Confused Heartbreak

[lovelost_2]

Hello:

Really need to bounce this off a female perspective, very confused, I'll try to keep this brief:

I dated a women off an on for about a year. I got out of a bad marriage and became involved with her about 4 months after, we were friends before. Our agreement was that I needed to recover and that we would just hang out. She wanted more, I couldn't provide more (i was dating other people and that hurt her) and that led to the on and off for about 10 months. We really had a strong connection though and I believe that is what kept us coming back to each other and going another round--we both saw a unique potential, but I was scared to give into it. After month 10 we took a month break and I realized how much potential we had and that I was ready to give myself to the relationship. We got back together, I put my heart out there and she abruptly cut it off about 3 weeks after.

For the first 2 months we had cordial interaction, would go to yoga or see each other in Spanish class (once a week), did a couple of things like lunch, email now and then, but she became less responsive over time and eventually we did not talk for about 2 months, I did not pursue anything. During that time, we did not ever talk about what happened. I really missed her and I called 4 months into the breakup and told her I missed her and wanted to have a friendship--she was somewhat responsive. We saw each other the next week at an event and she was with a new boyfriend, she did not give me a heads up (she knew I'd be there) and they made out in front of me. I know, horrible thing to do and I should have just walked away.

I met with her a couple days after and let it all out, how I felt about her and how awful that was. It was the first time we had a chance to talk about the relationship. She was very receptive and apologized for what she had done. She stated she didn't think I cared at all. (I don;t believe that and I do feel she knew if would have an effect on me). We both cried. We exchanged some correspondence and had a lunch a couple times over the next weeks and then I confronted her to find out how she felt about me. I could tell she was holding back in her body language and speech, but she stated she wanted to be friends. I walked away and didn't talk to her for 2 more months.

I called her a 3 weeks ago and asked to meet to discuss the relationship in an effort to understand what happened and provide some closure for us as they way it ended was so severe and hard to let go. We met and both let it all out, cried in each other's arms for hours and were completely accepting of each other and what happened. We both felt there could be forgiveness and something more than friendship in the future (we both acknowledged how much we missed each other). We took a week away from each other to think and she briefly mentioned she needed to think about what to do with the boyfriend. I realized I still was in love. We met again and decided the best way to approach it would be to be friends and see if there is still something there worth salvaging. The last two weeks she has sent a few nice messages stating she is thinking about me, but for the most part, she was not very responsive--I was much more responsive. I called her and told her I still felt for her and couldn't just be friends, again I backed away. She stated love takes patience.

So here's my dilemma. I truly believe that we have unfinished business (I think she feels it to, what do you think?) and I'd like to find out if there is an amazing potential for us--She's worth pursing to find out. We both did unkind things to each other, but I believe forgiveness is possible. Should I re-approach her as a friend and hang back to get a better read from her (at least for a little while) or just completely move on and if she wants it she'll come around? I assume the boyfriend is still around, but I felt like she was torn and maybe I was impatient and bailed out too early. Am I being played? Thoughts?

[lovelost_2]

Hello:

Really need to bounce this off a female perspective, very confused, I'll try to keep this brief:

I dated a women off an on for about a year. I got out of a bad marriage and became involved with her about 4 months after, we were friends before. Our agreement was that I needed to recover and that we would just hang out. She wanted more, I couldn't provide more (i was dating other people and that hurt her) and that led to the on and off for about 10 months. We really had a strong connection though and I believe that is what kept us coming back to each other and going another round--we both saw a unique potential, but I was scared to give into it. After month 10 we took a month break and I realized how much potential we had and that I was ready to give myself to the relationship. We got back together, I put my heart out there and she abruptly cut it off about 3 weeks after.

For the first 2 months we had cordial interaction, would go to yoga or see each other in Spanish class (once a week), did a couple of things like lunch, email now and then, but she became less responsive over time and eventually we did not talk for about 2 months, I did not pursue anything. During that time, we did not ever talk about what happened. I really missed her and I called 4 months into the breakup and told her I missed her and wanted to have a friendship--she was somewhat responsive. We saw each other the next week at an event and she was with a new boyfriend, she did not give me a heads up (she knew I'd be there) and they made out in front of me. I know, horrible thing to do and I should have just walked away.

I met with her a couple days after and let it all out, how I felt about her and how awful that was. It was the first time we had a chance to talk about the relationship. She was very receptive and apologized for what she had done. She stated she didn't think I cared at all. (I don;t believe that and I do feel she knew if would have an effect on me). We both cried. We exchanged some correspondence and had a lunch a couple times over the next weeks and then I confronted her to find out how she felt about me. I could tell she was holding back in her body language and speech, but she stated she wanted to be friends. I walked away and didn't talk to her for 2 more months.

