Caught in the middle

[LaMb ChOp]

One of my best mates (who is married) has been chatting to an older guy on an internet forum for some months now. They flirt alot, have exhanged afew kinky messages and now talk and text everyday on the phone. She maintains that she doesn't fancy him and that he is just a friend.

I get on well with her husband who has infact these past few months been really good to me since my marriage ended. He has just messaged me on facebook asking me what I know about this guy as he has just come across some 'interesting messages' between them and he knows that I go on the internet forum and also it's likely she has talked to me about it as a mate.

What do I do? Tell her he asked? Not tell her he asked and just tell him that I don't really know anything? She is my friend but I am fond of him too and don't really agree with what she has been doing at all. I feel caught in the middle here!

[Riku]

Tell her she needs to talk to her husband, tell him to talk to his wife and then you stay out of it.

[natasha84]

Here's the thing: if u tell him then you're "betraying" her but if you tell her then you're "betraying" him. Personally, I would let her know that he asked, knows about these messages and insist that she talk with her husband about it. Explain to her that although you're her friend, you don't want to be caught in the middle. Regardless if she is interested in this guy or not, it is beyond inappropriate to be having such intimate conversations, texts or whatever with this man. Also, let her husband know that you don't want to be caught in the middle. She has put you in a rather sticky situation. But I'm just curious, have you told her that you don't agree with what she has been doing?

[LaMb ChOp]

But I'm just curious, have you told her that you don't agree with what she has been doing?

No I haven't given an opinion so I haven't said I agree, or that I don't!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Fact is, you're already caught in the middle. If you don't want to get involved, just tell him that whatever messages he's come across should be indication enough and to either talk to his wife or just keep watching her.

[fuchsia_bee]

tell him that the best thing would be to talk that with his wife. good luck

[Wakeup]

I'd tell him exactly what she told you and what you know. She denies to you, Lamb that anything is going on and that they are just forum friends who are a little flirty. Then I'd tell her hubby that that's all you know and that if he has evidence of anything more than innocent then it is his responsibility to go to his wife and get it worked out one way or the other. Keep your personal opinions to yourself and don't give either of them your support in this. It's between them how they resolve this and they'll do it easier without either of them having your bias.

This is not like ratting her out... He's told you he discovered their inapportiate (IMO) behaviour on his own. Keep it neutral.

Tell me, why do you need her husband to be 'really good to you?' Shouldn't that read "they've" been real good to me?

Frankly it sounds like the whole lot of you are playing with relationship destroying fire.

[LaMb ChOp]

Thanks for the responses. In the end I sent him a short message just saying that I very rarely visit the internet forum and I think he should speak to her about it rather than asking me. I haven't had a response from him, nor have I heard from her!