Memory problems.

[im_in_love]

Have you ever forgotten your partner's birthday, or had them forget yours? How did you/they react? Did it make things awkward?

Someone I've been seeing for about 6 months recently forgot my birthday (we've known each other for years) and I had to actually tell him it was my birthday after listening to him go on and on about his life all day. He barely apologized for it, and hasn't talked to me since.

I wasn't mad at first, I was really hurt and sad because I didn't feel important enough to even get a "happy birthday" - but the longer he goes without saying anything to me, I'm getting more and more angry. I feel like he doesn't even care. I've chosen not to contact him first because I do have a bit of a temper, and I know my contacting him after sitting here boiling this over for so long would end up with me exploding on him, so I'm waiting until I calm down.

Just want to add, that I'm NOT mad that he didn't get me a present. I wasn't expecting one at all. I'm upset because he didn't even acknowledge the fact that it was my birthday, or say Happy Birthday to me, even though he was talking to me literally all day.

[DannyH]

I forgot once.... now I make sure I write that stuff down until its drilled in my mind. birthday's anniversaries, other random dates and events. In all reality though it is sometimes hard to remember things that happen once a year esp if its young relationship. Unless of course your on fb good luck forgetting anybody's birthday ever.

[MerryH]

How did you bring up the fact that it was your birthday? Were you kind of mad about it, like "UH YEAH today is actually my birthday, thanks a lot for remembering it!" or were you just like, "btw today's my birthday."

Since I'm guessing, I bet you brought it up in kind of an angry way, or you got into an argument with him about it at some point. The reason I say this is because you talked to him "literally all day" and then, what, waited until the end of the day to mention it? You set up a trap. Just a guess, though. Correct me if you can.

[MaidenMinx]

I agree with Merry. If you were talking to him all day and didn't give him a gentle reminder, he quite possibly felt trapped. I also wonder how you mentioned it.

I've had my husband forget my birthday. He even forgot my 30th last year. I got my pressie - a tattoo - a month early, and on the day he didn't remember immediately. I think I let him go an hour before I asked "have you forgotten something?". It took him a moment to remember but he was very apologetic and had time to make up for it. Chances are the fact that you waited until the end of the day made him wonder 'well what am I supposed to do about it now?' Did he even say 'oh, happy birthday.'?

[im_in_love]

How did you bring up the fact that it was your birthday? Were you kind of mad about it, like "UH YEAH today is actually my birthday, thanks a lot for remembering it!" or were you just like, "btw today's my birthday."

Since I'm guessing, I bet you brought it up in kind of an angry way, or you got into an argument with him about it at some point. The reason I say this is because you talked to him "literally all day" and then, what, waited until the end of the day to mention it? You set up a trap. Just a guess, though. Correct me if you can.

No, I didn't mention it in an angry way at all. I mentioned it in a very happy way actually... I brought up the fact that I got something (a birthday present, but I didn't say that at first) and he started asking more about it, and after we were talking about it I said "Yeah it was the best birthday present I've ever gotten" and it took him a while to realize what I meant, but he pretty much stopped talking to me. Didn't say a Happy Birthday after that either. Just kind of said "Oh, sorry I guess" and stopped talking to me.

[HeartIsAching]

Have you ever forgotten your partner's birthday, or had them forget yours? How did you/they react? Did it make things awkward?

Someone I've been seeing for about 6 months recently forgot my birthday (we've known each other for years) and I had to actually tell him it was my birthday after listening to him go on and on about his life all day. He barely apologized for it, and hasn't talked to me since.

I wasn't mad at first, I was really hurt and sad because I didn't feel important enough to even get a "happy birthday" - but the longer he goes without saying anything to me, I'm getting more and more angry. I feel like he doesn't even care. I've chosen not to contact him first because I do have a bit of a temper, and I know my contacting him after sitting here boiling this over for so long would end up with me exploding on him, so I'm waiting until I calm down.

Just want to add, that I'm NOT mad that he didn't get me a present. I wasn't expecting one at all. I'm upset because he didn't even acknowledge the fact that it was my birthday, or say Happy Birthday to me, even though he was talking to me literally all day.

Yep, I've forgotten. I was apologetic about it, though.

[MaidenMinx]

He feels like you trapped into being the bad guy! I can almost guarantee his thought process since has been "Why didn't she tell me earlier in the day? I could have done something about it". I reckon the way he sees it is you set him up to look like a jerk. Not a nice move. You played a game and it backfired. You should have just reminded him as early as you could.

[vashti]

Are you crazy? If you wanted him to acknowledge it, you should have mentioned it to him BEFORE your birthday.

[im_in_love]

I had been talking about what I was doing for my birthday for weeks before my actual birthday.... I wasn't playing a game, I actually find it really awkward to point out the fact that it's my birthday when someone forgot it. There was absolutely no way to bring it up before I did, because of the fact that he was talking about himself all day - I wasn't bitter or angry or sarcastic to him at ALL when we were talking. I was very sympathetic to what he was saying the whole time. I don't play games.

He's not the type of person to play games either, and knows I would never make him out to be the "bad guy" - which I didn't. It's not like I purposely sat there not saying anything about it beforehand just to see if he would notice. I had been talking about it all week leading up to it. He's not like most guys emotionally. If he knows he did something wrong (talking about doing ANYTHING wrong here, not just this story) he won't apologize. He'll stop talking to me and get awkward, and if I get upset that he won't apologize, he gets mad at ME. But then if he does something really benign that I don't mind at all (and I mean really something you wouldn't think to apologize for) he won't stop apologizing, and will feel terrible about it all day. Basically, he only apologizes when I am in no way upset or angry, and won't if he knows he did something that upset me. It's almost like he has a backwards view of wrong and right.

Like I said, I've known him for years, and he's always remembered my birthday - sometimes even before I realized it was coming up.

Please, if you have anymore judgements to pass about me, ASK me first. I'd be happy to clarify what I did and did not do before I am accused of it.

[MaidenMinx]

Ok then, so we don't make assumptions, how exactly did the conversation go?

If you know he is uninclined to apologise when you feel bad then why are you expecting him to do anything? The day is gone. By ignoring him (and winding yourself up) he's probably figuring you're really annoyed about it.

And I'd say he hasn't got a backwards view of right and wrong, I'd say he just doesn't have any conflict coping skills. Either you need to tell him he hurt you, without getting upset with him or let it go and get on with things.

HIA has a wonderful link to I messages. Hopefully he'll post it for you. You may learn how to tell him you're upset without upsetting him.