Boyfriend of 4 yrs too attached to his family?

[decision]

This is going to be a long post so please bear with me...my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. While we love each other dearly and have plans for marriage, it seems we have a major hurdle to overcome...his attachment to his family. We're both in mid-twenties, live at home with our families, but plan on moving in together in the near future depending on where his career takes him (he's currently finishing up grad school). When we both have leisure time, he wants to spend it with his family. He sees his family Monday through Friday b/c he lives with them, and Saturdays and Sundays are spent with them too. While I respect that he loves and cherishes his family with the utmost devotion, he never has any time for me. For example, at one point in my life my work hours reached 80-100 hrs a week. Yet I took a few hours on the weekends hoping to spend with some quality time with my boyfriend. He tells me that he has to spend time with his family and go to family dinners and can't spare any time for me. I've dealt with this for about a year and we've had many arguments in the past. I told him how I felt and he said he'd change for the better.

His solution after that confrontation is to invite me to every family event/function, which is essentially every weekend. That way he gets to be his mama's boy and keep his girlfriend. It's not that I don't like his family, but a lot of times I just want to be ALONE with him. What is the point of dating if his mom came along with us every single time? Lately I've been really hesitant to join him on his weekly family functions. He's now blaming me saying that I never want to do what he wants to do. How do I get the point across that I just want to date him and not his family?

[decision]

I forgot to mention that when I invite him to have lunch/dinner with my family, he refuses because he is too "shy".

[Boisdevie]

Sounds like he is selfish. He wants you to go to 'his' family dinners but won't come to yours. And to be honest why are you not living together after 4 years? That's a long time to be 'dating' isn't it?

[MerryH]

If you've told him repeatedly how you've felt about it and he hasn't changed, then just count on the fact that he won't. You're dating a socially stunted, immature mama's boy. If you're fine with your boyfriend being that guy, then live with it. If not, break up. You're not going to change him. He doesn't even want to change.

What happened a year ago that made him like this? Or do you mean he's always been like this, but it's only been the past year that you've been fighting about it? That's way too long to have a huge unresolved issue like this.

[Wakeup]

Well here were are 4 years in and after countless discussions on how much you are unhappy, not a fking thing has changed. So: Whats wrong with you that you don't break things off with this guy? Scared? Think you'll have wasted 4 years of your life if you throw in the towel? Concerned you'll never find anyone better? Can't wait a little while longer until he gets his degree and moves to another State with you. Afraid when he does he'll cry for his family and be a boring, uninteresting partner when he doesn't have the sense to do anything with you that his parents don't arrange? What does keep you with him?