Stalker

[wolfie91]

Being single does not suit me at all.

I recently met a man at work who I clicked with pretty quickly. He was outgoing and funny, and we spent a little while sparring and I ended up giving him my number. I didn't think it was a big deal, and dealt with his texts regularly and reciprocated his friendliness. I was not attracted to him, and tried lightly rejecting him a couple of times (rebuffing sexual comments, and so on).

He got a little creepy last night and was wanting to know all the details of all my past relationships (personal details that I neglected to share). I slept on it, thinking it would seem less creepy in the morning, but he was making some very explicit sexual comments and I rebuked him and told him not to contact me any more. He was calling me more than five or six times a day.

I have to work with this guy in close proximity. He makes me very uncomfortable and he is still being very persistent and violent in his messages to me (which I am ignoring). Will he get over it? Is there anything I can do to keep the situation from getting out of hand?

Also, I am also peripherally concerned that I am just overreacting. I have just gotten out of a relationship that ended pretty explosively and am a little shy of all aggressive displays. Is this just normal post-rejection behavior that is just going to play itself out?

Thanks....

[abn25]

If you gave him your number and answered his texts then you proabably gave him the wrong impression. At this point however I would say his behavior is wierd and I would tell him you're not interested in anything with him and ignore his texts. If he keeps it up I would tell somone maybe in authority at work if it gets out of hand. Be safe.

[Dank]

What exactly is he saying in those texts .... what kinda of aggression.... Sexual aggression? or violent like i'm going to hurt you? .... Should notify the authority in work and the police as well to be safe. Save them messages as evidence. if you want talk to him over the phone and ask him whats your problem and record him so you also got that and make it clear you don't want anything to do with him. Goodluck

[HeartIsAching]

You gave him your number, but you're not interested? Why? I'm not blaming you for his behavior, I'm just a bit confused.

If he's continuing this at work, whether or at work or on your phone, you do need to tell somebody. This is totally unacceptable. I have no idea what stalking laws are like in your country (Croatia?) but threats are almost certainly actionable.

[wolfie91]

I wasn't sexually attracted to him, but decided to wait it out and see if things would develop. He seemed uncommonly nice, and I wanted to give him a chance.

The texts are threatening (not like I'm going to shoot you in the face, but like you are going to regret this and so on).

Also, I am in the U.S. but relocated from Croatia. Sorry for the confusion there. But in any case I am not familiar with laws and so on here. I am hesitant to contact the police: he hasn't hit me or been violent at all. Just mouthy. It's just ringing all kinds of bells in my head and I am more anxious than I should be maybe.

[Dank]

Well i'm from UK, but you can contact the police. and tell me is he some skinny work geek.... whats his background so i have a better understanding

[HeartIsAching]

I wasn't sexually attracted to him, but decided to wait it out and see if things would develop. He seemed uncommonly nice, and I wanted to give him a chance.

The texts are threatening (not like I'm going to shoot you in the face, but like you are going to regret this and so on).

Also, I am in the U.S. but relocated from Croatia. Sorry for the confusion there. But in any case I am not familiar with laws and so on here. I am hesitant to contact the police: he hasn't hit me or been violent at all. Just mouthy. It's just ringing all kinds of bells in my head and I am more anxious than I should be maybe.

In the U.S., it depends on what state you're in - but there are stalking laws just about everywhere in the U.S., and sending a threat can be considered a terrorist threat. You can call the police. Actually, I'd urge it. Why take chances?

[url]http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/making-a-terrorist-threat.html[/url]

[Dank]

Make sure you save the evidence!

[kageri]

Usually just telling the guy to stop or you will contact the police works. You can report someone for threats. You can also get them fired and a restraining order against them for physical threats or sexual harassment without them touching you. Then they can't come within so many feet of you, your living place, or contact you in any way without being arrested. Laws here are pretty strict about such things which is why just threatening to report them to the police and their boss will usually shut them up.

[doppelgaenger]

Can't blame him for wanting a lijepa djevojka iz hrvatska

But seriously, if he starts threatening you, you have every right to get a restraining order, which would make it illegal for him to be anywhere around you. I would personally just tell him to fück off, especially if he's sending you freaky, threatening SMS.

