue with it is also a part of my insecurity of her past, which I'm getting over. She's a reasonable person. I've told her before that she's too beautiful for those words to come out of her mouth, but I never told her how it really burns my ears.

By the way, Vincenzo, I really like your quote about experience. As I've dealt with some crazy emotions/thoughts/concerns about my past and my fiancee's past, I keep thinking about that quote and it sets me straight.

In all seriousness, are you two planning to have kids? Ask her to work on her language, so she doesn't some day find herself in an awkward conversation with a small child about what it means to "take it up the ass" at work.

[sookie6]

it's one of these threads where a silly issue is hiding something more seriously wrong in the relationship...if you have not yet accepted yourfainceeés past, shoud you really get married now? is it not gonna backfire on you? Do you accept and respect her with her past?

BTW only a naive and immature woman would confess this kinda fact to her husband to be...what you don't know can't hurt...