BF not sexually attracted to me. Can it work?

[lostnconfused22]

I have just been thinking. There are so many things I love about my BF and we get along really well. I know we have had a few issues in the past but we have sorted through these all. We have talked about the future and what we want and where would would like to be in a few years time and we our goals coincide which is great. The main problem is with our sexual relationship. We have only been together a year and we would be lucky to have sex once a week. We generally lie in bed watching tv talking about lots of different things which is great but there is no sex... no passion when we do have sex.. and generally i have to do it all... he never goes down on me and IF he fingers me its only for a little bit then wipes his fingers on my belly or leg after... I am the sort of person that loves long good kisses and he doesnt ever... there is always an excuse... its only ever pecks... Although this frustrates me there are too many other things that I like about this relationship... Or is this just something that happens to a relationship as it progresses. You just become mates instead?? Things is I like all that other stuff... like kissing... and bubble baths etc etc lol Hmmmmm...

[Boisdevie]

It's not going to work is it? Be honest with yourself. You're either not turning him on sexually or he's just not interested in sex with anyone. Dump him.

[Caragh87]

I would say, don't assume he's not attracted to you just because he doesn't like sex the same way you do.

Everyone goes through peaks and troughs with their sex drive.

Honestly though from the way your talking about it, sex and physical closeness are very very important to you.
Physical intimacy can be a huge part of a relationship, or a small part.

Maybe try and find a point in the middle?

Talk to him because that seems to be your only option, explain your frustrations, desires and needs and tell him that something needs to change and you'll work with him for it.

If all other aspects of the relationship are good then some people would say to stay and try and work it out.
But I am NOT one of those people.

From my point of view, everyone wants to be wanted and if he is not for filling your sexual needs then you may need to look for someone who will!

[lostnconfused22]

Thank you for your replies! Hmmmm I know... I just keep wondering how long it is going to last like this... I mean i dont want to spend my life in a bairly sexless relationship... but I keep wondering if i lose some weight will that change things... I dunno... what if i went into another relationship and the same thing happened... after six months the sex died down... thats why I am wondering if this is something that happens in alot of relationships or not...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why did you mention your weight? Have you put on a significant amount of weight since your started dating?

Was he passionate in bed early on in the relationship?

[vashti]

there is no sex... no passion when we do have sex.. and generally i have to do it all... he never goes down on me and IF he fingers me its only for a little bit then wipes his fingers on my belly or leg after... .

What?

He sounds like a terrible lover.

[smackie9]

Stop settling....if things dry up only after a year it's time to go. Here's the deal, if this was an ideal relationship he would be able to speak to you openly if he had any issues with your weight or whatever else is turning him away from sex. I have a bad feeling he is getting it from somewhere else and is using you as a flat mate.

[steviej]

Are you his ideal woman type?

Fat girls do absolutely nothing for me, my ex was a uk size 12 and whilst it's not considered big, she had a bit of a belly and her boobs and ass weren't up to much, but she was very pretty and we got on great, but i wasn't that turned on by her, despite wanting to be.
Compare that to my gf now who's size 8 with awesome T&A, I'm so easily turned on by her (9months in)

My point, you might not be physically and sexually compatible. It IS a deal breaker.

[lostnconfused22]

No I am still the same weight when we first started dating... I am solid and could prob lose 10 kg to get where I want to be but I have always been like this... I have started working out and eating right and would like to get fit though... I am determined about this... I know I am not exactly what he wants coz he likes the real skinny blonde types... like fit... no fat ass on em... he thinks my ass is fat hes told me... but in a joking kind of way... We used to have sex all the time in the first few months but now everytime I try hell roll over or something... last week i woke him up with a blow job and started ****in him coz he always wakes up hard but then he went soft =( lol I am thinking i am going to have to tell him no blow jobs unless he starts returning the favour and see how that goes down lol

[maxmax]

How that goes down? I thought part of the problem was that he didn't go down? lol ... jk ;o)

[tremolo]

Honey - do you really want to be with someone who finds you sexually undesirable, or who is a crappy lover? I don't know about you, but I want to be with someone who lights up every time I get naked, and who is obviously thrilled to be the man getting inside me. I am always crazy about my partners, and I expect them to feel the same about me. A low(er)-sex drive is one thing, but what you described I would not put up with. I think you deserve so much better.

[steviej]

A conversation is needed with him, he might be suffering erectile dysfunction due to stress maybe or something. It could be nothing to do with you at all!

[kageri]

It could be a health issue but good luck getting a guy to admit to that and bring it up to a doctor. However since he's specifically said he doesn't find you attractive even if it was jokingly and you are not at all his type I'm inclined to think that is not the problem and that things will not improve.

[curiousgurl29]

Really, girl! Enough is enough! Break it off. It may be difficult at first, but you seem very unhappy.

[Boisdevie]

Perhaps he was happy at first because he got to have sex. Then the fact that you are overweight gradually turned him off? Perhaps he wanted you to lose weight - he said you had a fat ass 'jokingly' - perhaps he wasn't joking. You are only 10kg overweight? So what is your BMI? 10kg overweight if you're 2m tall is not a lot. If you're 1 m60 tall then it's quite a bit.