Girlfriend and Family

[TJamesArnold]

I have a problem with my girlfriend and family. My family lives thousands of miles away. I see them roughly twice a year usually at Christmas and during the summer. My problem stems from a divide between my girlfriend and family. While they get along and like each other, my girlfriend is upset at the thought of me traveling without her for 5-10 days to visit them. We are going together in a few months, but I haven't seen them now for more than half a year and would like just a week. My parents offered to buy me tickets and when I declined their offer, I could hear the hurt in their voices. I have been trying to plan an August event but my girlfriend seems to be putting-off asking for time off and I'm starting to grow concerned. I really want to visit my folks, but I'm caught between keeping my relationship solid with my girlfriend and my family.

Help!

[Boisdevie]

Choose between your girlfriend and your family. It is not rocket surgery is it?

[imagineallthe]

if a girl ever breaks up with you because of you wanting to see your family, it's not really a hard loss.

[devonbrown]

I don't think it has to do with your seeing your family. It seems to be a deeper issue than that. Either A) She doesn't trust you to be away from her for that long or B) she is extremely needy and doesn't think she would do well without you for that long. Either way, not the best situation to be in.

I am just wondering how much time do you two spend doing your own thing (not together) normally?

Good luck.

[bluesummer]

She doesn't like you to take time away from her to go see her family???

There are so many potential issues here I don't know where to start....neediness, insecurity, lack of trust, controlling...etc etc. Go visit your family. If doing that ends your relationship, I'd say bullet dodged.

[VincenzoG91]

Is there a major ex-girlfriend living near your parents? Like, your first love, or someone you nearly married?

[Nicholas_V]

spending time with someone else's family (especially if you are not "committed" to each other - or you haven't been long together) does not come easy to many people. She may feel that she has to put on extra effort and just tries to dodge it.

I think the first few posts have made the point though - if you indulge her now on this don't expect thigns to change in the future...

If I were you, I would have an honest conversation with her (there may be some other explanation - see Vincenzo, though the one I mention I think is the most likely) and set boundaries. If she is not happy with these boundaries, better know now than later...

[jb1111983]

She has a problem with you seeing your family? Not cool. Or maybe she wants you to ask her to go with you?