I called her a 3 weeks ago and asked to meet to discuss the relationship in an effort to understand what happened and provide some closure for us as they way it ended was so severe and hard to let go. We met and both let it all out, cried in each other's arms for hours and were completely accepting of each other and what happened. We both felt there could be forgiveness and something more than friendship in the future (we both acknowledged how much we missed each other). We took a week away from each other to think and she briefly mentioned she needed to think about what to do with the boyfriend. I realized I still was in love. We met again and decided the best way to approach it would be to be friends and see if there is still something there worth salvaging. The last two weeks she has sent a few nice messages stating she is thinking about me, but for the most part, she was not very responsive--I was much more responsive. I called her and told her I still felt for her and couldn't just be friends, again I backed away. She stated love takes patience.

So here's my dilemma. I truly believe that we have unfinished business (I think she feels it to, what do you think?) and I'd like to find out if there is an amazing potential for us--She's worth pursing to find out. We both did unkind things to each other, but I believe forgiveness is possible. Should I re-approach her as a friend and hang back to get a better read from her (at least for a little while) or just completely move on and if she wants it she'll come around? I assume the boyfriend is still around, but I felt like she was torn and maybe I was impatient and bailed out too early. Am I being played? Thoughts?

[lovelost_2]

]Hello

Really need to bounce this off for some perspective, very confused, I'll try to keep this brief:

I dated a women off an on for about a year. I got out of a bad marriage and became involved with her about 4 months after, we were friends before. Our agreement was that I needed to recover and that we would just hang out. She wanted more, I couldn't provide more (i was dating other people and that hurt her) and that led to the on and off for about 10 months. We really had a strong connection though and I believe that is what kept us coming back to each other and going another round--we both saw a unique potential, but I was scared to give into it. After month 10 we took a month break and I realized how much potential we had and that I was ready to give myself to the relationship. We got back together, I put my heart out there and she abruptly cut it off about 3 weeks after.

For the first 2 months we had cordial interaction, would go to yoga or see each other in Spanish class (once a week), did a couple of things like lunch, email now and then, but she became less responsive over time and eventually we did not talk for about 2 months, I did not pursue anything. During that time, we did not ever talk about what happened. I really missed her and I called 4 months into the breakup and told her I missed her and wanted to have a friendship--she was somewhat responsive. We saw each other the next week at an event and she was with a new boyfriend, she did not give me a heads up (she knew I'd be there) and they made out in front of me. I know, horrible thing to do and I should have just walked away.

I met with her a couple days after and let it all out, how I felt about her and how awful that was. It was the first time we had a chance to talk about the relationship. She was very receptive and apologized for what she had done. She stated she didn't think I cared at all. (I don;t believe that and I do feel she knew if would have an effect on me). We both cried. We exchanged some correspondence and had a lunch a couple times over the next weeks and then I confronted her to find out how she felt about me. I could tell she was holding back in her body language and speech, but she stated she wanted to be friends. I walked away and didn't talk to her for 2 more months.

I called her a 3 weeks ago and asked to meet to discuss the relationship in an effort to understand what happened and provide some closure for us as they way it ended was so severe and hard to let go. We met and both let it all out, cried in each other's arms for hours and were completely accepting of each other and what happened. We both felt there could be forgiveness and something more than friendship in the future (we both acknowledged how much we missed each other). We took a week away from each other to think and she briefly mentioned she needed to think about what to do with the boyfriend. I realized I still was in love. We met again and decided the best way to approach it would be to be friends and see if there is still something there worth salvaging. The last two weeks she has sent a few nice messages stating she is thinking about me, but for the most part, she was not very responsive--I was much more responsive. I called her and told her I still felt for her and couldn't just be friends, again I backed away. She stated love takes patience.

So here's my dilemma. I truly believe that we have unfinished business (I think she feels it to, what do you think?) and I'd like to find out if there is an amazing potential for us--She's worth pursing to find out. We both did unkind things to each other, but I believe forgiveness is possible. Should I re-approach her as a friend and hang back to get a better read from her (at least for a little while) or just completely move on and if she wants it she'll come around? I assume the boyfriend is still around, but I felt like she was torn and maybe I was impatient and bailed out too early. Am I being played? Thoughts?

[Petit Papillon]

Oh look, how lovely it looks like when you post THOUSAND same threads everywhere!!!

[lovelost_2]

Wasn;t sure how it worked. Never done this before.

[Petit Papillon]

Better don't do this again. We really don't like double (in your case tripple) threads. people get confused . What were you expecting< If you posted it on a male section, on a female section and on brokenheart section ? Who was about to reply to you on broken heart forum? Aliens?

[Wakeup]

She stated she didn't think I cared at all. (I don;t believe that and I do feel she knew if would have an effect on me). We both cried.

Well, you should believe her because your fear and withdrawl up to that point (your actions) certainly told her that you didn't give a shit.

Now that she's moved on and has a boyfriend you want what you can't have and you keep yourself in her mind so she can't move on. Rather selfish of you.

Leave her alone and quit not talking to her and breaking no contact. She's confused with your push / pull and you need to take a hint. I think she told you about many times she just wanted to be your friend. I think you told her many times that, that was not enough for you and you expected her to jump right back into a relationship with someone (you) who taught her in the past that you don't value her enough to give up other woman or commit to her other than as friends with benefits. Leave her alone and let her come to you if she wants you and has broken it off with the new dude.

What you are pulling is self absorbed and boarders on obsession.