should guys pay on a first date?

[milkshake]

Last time I dated a guy and we ate lunch and I blurted out your paying? And he said yea... you can pay for the movies and when I watched glee and Quin told that blond hair guy that a guy should always pay on a first date and took that advice this time around. Yesterday I went out out a date with a guy and he paid. at the theaters he asked if I had a 10? And I said sorry I didn't I only have a 20 but he paid for movies n dinner... Should guys pay on a first date?

Because i realize I made a mistake last time with that guy and he sorta I guess took it for granted.... Sometimes he would pay for me sometimes he would not... Last time, we went to dinner and I said I don't have enough... and he didn't even respond or he probably didn't hear me because I didn't say it that loud. I though he paid for me because we dated each other for 2-3 months already. He end up paying anyways cuz I didn't have enough. He really takes it for granted especially when I said I wanted to watch Kung Fu Panda and he said I don't mind if your paying... and I'm like seriously? a guy should be paying... if you put it that way.. cuz he has a job and I don't I just graduated from college... I'm jobless at the moment. I said i ain't paying and he said F U... I was like wtf? I think he was joking but still...

But back to first dates... should guys pay for the first date?
I feel bad because it was like $70 that day.. should i tell him that it is my treat next time or no? I have some fandango deals that I could use which help me save $21 for two tickets lol... I don't like people paying for me, but I can't let guys take advantage of me like the other guy...

My ex also didn't pay for me either when we went to watch movies with our friends and it was only $5 for the fandango deals, but it was before we made it official or before he said he liked me or w/e.. The worse part is him asking if he wants him to pay for me and I was like what kind of question is that. If you want to pay, then pay, but why ask me? it's just weird... my friend even thought so. I don't like cheap guys.... like him... I took his staples that he bought cuz it was in my bag and he kept asking where my staples? give me back my staples and I said no cuz he won't listen to me besides it's only $1.50? -.- ..... cheap.. lol

[sadie_genie]

Ya, I wouldn't be giving out another date if the guy doesn't pay for the few first dates. To me, that spells disinterest. Some guy says it is about equality but many of these same guys are misogynists who would speak of women in the most condescending ways. It is not about who earns more; I think any guys who has a decent level of interest in a woman would volunteer to pay for dates. Don't even worry about guys who doesn't do it; think of it like a test. Guys KNOW they are suppose to pay because it is tradition. Any guy who is going to go out of his way to risk embarrassment of fighting over a few meals doesn't seem like he is capable of giving.

[Warhawk]

I usually pay for everything only because a gentlemen should. With that said, I do believe in equality.

Although if you always pay for dates, my ex eventually took advantage of my generosity and never really put in any effort to go out of her way for me. Then I just felt like I was being used. Reason I say that is, please if someone is very kind and generous, show some thanks or return the favor. Admire your date. I am not saying you don't do that or that you use guys, just all my relationships ended up where I was being taken advantage of.

[MaidenMinx]

When my man and I got together he happily paid for most things. In saying that I made sure he had no reason to complain. We often had dinner and watched movies at my place rather than wasting money going out. When he wanted to watch wrestling with his mates, I let it happen at my place because, at the time he and most of his mates still lived with their folks. I also spent more on his first birthday present than he did on mine.

So yes, it's nice when a guy pays but I think it's silly in this day and age to expect it. When my man and I first got together I always made sure I had the money to cover myself if I needed to. I just never needed to. Though once we had been together for about 6 months he did tell me that when we were out with friends I could get up and grab a round of drinks every now and then, even though he kept paying. He just wanted a sign of effort. There's a fine line between expecting a gentleman and looking like a gold digger.

[hucklebee]

I split it first date no matter what. I want no feeling of obligation in case it doesn't work. We are both working individuals with bills to pay. And after a few dates, you get this one I get that one, you know? Works out so no one is indebted. Occasionally a suprise is nice and I treat out of turn or vice versa. I've found this has allowed me lengthy relationships without the dreaded money issues you always hear of couples having.

[MaidenMinx]

Good point hucklebee. Money issues are one of the main factors that will make or break a relationship. I think the dating phase is a great way to get to know what a persons monetary attitudes are and if they are compatible with yours. Money is actually something my husband and I have never argued about.

