Get back with ex, or make a go of it with new guy?

[starryeyed]

Hi everyone, I'm just new here, and would appreciate any advice.

Basically a couple of months ago I broke up with my ex boyfriend - we were together for over three years. Things were a bit stale, and I wasn't happy, nothing bad really happened as such but I have since discovered I'm depressed; unhappy with everything in life, more so without him. I'm going to have counselling. I was relying on him too much to keep me happy and that was unfair, and unreasonable.

The more I think about it the more I see what a good boyfriend he was; I just had my own personal problems; I became overly sensitive and highly strung, and felt insecure. Not that he done anything to cause this; he was always singing praises about me and complimenting me all of the time. I've come to realise what a good thing I let go, and I really don't think it's the rose tinted glasses effect. I am realising now how lots of things were my fault.

I still love him and have written him a letter pouring my heart out; apologising for everything, and showing my feelings. I'm debating whether to send it or not - would it upset him? Would it annoy him? I've spoken to him since we broke up and there's no beef, he still likes me and is very friendly too.

Another reason I'm torn about sending it is there's another guy who is interested. I like him too, we've spent time together and he always makes me laugh and is very sweet. But lately I can't stop thinking of my ex. But it wouldn't be right to post my ex the letter on the sly, I'd feel sneaky and like I was betraying the other guy. And what if I sent it but changed my mind after? The new guy is lovely but lately it's my ex that's been on my mind.

What do you think I should do?

I've thought about taking time out, but I'm worried that the longer I leave it the more chance there is of me losing him (the ex) forever; to someone else, or even if he moves on and doesn't want to look back. It's already been two months; though I realise that isn't THAT long to have broken up, I don't want to leave it too long... arg... I dunno! Please help!

Thanks for reading. xo

[im_a_fool]

Don't send the letter to your ex unless you are 100% certain that you want to make a go of things. That would be very hurtful to him and would be a set back for the both of you. And what if he told the new guy about the letter? Make your decision one way or another before you make a move...

[starryeyed]

Ah yes I know - it's just hard because I feel like I will never know for sure! that's not to say the ex would want to make a go of it anyway, I can't assume, but there's a chance he will. I just worry that things wouldn't be any different, so maybe best not - though I'm trying to address my issues. And I want my ex to know how I feel too.

[smackie9]

It's normal to miss the ex in some way, but it doesn't mean you need them. There's a reason why you left him and if you return the issues will still be there. You can't totally blame everything on yourself. Sometimes relationships have an expirey date (gone stale), and it's a signal to move on....you need to have different experiences in your life before you find yourself a husband. Sure you found a guy, but I feel he is just in your interest to replace what you miss about your ex. I don't think you are ready to fully commit to a relationship as of yet. The thing is you haven't given yourself time to just be you and have fun being single. I recommend just casual dating, and let yourself heal.

[smackie9]

We desire the most what we can't have, but when we finally have it it doen't seem to be what we thought it would be.

[devonbrown]

You will never know for sure, and if you are waiting for that, you will always be waiting.

Sending a letter to your ex does not mean you are cheating on the new guy, unless you have already committed to the new guy.

If the ex finds love with someone else, then you will know it was not meant to be. Fate has a way of helping us learn these types of things.

I would say to continue to talk to the ex, date the new guy, and then set a timeframe for yourself, like 3 weeks or so. If you are still feeling this way, post the letter to the ex. If not, then just put it away and concentrate on whatever is making you happy then.

Good luck.