She says we're moving too fast. What should I do?

[Storm2166]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 and a half months now. She's about 4 years older than me and we started dating officially at the beginning of February. She had just gotten out of a year and a half long relationship with an emotionally distant man late in September. She's a very shy girl and very independent. I'm a bit of a late bloomer and this is my first relationship.

Anyways, we had a serious talk a few nights ago. She'd been pulling back for awhile before and now we finally talked about it. She says she wasn't ready for a relationship, but she really liked me so she went for me. She says we moved too fast by spending the night together a few nights a week even though we've only had sex a few times. We also got trashed and dropped the L bomb too soon (we've decided not to use that one for awhile). She wants to stop having sex (we haven't in about a month anyway) and go back to the 'dating' phase that she says we skipped so she has time to work through the issues that she has left over from her last relationship, which ended badly. She says that she feels like she's cheating me out of who she really is by not working through these issues. She feels selfish for asking this because she took my virginity and doesn't want to ask me to wait for her and offered to take a break so I can pursue other women and said she wouldn't see anyone else and would be waiting for me. (this would sound like a death knell to anyone else, but she was choked up and nearly in tears when she said this) She said she felt this was the only way to be fair to me even though she knew I might meet someone else (this is when she started tearing up)

This all sounds like bad news, but she also added that she sees us having so much fun this summer and wants to get through her issues for that. She says I'm the first good guy she's ever dated and she really deeply cares for me, that I'm so bright and funny and outgoing that I balance her out and make her feel so happy when I'm with her. She just wants to slow things down and deal with these issues, and feels like pinning me down to her while she does isn't fair to me. I told her I was willing to wait for her because I care about her a lot (I do), and she said she was relieved by talking about it but told me to make sure I wasn't just telling her what she wants to hear. I also told her that sexually I was going to have her make the first move. I am a little worried that she's moving towards a break up or just not ready for a relationship at all. What do you guys think? I really do want to be with her, but I want to be with her fully. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Do I take what she says at face value and wait for her? Do you guys think we stand a good chance of moving past this and becoming a healthy couple? Or do you think she is a lost cause and I should just make a clean break, deal with the heart ache and move on? Any advice is appreciated. I'm really torn up and confused about this since it's my first relationship and I feel like I'm walking blind.

[DarkHelmet82]

sounds like the issue i am going through... my ex wanted space.. what you need to do is give it too her.

[Cerby]

Heh, it sounds like you're dating MY gf, I went through the same thing.

What I see there is a lot of promise, she has said she wants to be with you, but also wants to work through her own issues while being with you. Yes, going from fast to slow is REALLY tough, especially if sex comes off the table, but this situation she has made it clear she wants to keep things going.

I don't think you need to worry about the relationship (but you will), the tough part for you will be actually going as slow as she wants, it could be months before she comes back on board sexually - are you ready for that?