[vashti]

Whoever does the inviting should pay, so if he asked you out he should expect to pay, BUT you should always come prepared to pay your way. (I wouldn't go out with someone a second time who wasn't prepared to pay for a date he invited me on.) Also, I never go out with anyone more than twice without trying to reciprocate their generosity. For example, the guy I am starting to date won't let me pay for anything, so I made him a really nice dinner.

[DannyH]

"Whoever does the inviting should pay, so if he asked you out he should expect to pay, BUT you should always come prepared to pay your way." Most of the time I'll gladly pay but I have more respect for women who actually attempt to pay for themselves. Women who expect everything to be given to them really do annoy the crap out of me. Even at the bars I won't straight up buy a women a drink if I do we go back and forth buying rounds for each other. "Hey buy me a drink" from a women in the bar my response usually revolves in a lot of laughing. It's not about not being a gentlemen or even equality it's just about respect.

[Poodle3]

I thought the gentleman should always pay for pretty much everything when taking someone out.. I always pay for drinks, meals, taxis etc. even in a long term relationship. If a man can't afford to take out a woman he should go and live on rice and onions in the woods for a few months, to save some cash, or conduct a daring armed robbery, or something. If he hasn't got any money he should take her somewhere free, that just requires effort on his part.

I don't know anyone that would ask for money from a girl on a date, even if they were utterly destitute, and she was very wealthy. I'm all for equality, especially when it involves people buying me beer, but I don't think most women like men who are mean that much.

[lahnnabell]

I agree that initially whoever does the inviting should expect to pay. If the man wants to earn the title of provider though, he needs to set a precedent by footing most of the bills. I was dating guys in the past that had issues with me working so much, but when it came down to it, they couldn't afford to do all the things they wanted to do. They should've been grateful that I could contribute to those expenses, but they always threw the catch-22 at me, "You work too much." and then "We don't go out enough." Gotta work and make money so that we CAN go out. One guy took me to an incredibly expensive restaurant for my birthday and then freaked when I wanted to order wine... Like, really?!

I also agree that there are perfectly wonderful ways to reciprocate gratitude without splurging. I'd much prefer a guy that can plan a date without having to throw down for a fancy dinner.

[Boisdevie]

My GF and I have always split the bill since the first date. In this age of equality what's wrong with that? And it does not show a lack of respect.

[Gratedwasabi]

My GF and I have always split the bill since the first date. In this age of equality what's wrong with that? And it does not show a lack of respect.

Agreed.

The notion that a guy SHOULD pay is just ridiculous and old-fashioned, at best. Women often make as much or more than guys these days, which was really the reason that guys used to pay (men used to make significantly more the majority of the time.)

You ladies won't go on a second date with a guy that doesn't pay? That's fine, your call. I won't go on a second date with a woman that's so full of herself that she won't even offer to pay for herself. I'm not a goddamn soup kitchen. I usually pay on the first date but it's horribly disrespectful and, frankly, snotty if you don't even offer.

[Mathias]

Last time I dated a guy and we ate lunch and I blurted out your paying?

I pay on every single date I initiate, but this would have me running away incredibly fast.

[Incognito]

I think the bigger point here is not who pays for what date, but rather to make sure you date someone who is not selfish (man or woman). If I were still dating and said "hey, lets do you want to go to a movie" I wouldn't be expecting to pay in full just because I brought it up first. With that said I would be prepared to pay if she didn't have the money, was totally clueless, or didn't want to. However if she didn't start offering I'd have a chat with her about it and if nothing changed chalk it up to her using me and dump her.

I think it is funny that women have broken down the old boundaries that kept them down for centuries, but some still cling to some old fashioned notions like "guys always have to pay" and "no matter how hard I hit you, where I hit you, or who sees it... you can't hit me back because I'm a woman." You can't have your cake and eat it too.

To answer the OP's question specifically, whomever initiated the first date should pay. Always, unless you two establish some kind of price split ahead of time.

[DannyH]

My thing is if you pay for everything where does it stop? Why would she have to pay for anything at all then? You'll just end up a free meal ticket. (Yes there are some exceptions I don't find stay at home parents as leeches but that's a bit far away from the first date )