I don't want to give up on my ex, she is my soulmate please help

[avasaur]

I'm 23, and for the longest time I had never met a girl who had really sparked deep feelings within. As I was a junior in college in the east coast last year I took a summer internship in Chicago and upon arriving there I met a local girl with whom I hit it off in the most passionate way I could have ever dreamed of. By the end of our 3 months together we had become so close it felt like we had known each other for a couple years. We decided to count down the months as we both began our senior years of college (she in Chicago, I in the east coast)..it was a countdown because I got a full time offer from the place where I interned in Chicago and I accepted it. During the first semester, we kept in touch via txt, phone, and skype every single day..and monthly or bimonthly visits. We were mad in love I was bursting with joy every day.

During Thanksgiving, I visited her and went to Thanksgiving dinner with her family. That night, back at her place, she told me she had something to confess. She told me she had herpes. I didn't react with anger, I was worried, did some research on it, but I was very withdrawn. I also pressed into her past and learned things I did not want to hear (she had had 24 previous sexual partners and sexual experiences that seared horrible images in my head)...I was beyond jealous and felt betrayed in a childish way...I was constantly conscious about the herpes and jealous about her past and so I was very cold/distant and it showed. I would bring up her past by telling her I had the images in my head triggered by a bunch of things and she would feel bad and cry...we stuck together though, and in January I broke up with her over the phone but regretted it and took her back the next day. We continued with ups and downs but the same issues persisting until late April when she broke up with me. She told me she was still my friend but we were not right for each other. She implied our lifestyles were very different (with her being a heavy drinker, party girl, and weed smoker while I am very health conscious, and wasn't much of a party guy as I worked hard in school)...but I have a feeling that was an excuse for how I was really driving her away and acting like I did not love her anymore. I felt crushed, I begged to no avail..then entered a 30 day no contact period. I cried every day of those 30...proceeding with my daily activities, responsibilities, going to the gym and all..but I just knew deep down that she was the one and I had been a fool. Three days ago I txted her, asking if we could talk..she said yes..I asked her how she was doing..she said she was okay..I told her I wasn't in chicago yet (I will be there tomorrow looking for housing) and she suggested we have dinner..It gave me for a second a glimmer of hope but I told her I missed her and she just answered that she was sorry for hurting me (not that she misses me too)..and then that night when I texted her to see if we could speak on the phone she said no because her friend was over..but didn't bother suggesting I call after her friend left, or another day..or anything..and hasn't even txted me since then. What could this mean? Why would she be like this and yet be willing to have dinner with me? Is she just trying to condole me or pity me at the dinner? I on the other hand want nothing more in the world than to recover my soulmate...and to live my life with her. What can/should I do right now? Please help me out, I'm extremely scared...

[Purrzzzzzz]

in my opinion, you need to meet her.. once more.. ask for complete honesty.. you need to know if there is no chance..

[DarkHelmet82]

I agree... thats what im going to do... but I am going to wait.

[avasaur]

in my opinion, you need to meet her.. once more.. ask for complete honesty.. you need to know if there is no chance..

Should I wait a week or so and see if she contacts me? She should know I'm in town by now...if not, would you contact her via txt (or a call?) and ask for dinner to explain yourself with complete honesty? Our anniversary is
on the 4th of June...would that be a wise date to set up such a dinner? And at such dinner if we have it, how would you proceed?

[avasaur]

I agree... thats what im going to do... but I am going to wait.

How long and why? I feel like I have waited enough...I think she is moving on very well and every day I wait she is losing emotional attachment to me (if she has any left by now) thereby making my second chance
easier for her to refuse and making it harder for me to reach through to her emotionally...

[LoveIsALie]

Avasaur, listen closely. You've hurt her with your previous comments and the way you acted. You can't blame her for pulling away, the very fact that she's still willing to talk to you says it's not completely over (it might also means she just wants to be friends). BUT you need to play it out that way, the dinner should NOT be About your past relationship. This dinner is all about damage control. Let me repeat: DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT THIS DINNER.

What you will talk about is fun things you've been doing, yor goals in life and how closer you are to achieving them, and some fun plans you have for the future; you will listen while she does the same thing. After the dinner say you had a fun time, and leave it at that. Do not call or text her, she will text/call you if she's interested in more. This goes for all guys too, don't make It look like you're desperate in front of a lady, it's a huge turn-off.

[IndiReloaded]

every day I wait she is losing emotional attachment to me ...

Not if she's really your 'soulmate'.

[Mathias]

A little off topic, but this thread keeps showing up with different posters. Can we just have an FAQ explaining the threads we constantly get and what to do - or is everyone going to insist that their case is "special"?

[IndiReloaded]

You're an efficiency expert IRL, aren't you Mathias?

The only forums that would be left is the Off Topic. Almost every poster's question is a recycled one.

[Mathias]

You're an efficiency expert IRL, aren't you Mathias?

Sort of.

It's just frustrating - more because we give the same answers, and nobody ever believes us. It would be nice to point back to several places where we were right, at the very least.

[DarkHelmet82]

right but you can have the right amount of confidence and sweetness to not sound desperate. just because you tell someone you want to be with them doesnt necessarily scream desperation does it?

[Mathias]

right but you can have the right amount of confidence and sweetness to not sound desperate. just because you tell someone you want to be with them doesnt necessarily scream desperation does it?

Yes, but the vast majority of people are very bad at that.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yes, but the vast majority of people are very bad at that.

very true... im gonna give it a shot.. couple more weeks.. wish me luck.. unless she is getting back with her ex, but who knows.. i think im having a brain hemmorage.

[RB7]

You hurt her by turning a cold shoulder to her when she told you intimate details about her past. At the dinner keep it light hearted and fun spirited and dont act as if you are interested in getting back together. Just wish her well on her future and thats it

[kamazaki]

Really hope that you will be together soon bro true love is not easy