Will my ex boyfriend ever want me back?

[xbexy87x]

Hey guys im new here and would just like some advice really.
This might be a long post but its not a drag I promise and I appreciate any advice given :-)


Basically my ex broke up with me after nearly 2 years because he didnt want a relationship anymore, wanted to be single and do his own thing.

Now 4 months has passed and nothing has changed. We still talk, meet up, have sex, act like nothing has changed as he still calls me my nickname and leaves me kisses but he now doesnt think we should sleep with each other or meet up as much it will be hard. (Btw I have always initiated the sex and meeting up, not him) So I told him that I cant conintue to be friends with him as its too hard and I want more, its now my time to move on with my life.


So we spent our last night with each other and it was so nice, the next day when we left I got upset and he had tears in his eyes too and he told me to go as he didnt want me to see his was upset.
I was doing well and didnt contact him for about 4 days when he txtd me with 'its hard to not think of you and pretend you dont exist :-/' I didnt respond and thought I can do this and go NC...


A few days after this I got quite drunk and you guessed it I broke the No Contact and txtd him etc, I told him my feelings and what I thought and that I needed to know his feelings as I feel like just another one of his ex's he throws away and forgets. We met up and he told me he cares for me, still has feelings but just right now he doesnt want a relationship, doesnt want girls company and do his own thing. If he could he would just start seeing me again but he just doesnt want that commitment right now. He wants to continue being friends and email each other and meet up to take his dog for a walk etc.
I told him I wasnt sure as I was scared that 1. I wouldnt be able to move on properly and 2. he tells me he has met some1 so we cant talk anymore. That would be heartbreaking!


Anyway I sent him his txt after we met up: 'Thankyou for telling me what you did and your feelings. Honestly that is all I wanted. I really understand that you dont want a relationship but I just hope either you'd realise you cant not have me in your life and can't stand seeing me with another guy so you want me there or we start talking and seeing each other again and you decide you want me back. This is just how im feeling now :-/ and I just hope one day we re togther again as I feel you are the one for me xxxx'


He replied with this: 'Well if im honest, all that you hope for is true. Cuz like right now, if ever I wanted a relationship, I cant deny it would be you. You is pretty, adventurous, not a slag, decent job and I know you would be a good mother. And I also dont want you completely out of my life either :-) xxxx P.s would you miss my txts?'

Soo.. That was the nicest thing he has said to me in a while. He may be telling the truth but I just dont want him saying this just to keep me there so I dont go off with another guy and then him come back when he has had his fun.


I also dont know whether to keep with the emailing...


I want him back I really do but is no contacting him the best way to see if he actually starts missing me and realising he cant have the best of both worlds or continue as friends so we dont ever lose contact?

He really HASNT experienced he break up as I am still here and has had the benefits of a relationship.


Sorry this is so long. I do appreciate good advice and feedback, it will help alot!!!
Many Thanks
Becky.

[DarkHelmet82]

wiat so your broken up and still sleeping with him? WHY?

[Nicholas_V]

I think the guy may still have some feelings for you, but he is not in love with you (and he is now in some adjustment process) . I also agree that splitting up with him, but still sleeping with him, doesn't make much sense to me (though I am sure he would disagree). I think you should really consider cutting off the benefits altogether. Either you're together or you're not.

[VincenzoG91]

Cow, milk, free. Try going No Contact for awhile. He will either move on or come back to you, and either outcome would be better than what you have right now.

[DarkHelmet82]

Cow, milk, free. Try going No Contact for awhile. He will either move on or come back to you, and either outcome would be better than what you have right now.

sorry that was funny.. but you are right

[Love&Life]

I agree with Vicenzo, NC. It is like an addiction, cold turkey. If you keep seeing him, it is in your system to continue the same old behaviour. Breaking up has its consequences. Good luck!

[anothermatt]

Either he wants the relationship, or he doesn't. The bit about not wanting it right now is a either a cop-out, or a selfish way of keeping you on the hook. You do want the relationship. He knows that, and he knows what he's doing is sending you the message that you might get it back, whether he really means to or not.

If he's just telling you he doesn't want it right now because he doesn't want to hurt you or have you cut off contact, that's sort of cowardly. If he doesn't want the relationship, he needs to be a man and accept the consequences for that. If that means losing you as a friend, well, too bad. Sometimes, ending a relationship means losing a friend. That's just the way it works. If he's telling you that because he wants to string you along so he can enjoy the benefits of the relationship without the committments, that's total BS for obvious reasons.

Going NC to sort of teach him a lesson and get him to come back isn't really the answer. For one, you might just end up driving him away even further, and for another, you're really trying to manipulate his feelings when you do it. Just being afraid that you might be out with other guys isn't a very solid reason to get back into a relationship.

But you shouldn't have to put your needs on hold while he makes up his mind. He needs to know that you want him back, and you deserve an honest answer about whether or not that's going to happen. If he needs time to think about it, then you deserve a reasonable idea of when you can expect to know if he wants to be with you. I'd lay it out on the line for him just like that, and tell him it's not fair to ask you to stay available to him, either as a friend or partner, until you know for sure what the status of the relationship is.