I cheated on my GF at the begining of our relationship!

[reecehanlon]

I have been with my girlfriend for about 1 year and 2 months. When i first met her i liked her she was funny, kind and everything else but i still felt something missing i never knew what it was i didnt have feelings for her.
3 months in to meeting her iwas at a party and like some kind of joke i kissed another girl twice. i woke up the next morning and knew it was wrong although was able to forget about as our relationship was in the early stages. our relationship continued to grow i fell in love with her and with every day that passed i love her more i knew i never wanted to be with any one else in my life i wanted this girl to be the mother of my children the thought of being without her made me sick to the stomach.
the months went by and we had our year aniversary in april this year things were great better than ever.
one week i had been to a party and people their had been taking cocaine and iused to take it now and again but realy cut down touching the stuff as my GF didnt like it understandably!
my GF found out people at the party were having it and i knew at that point shed think i had. she then asked me if i had any and i told her no i sorted it out for the lads theire as they went in to town and i went home. this was a lie and the truth was i sorted it out for the hours before i left.
i told her this was a lie an hour later.
we argued and i told her i never wanted to lie to her again and that i was so sorry.
the following morning we had a show to gether and jokefully she said to me "you have lost of secrets you sneky boy" i lughed and knew i did not....
just as she said this i remebered that party that horrible mistake 1 year ago and i felt physicaly sick i could not stop thinking about something that hadnt eneterd my mind in a year !
i then started thinking about us and how much we loved eachother and if we were realy going to go the long haul as i wanted i would have to be honest regardless of the consiquences that night at her home i plucked up the courage to tell her i hated my self but also knew that wasnt the me she knew so well.

i love this girl more than anything and will never give up trying to win her back.

but she is adiment we are over and this is killing me.

she has accepted to try and be friends and will see me one day this week for a few hours and then a weeek later on her up and coming birthday.
i obviousley, one day want us to be back together no matter how long it takes.

i cant loose this girl and i dont think she sees why i told her something that could ruin us and how hard that was.
she believes she could never forget about it and i dont think she sees that the majority and best parts of our relationship happened after i made that horrible mistake.

sorry for the long winded post but i needed adivce

[pisces25]

i obviousley, one day want us to be back together no matter how long it takes

It is entirely up to her. All I can advise is leave her alone, don't beg or nag or try and get her to change her mind, just let it be. IMO you did the right thing telling her this secret and whilst the reaction and result wasn't what you had hoped for you at least now have a clear conscience so if reconciliation did happen you no longer have any secrets. Give her time to come around, if she doesn't you need to respect her decision, learn from it and move on.You can tell her to you are blue in the face you are sorry and love her but sometimes the betrayal is too much for some people.

[sunflower77]

I personally dont think you did anything so wrong, i mean it was just a kiss and it didnt mean anything to you and you guys werent even that serious yet. That said, people are different and they deal with lies differently. Perhaps that was only her initial reaction, to break it off, she could come back and forgive you, but in order for her to do that you need to show her that you are serious about her, as in be there for her as a friend, etc but dont nag or beg or become clingy as pisces25 said, she might actually start to miss you.

[smackie9]

Personally I think you should have kept your mouth shut. If you are not engaged or married, you are still fair game. But for the coke thing.....you cannot be trusted where drugs come in. She is looking for a responsible man she can depend on the will be a good provider and role model for her children....you have proven nothing of the sort. You proved to her you are a cheat, liar and used drugs and hang out with unsavory types that you shouldn't be hanging out with in the first place. You blew it. Grow up.