He is shy but has he now lost interest, or was I just used?

[crazyamy]

Met this guy, thought he was too nice, so kinda avoided him, however turns out he is a nice guy buy he's also really shy, not many friends, a bit of a loner etc. We got to hanging out a bit, he's kinda busy with work this time of year. I wasn't sure he liked me as more than a friend till one night, we were sitting watching tv at mine, and he said something complimentary and stole a kiss on my cheek! It was a strange experience, I felt like a 12 yr old getting my first kiss! Anyway we're calling/texting a lot, quite equal in who's initiating then, so a few months go by, and we get to having a kiss, it was a bit weird, because it was more like lots of little pecks than a proper smooch? So some more time passes, we get to having sex! This was initiated by me but he didn't say no. Another strange experience for me, I've slept with a couple other guys before but nothing like this, no foreplay, he just got on with it, didn't really touch me either, where as anything before, then the guys hands have been everywhere. His inexperience perhaps? So next time we do it, much better, more relaxed, he still does not seem to want to touch me, but we go ahead, afterwards we manage to have a laugh and he tickles my feet etc, we have a cuddle etc, a drink and a chat, big hug and big kiss before he goes.
So to now, sorry its taken a while to get to this, but I wanted to give you some info first. Anyway, I asked him if he'd like to go out somewhere for the day, he said that would be good and I asked him to get back to me when he was free. He didn't mention it again, so he's now texting a lot less, but still replies to me and we text for a while, so when he replies all seems ok, however although he's replying to me he's not calling or texting me first. It's been 4 weeks since I've seen him and this is our last text convo, so wondered if you could read, give me your thoughts and advice, thanks

Me - hey, handsome hows you, been up to anything exciting today?
him - hey u,am doing ok thanks, jus had a nice relaxing day out, how was your day?
Me - where you go to? had a pretty relaxed one too, might go out for a run later
Him - Went over the glen, a run in the motor I take it?
Me - Am certainly no going jogging, of course in motor, you fancy a wee jaunt out somewhere?
Him - Gonna watch the motorcycling on tv, thanks for the offer tho. X
Me - No worries, you still up for a day out?
Him - Yes, that'd be good
Him - (2.5 hrs later at 10.15pm) Hey, where did your run take you to then, what you up to now?
Me - Took the dog up the forest, right now am thinking about cleaning
Him - Cleaning what?
Me - Housework kinda cleaning
Him - Don't worry about that, I'll turn a blind eye to it!!
Me - Haha, I got a pair rubber gloves about your size.

So since then I've heard nothing, been almost a week. So what's going on with him, do you think he is still interested? Am I doing/saying something wrong, what should I do now, I'm determined not to initaiate contact, but it's hard because I know if I did he'd reply, please, your thoughts, advice, thanks

I am shy also and I know I probably should just ask him, but I really don't think I can.

[Nicholas_V]

How can he have used you, if you were the one who initiated the whole sex thing? No, I don't think he has. The way you describe the whole situation sounds like he is inexperienced indeed. I think you should ask him loud and clear where he stands. If he has lost interest, so be it. If not, talk about it. You don't need to make out every time you see each other...!

[crazyamy]

Ok, I initiated first time, he did second time. I think I meant, does it seem like he's using me now, in that he knows I like him, yet he was too busy to go out earlier, but later on he was asking what I was doing, also the bit where he said he'd turn a blind eye to whether I'd done the cleaning or not. It made me feel at the time like he was wanting to come over and get some, could be wrong, could have been that he was just wanting to chat or watch tv?

[Nicholas_V]

could be anything - ask him out to neutral territory (a cafe for instance). Have some small talk followed by this chat I mentioned earlier and get him to tell you what he wants from this. I think he will.

I suppose you know the guy well enough to be sure he is not in some other relationship/married?

[jb1111983]

No he hasn't used you. Lost interest? Maybe. Not sure. You see it's been a few months that you two have been seeing each other. so my guess would be that he just feels secure in this relationship or whatever. We are a little different from you girls. Most of you need to be reassured time and again that we're really into you. Whereas with us guys once we know you like us we don't worry much. And we can do without your attention for a week too or even more. This happened with me and my recent ex. She'd feel insecure if I didn't talk to her for a few days. She'd think maybe I wasn't into her anymore or something when the truth was I was damn busy with work and was still very into her.
In my mind you have 2 options:
1. Don't contact him. Wait for him to initiate. If he truly cares about you he will contact you.
2. Ask him if he's ok because you haven't heard from him for over a week. Chances are he may be busy with work or something and just assumed that you'd understand. Sucks but we guys do that too.

[crazyamy]

Thanks guys, btw, he is def single, no kids, only one or two girlfriends that I know of, nothing lasting longer than a few months. Don't know about sexual experiences but I don't think he'd had much of that before he met me. I'm going to take bits of both your advice. I'm not going to contact him, i'll wait till he contacts me, providing he don't make me wait too long, I'm going to arrange to meet him and we will have a chat about this. and I will pin him down to a day/time for this.
Just have no idea how to go about the chat, I don't want to say anything that will embarrass him or offend him, I can be a bit tactless apparently, so say my friends!! However I'll give it a go, way I feel right now, I've nothing to lose, thanks again guys.

[crazyamy]

Well, he got in touch, by text, after 2 weeks! He just asked how was I, I said I was ok and asked how was he, he replied he'd a week off work this week and was hoping to get good weather. That was it, so I never replied mainly because he gave me nothing to reply to and also because he never mentioned why he'd not been in touch sooner also he never asked why I'd not been in touch. I was pleased to hear from him but am confused by his chosen topic of conversation. Why did he get in touch at all?

[VincenzoG91]

He sounds like a robot. Has he ever displayed any emotion around you?

[Gratedwasabi]

He sounds like a robot. Has he ever displayed any emotion around you?

Yeeeah. I think he might be super inexperienced/awkward with women and wants you to make all the moves. Then he turned you down to watch tv? Wtf? He's an odd one.

Question is, why are YOU still interested in HIM? He's obviously not really blowing your hair back.

[Saya]

Since he has days off work you should ask him out for lunch or something?
But then usually in that text that he sent you, he would ask you out since he has days off... but then he didn't... so he is either really shy... inexperienced or lost interest in you? Or indecisive... indecisive guys are really hard to deal with... I mean they are easy going, but then you have to decide most of the things for both of you so it can be hard to deal with.