My girlfriend..... The paranoid @~%$&*@"!

[lost4love]

Hey everyone just wondering about a few things and for peoples opinions on weather I am overreacting or if shes bang out of order.

Been with her 5 months. We are both 25 and its a relatively long distance relationship... 200 or so miles away from eachother.

When we got together she asked an I told her I havent been in a great deal of relationships and the longest had been the 8 months or so mark.

Now to sum me up. With past relationships I like to believe that when a relationship ends you get over it of course. By time you enter a new relationship you are free of any feelings for an ex and you have forgotten that part of your life.

To fast forwards to the recent incidents it was only the other week a row happened with her. She got all paranoid about my ex's and bought it into conversation. I told her I didnt want to talk about them but she almost made it seem relevant in that conversation. Because she wanted to know I ended up going into some more detail about how long I had been with some ex's. I said 1 of the relationships might of been nearly a year and not 8 months but I seriously couldnt remember as it was in the past.

She then flipped out and burst into constant tears saying she doesnt know who I am now because of that since she thought she was special as she would of been 1 of my longest relationships so far. A lot of tension that filled that evening.


Going back to another incident. It was 3 months ago when she was asking if I spoke to girls on my social networking page. I told her I didnt.

Recently I had a friend add off someone I didnt know. She messaged me and said she knew 1 of my old friends. We spoke for a bit. Nothing much really. Just friendly chat with no "x's" in the messages.

Then a few days after another old friend (female) said hi to me, I replied and said hi... again just an innocent chat, nothing in it.

The other day my girlfriend came to stay. I went upstairs and left my social networking window open. I came back to my room and she was in tears shouting at me saying she saw I had inbox messages off women and had replied (thus lied to her).

She demanded me to open them and show her. I of course refused because its all about the trust. She then got her stuff, run to my front door, then crashed in a heap on the floor sobbing like mad.

After I told her fine I would show her. She saw the messages and of course there was nothing to hide. She then insisted I had lied to her and was talking to women on the internet behind her back when I said I didnt talk to any women.

She said as well that ages ago she saw a comment id forgot about that an ex made about a picture i uploaded and her avatar was a baby... she said the baby looked like me and asked if it could be mine (i said 100% i know it isnt of course)

In the end she said we could continue only if I tell her when a girl messages me and dont reply to them.

Today I had a friend request off my good mates long term girlfriend. I dont know her well but I have spoke to her once or twice and she is really friendly. Then my girlfriend saw and demanded yet again that if this girl messages me then im not allowed to reply to her... Her reason was after what we spoke about the other day and how she trusts me but not other women.




Its getting wayyy too much. Like if im looking round in a pub or somewhere she assumes iv seen a girl I know. Or even when we were in another town the other day my GF said some girl was looking at me and did I know her (of course I didnt we were somewhere I had never even been before and didnt know anyone there)

When im with her and say hi to a girl I know she asks after if they are an ex... if I say no then she asks where I know them from and how long iv known them... If I say yes then she tells me she doesnt want me talking to them.

She has started calling too much also. Was in the pub the other day with a mate... was out for longer than I thought n she phoned demanding me to leave the pub so she could talk to me on my way home when im by myself. Then today she called about 15 times when I was at my friends house.


I even tried ending it with her before because its been that bad... but the way she was in tears was just so extreme it made me feel guilty and bad so id take her back.

any ideas?


thanks guys

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dump her, and show no mercy. Be mean if you have to. Hell, you should just lie and tell her that you cheated on her, or you could actually cheat on her and then tell her about it.

What she's doing is controlling you emotionally and that's wrong. Don't tolerate it.

[Dune]

She's being obsessive and possessive over you. Admittedly, a girl jealous over others indicate that she wants you baaaad.

BUT she's overdoing it, and it's pretty clear that she has insecurity/self esteem issues (big time).

Don't dump her like a newborn giraffe. Don't do that if you care for how she feels.

Have a SERIOUS talk with her, letting her know that she has to trust you and allow you space etc. If she goes on like that, chances are you'll dump her anyway regardless of what people say at this forum. Give her a chance (sounds generous?) Hah..

