How soon is too soon?

**LauraS** · 07-05-11, 10:25 PM

I went out with this guy last week. On the second date I asked him to my place where things got a bit heated, as we were making out. However, he then left before anything really happened. The next day he told me things went crazy fast for him and that I made him feel uncomfortable by initiating things so quickly. Naturally, that made me feel like a total slut. I have actually had mostly serious relationships in my life.
So anyway, the problem is not that he did not want to see me again after that in fact he asked me out again and said he wants to take things slow, but the way his comments made me feel. So guys, considering we are both in our 20s, how soon is too soon to have sex and does the whole 3rd date rule really apply?

**Nicholas_V** · 07-05-11, 10:41 PM

Everyone is different. Perhaps the guy has recently come out from another relationship and is still on recovery. Let him make the next move when he is ready or find someone else.

**zerokool189** · 07-05-11, 10:47 PM

Im sure he is a really nice guy and is probably looking for something more than just a fling. He definitely likes you, he asked you out again. Just bring it up. Communication is very important

**Boisdevie** · 08-05-11, 02:29 AM

When I was in my 20s there was no such thing as too fast. And the whole 'if I sleep with him/show him I enjoy sex' means youre a slut is just idiotic bullshite. If he is 'uncomfortable' with things physical I would take that as a bad sign. Perhaps he's a virgin or very inexperienced.

**sookie6** · 08-05-11, 02:49 AM

he was not ready. He might not be 100% confident with his lovers skills and needs to establish trust before performing...yes some guys can be insecure about sex too...your confidence might have take him by surprise...he likes you though otherwise he would not continue seeing you...what is worrying you now is his opinion of you...I personally think you should be assertive in your choices..if you were ready for sex...nothing wrong with this...you're not a virgin, you' re not a bigot...just a modern woman living in her times...

To you sex is not a tool for mind games, it's just something that you ntaurally want to share with someone you feel attracted to...

**Yet another guy** · 08-05-11, 02:56 AM

Too soon is before both of you want to do it, whether it is after the 3rd date or before the 1st. You obviously do but he for some reason isn't ready. I'd let him take the initiative when he is. If you don't want to wait for him though, it's ok to follow the 3rd date rule and dump him. It doesn't make you a slut. I doubt that his virginity/inexperience is the problem. It has the opposite effect on me at least. I'm guessing that it's religious.

**LauraS** · 08-05-11, 04:00 AM

Well, lets hope he isn't too conservative or too religious, or a virgin in his late 20s for that matter...because that wouldn't be so great either I guess. I have arranged to go out with him again, another date can't hurt, can it

I feel so much better after all of your comments guys, what he said almost did get to me a little.

**Randomness** · 08-05-11, 05:31 AM

Some people just need time, I wouldn't want to have sex untill I know her well (and yes, this is coming from a guy).

**ShellyZ** · 08-05-11, 10:15 AM

There are no rules. Especially not rules as stupid as the 3rd date rule. Honestly, whose bright idea was it to say you HAVE TO have sex by a certain time? Some people (men and women) like to take things slow, and I'm sure they have a million good reasons for it. You're worried because he didn't want to have sex on the 2nd date? Learn some patience. He's probably used to being the one who initiates things and you made him uncomfortable by coming on way too strong. Dial it down a notch and let him take the lead if it makes him more comfortable. Maybe he wants to get to know you a little before he jumps into bed with you (*gasp*).

**LauraS** · 08-05-11, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by ShellyZ

There are no rules. Especially not rules as stupid as the 3rd date rule. Honestly, whose bright idea was it to say you HAVE TO have sex by a certain time? Some people (men and women) like to take things slow, and I'm sure they have a million good reasons for it. You're worried because he didn't want to have sex on the 2nd date? Learn some patience. He's probably used to being the one who initiates things and you made him uncomfortable by coming on way too strong. Dial it down a notch and let him take the lead if it makes him more comfortable. Maybe he wants to get to know you a little before he jumps into bed with you (*gasp*).

I can't say that I am worried because he did't want to have sex, more like about the way that made me feel, so I was looking to hear what other people think about having sex while dating and how quickly they get to it

. As I said, we are going out again.

**surfhb** · 09-05-11, 02:03 AM

Wow....what a dumb thing to say to a sweet girl like yourself!
From a guys pov, don't speak to him and move onto a real man.

On behalf of all men, I apologize for this douche bags behavior.

**Jhizzzosh** · 09-05-11, 04:22 AM

I wouldnt consider that moving to fast. But i also appreciate a girl who doesnt give it up. I have been seeing a girl recently and have been out with her probably 10 times and we havent had sex. I think its good that he doesnt wanna base dating you off of sex!

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