Am I doing the right thing

[Billy111]

Hi its my first time posting on here, heres the situation.

I have been seeing this girl for a month (were not official) now and I really really like her we have so much in common and I havnt felt this way about somone for a couple of years. She went out to town on Friday and ended up sleeping with with an old flame. When I found out I was so pissed off but I thought I would give her the chance to explain herself in person last night. She says she cant remember anything about Friday night and spent the whole night crying and saying how sorry she was last night. She said she will do anything to be giving another chance and pretty much begged me not to end it with her.

I have decided to give it another chance as we both seem to really really like each other. I just want to know from people on here am I doing the right thing?

[JadenMia]

I would just leave before you get too attatched to her and find it even harder to leave. I mean, this is within the first month of being with her, officially or not. These first months are meant to be exciting, happy. Instead she sleeps with an old flame? Probably someone she still has feelings for and now maybe he doesnt want anything to do with her, so she is begging you not to leave her.
If i have learned something, if there are problems early on in a relationship, its not going to end up any better. And all the more harder it is to leave 2 years down the line.

[Wakeup]

Unless you both agreed to be exclusive then she didn't cheat on you. Now that you decided to give her another chance, did you ask her to be exclusive or are you still in the state of limbo in your relationship?

My concern wouldn't be that she went to bed with him (as I said you're not even official) it would be that she's still got unfinished baggage with this "old flame" and that is what you need to suss out. Does she still have feelings for him? Will she be seeing him keeping in touch with him? What is their history? If she's still got feelings for him then she'll not be able to have the proper one's for you.

If you decide to stay after you've got to the bottom of her "baggage" then make sure she knows you're "official" and that she's to remain monogamous with you if she wants a relationship with you.

These things have to be made clear in this day and age ... nothing can be assumed.

[devonbrown]

I agree with Wakeup. You weren't in a committed relationship. You said you weren't official. So you can't hold her actions that Friday night against her. If you had slept with someone else then it wouldn't have been any of her business.

But since this is an old flame of hers, I would be concerned with things going forward. If you want to get serious with this girl, you need to make sure she is over her ex and ready to commit to you. It sounds like she likes you, but isn't totally over her ex right now. And that will get really rough as time goes on.

Talk with her and make your decision based on what she tells you, not on her actions from last weekend.

Good luck.

[Billy111]

Thanks for the advice, I think its best if I at least give it a try and see how I feel when we go out again. She's saying she did like him but has now blocked all forms of contact with him. And I know we wasnt official but she still knew I would be so pissed off when I found out, Im just worried that she is just using me to try and make herself feel better about what she has done. There is a reason why Ive been single for 3 years and its because I hate feeling like this.

[girl68]

I don't think she's "using you" to feel better. If I were in her shoes and wanted to feel better I would have stayed with the old flame and tried to make it work so I didn't feel like such a hoe... The fact she fessed up and cut all contact to me speaks loud and clear. She realized after getting with the old flame that she doesn't want "old flames" no more, she wants you.

I'd say let her prove to you how much you mean to her (and she is by being remorseful and cutting contact) and your job is to MOVE PAST this hiccup. Don't bring it up, and don't put her down for it. Move forward with her.

[Billy111]

I don't think she's "using you" to feel better. If I were in her shoes and wanted to feel better I would have stayed with the old flame and tried to make it work so I didn't feel like such a hoe... The fact she fessed up and cut all contact to me speaks loud and clear. She realized after getting with the old flame that she doesn't want "old flames" no more, she wants you.

I'd say let her prove to you how much you mean to her (and she is by being remorseful and cutting contact) and your job is to MOVE PAST this hiccup. Don't bring it up, and don't put her down for it. Move forward with her.

Thanks Ive just texted her as if nothing has happened and it feels good. Shes coming to my house tommorow and am not going to mention a thing to her and hopefully giving a bit of time we can get move on from this.

[girl68]

goodluck to you 2!