Also, try exploring her history. Any trusting issues/bad breakups that she's been through? Emotional baggage OR emotional immaturity. Find out and fix it if you want to continue being with her.

Just my 2 cents Good luck!

[MerryH]

She's a controlling manipulator and no matter what you do, she's not going to change anytime soon because either she doesn't think what she's doing is wrong, or she doesn't care and can't control herself. Next time you try ending it, don't let her tears and tantrums manipulate you into doing what she wants.

Also, when you refer to your girlfriend as a "paranoid @~%$&*@", it's probably time to end it.

[elleda]

i usually always take the girls' side (lol) but she sounds crazy!

on the other hand, i wonder if you have ever given her reason to act this way? do you gawk when other girls walk by, etc? realistically though, this behaviour is very unlikely to change. also, if she feels that insecure with you, SHE should also realize that the relationship is not right for her either. you both should move on and she should work on her self esteem.

[Cerby]

This is rediculous. . .That level of posessiveness means that there is some underlying issue that she might, or might not know about. Either way, she is attempting to control the shit out of you. . .and 5 months in! You've barely started!

I bet you did something silly like slept with her on the first date and told her you love her a week in Or maybe not, she might just be crazy.


Either way, if its this bad only 5 months in, it will only get worse as she actually falls in love with you. I like to try to give advice that will save relationships, but this girl is f*cked in the head. I agree you should talk to her, over coffee or somewhere neutral where there is little distraction. But go in knowing that ending it is a real possibility.

[lost4love]

Thanks guys.

As far as im aware I have never done anything to concern her. Havent looked at any other girls at all. The only things I could of done to enhance it was not think completely and tell her the complete facts about my past (but then again past is past and im hardly gonna remember everything off the top of my head) and when I said months back I didnt talk to girls online (once again though it was only recently I had messages from the 2 mentioned and she has clearly seen from the messages im innocent.


I think in her past she was cheated on a few times n had 1 long term relationship where the guy ended up being violent.

I havent told her I love her or anything yet but when shes asked about feelings iv told her exactly how im feeling about her which is I like her but theres nothing like loving her yet at all (naturally though since it hasnt been long enough for them feeling to develop yet)


It has been a nightmare when ending it previously. Shes of course been in hysterical tears n told me each time that she may as well drive her car into a wall.... too much guilt would pile up if she actually did

[hello1]

Your girlfriend is very insecure and she does not want you to have any other females in your life apart from her, that means no female friends etc. If you can do that then do it but she will not stop there...she has a problem she needs to get over herself, it doesn't matter if you were a different guy she still be the same.

I once felt guilty someone I dating would hurt themselves if I ended it, and guess what no they wouldn't! it is just an emotional ploy to make you stay and keep you in line. If you do not want to be with a controlling woman then end it now before you fall in love with her. This is coming from a quite controlling woman herself, she needs to learn hard way to stop treating partners like this! I had to learn and have.

[lost4love]

thanks,

i think its deffo best i got rid. 1 of my dilemas at the mo is her mums in hospital having an operation so shes been constantly on the phone in tears to me and has prevented me from saying about calling it a day .



Another thing was the way she had moved us forwards too quickly at an early stage (maybe being possesive at early times). After just the first month she expected us to see eachother at least once a week (i.e i do 1 weekend down to see her and go back mon/tues, then she comes to mine the next for 3/4 days and so on). Since my work hours had been cut I had very little money and she would be upset and have a go at me if I said I didnt have the money to come down 1 weekend.

Now her mums in hospital its been a nightmare. My mum is also ill but shes got a liveable long term disease (so we just get on with it in our house). Last night I was very tired after work and being woke up early by the neighbours. I told her I was going to sleep. I woke up at midnight and saw 7 missed calls off her because she wanted someone to talk to. Today has been the same, shes phoned and spoke to me 3 times already and as much as I know its crap about her mum I still have things to get on with at home and cant be on the phone all day.

[Boisdevie]

Dump her quick.