[surfhb]

The US has the strictest workplace harassment laws in the world. Tell him kindly to stop....in a tactful way you know? If it continues, all you need to do is show your boss the evidence and he will be escorted from his job....guaranteed. Im an HR manager for a mid size company so I know this to be true

[MerryH]

Also, I am also peripherally concerned that I am just overreacting. I have just gotten out of a relationship that ended pretty explosively and am a little shy of all aggressive displays. Is this just normal post-rejection behavior that is just going to play itself out?

You're not overreacting. The majority of adults would never call someone 5 or 6 times a day for any reason whatsoever. The majority of adults would think, "Whoa, I need to back off because I've apparently offended this person. I wouldn't want to look like a creep" after being told to stop contacting you. What he's doing is not normal or okay. And yes, he was threatening you. "You are going to regret this" is absolutely a threat. A vague threat, but one nonetheless.

I'm not trying to scare you, but don't second-guess yourself or make excuses for him or even be nice to him. Since you already asked him to stop contacting you, completely ignore him, no matter what. Any response from you at all (even if it's telling him to stop) will just encourage him and keep him going. Can you ask your employer to transfer you to another position or shift so you won't have to run into him at work?

And just to echo others and further reassure you, you can absolutely go to the police with this. I'd imagine they're going to ask what you want done, whether that's a restraining order, a police report, or for them to go talk to him, etc. I'm not sure what all the options you have are, but you can explore that. And it's very very likely that your employer will do everything they can to make sure you're comfortable and safe at your job. After all, it is the US and companies are scared shitless about being sued for allowing this kind of thing to happen on their watch. Don't feel bad about informing them of what's going on.

[wolfie91]

He is one of our welders. He's a big guy but not usually like this.

He followed me out to my car today and I threatened to call the police (it was dark and I got scared) and he went back inside. He has been texting me but I didn't read them.

The thing about the job: it's a privately run auto/motorcycle repair shop. I just started work there and I don't know the owner very well yet. I am afraid he will just fire me if I go to him (I can't do it anonymously I guess because everybody knows anyway), but the idea of going to the police makes me feel sort of dramatic. He hasn't DONE anything, it's just mostly posturing and stupid stuff. Mostly he ignored me today until my shift ended and then he came outside. I am trying to be very, very clear and hoping he will get it and leave me alone. I guess if it keeps going then I will have to do something about it because it's still scary. Maybe I can change my shifts so we aren't working at the same time.

I appreciate the legal direction, though. I've never had this happen before.

And, doppelgaenger, this guy is just očajan, but thank you haha.

[surfhb]

He is one of our welders. He's a big guy but not usually like this.

He followed me out to my car today and I threatened to call the police (it was dark and I got scared) and he went back inside. He has been texting me but I didn't read them.

The thing about the job: it's a privately run auto/motorcycle repair shop. I just started work there and I don't know the owner very well yet. I am afraid he will just fire me if I go to him (I can't do it anonymously I guess because everybody knows anyway), but the idea of going to the police makes me feel sort of dramatic. He hasn't DONE anything, it's just mostly posturing and stupid stuff. Mostly he ignored me today until my shift ended and then he came outside. I am trying to be very, very clear and hoping he will get it and leave me alone. I guess if it keeps going then I will have to do something about it because it's still scary. Maybe I can change my shifts so we aren't working at the same time.

I appreciate the legal direction, though. I've never had this happen before.

And, doppelgaenger, this guy is just očajan, but thank you haha.

You dont have to go to the Police, just bring it up to your supervisor if this persist at work.

[kageri]

While I'm not saying whether it would be right to bring it up to your boss at this point technically it would be illegal for them to fire you over complaining of harassment. Not that they absolutely couldn't pull it off and find some way to fire you while making it look like there's another reason, coming up with a bogus reason is really the only way to fire people safely in the US half the time, but it is illegal and so with obvious recordings of harassment on your phone and everyone knowing what's going on most company owners/managers would not risk trying something like that since you could easily then report them and get your job back or sue and possibly put the whole business under if it's small enough. Like has been said harassment laws in the US are very strict. My husband was talking about a management class he had to take for his CS degree and it turned out when they had a fake company with budget cuts that needed to fire some workers the only safe person to fire was the middle aged white male who was doing a decent job because if they fired anyone else the person could sue claiming they fired them for an illegal reason. They couldn't fire the people who were doing poor work or causing trouble in the work place without risk of causing more trouble than the person would if they continued working there. Sometimes the strict laws are good and sometimes they just mess things up and result in people abusing them.