Why cant he be honest about his feelings?

[taloula bell]

Ok here goes, i have been very close to this guy with the last 3 months, we know each other for 10 years and get on great. He rings and texts every day from the time he gets up in the morning, we spend time together during the week and most of the weekend, we have also slept together twice in the 3 months but he just cant seem to be honest about his feelings even though he does things that make me think he wants us to be together.
He has a 3 year old child who i spend a lot of time around also. He is always asking if my ex knows that we spend all this time together and asks what does my ex think we are doing together, i dnt know why he asks this, he is a very insecure guy even though he makes himself out to be really tough which he is not.
He sent me a text recently saying "u live in the past get into the future i am not ur ex" and when i text back asking what he ment he told me to read between the lines, yet when face to face with him i brought this up and he made up a total crap story which made no sence as to why he text this also he was drinking when he text it and said i should take no notice of what he says when he is drunk. I really have enough of all this guessing work and was thinking of just staying away from him but i know its not easy for him to talk about his feelings and i really care about him, what do i do ?????

[VincenzoG91]

He's an idiot with a drinking problem. Also, he's the one stuck in the past, obsessing over your ex-boyfriend and dwelling on his own baggage. He should probably see a therapist, but I'm guessing that he won't. Try to talk to him about this, but if he won't change, you should leave him.

[smackie9]

Better put your feelings aside and take a real good look at what he is.....a jerk that manipulates abusively. This dude has way too many issues and is not worth having a relationship with.....his behaviour is troubling especially mixed with alcohol. Do yourself a favour, and keep away from him. Best to be finding yourself a nice stable guy.

[Wakeup]

This is what I said in your other post:

"u live in the past get into the future i am not ur ex"

When he asked you if what your ex thought of you two together did you tell him what your ex thought? Because if you did then it means your still in contact with him and you've not detached from him if you're telling him about your life with the new guy. That's what I think he meant by that.

However: It really makes little difference what he meant because the fact is, this guy is playing games and won't even have a decent, honest conversation with you about what he means when he says things. He's not mature enough to have a proper and mutually satisfying relationship if he won't or can't communicate honestly and openly with you.

Having sex twice in the last 3 months doesn't make you in an actual relationship with this man, it makes you bed buddies with his non-comunicational game playing in between.

I'd tell him to get lost and come back when/if he has had a chance to become emotionally mature and capable of a decent, open conversation. Drunk messaging is probmatic in itself. Ugh. What does this guy actually have going for him that is positive in your eyes?

So yea, it's 100% get yourself away from him.

[taloula bell]

Thanks for the replies, i have a child with my ex so i have to have contact with him and i did tell him that my ex does not say anything when he knows i am with him. Totally agree with the fact that he cant communicate but he is the type of guy that keeps everything bottled up.

[Wakeup]

So, what will you do?

[taloula bell]

Have no idea, being friends for 10 years is hard to walk away from

[VincenzoG91]

Have no idea, being friends for 10 years is hard to walk away from

It's not that hard if you have any other friends. Real friends, not people who want to have sex with you.

[Wakeup]

Have no idea, being friends for 10 years is hard to walk away from

If you think he's that good of a friend (although you had nothing to say when asked what positives this guy brings to your life) then you can stop having sex and just become his platonic friend once again. (if of course, doing that won't stop you from finding a mate that is good for you and your child).

People are funny creatures.. it seems when sex is thrown into the mix someone always EXPECTS something from the encounter(s). Seems in this instance, you expect him to become a good boyfriend when all he's capable of giving you is a platonic committment while he enjoys the sex. I'm sure he probably EXPECTS something as well but he's too closed to share with you what it might be. *shrugs*

Don't expect anything more than what you're currently getting from him which, in my opinion isn't much...

Best to you.