In love with my FWB. Trying to move on but he keeps contact. HELP

[confusedbelle3]

I am going to summarise the problem because i posted the entire story a few days ago here and got great advice which i am following.

I have had a FWB since the start of the year, 6 months now. He wqas very kind funny sweet etc but had no interest in being exclusive, loves being single. In the beginning I was happy with FWB, I didn't have big feelings for him but loved spending time with him. It was a good situation.

I developed feelings (after about 4 or 5 months, quite recently) lately he hinted in a BIG way that he didnt ever want more from me. (on top of the fact of many other times that it just clear he only wants friendship and sex) This was just before i was about to tell him my true feelings and that I was interested in a relationship. But now I didnt.

Here comes the problem and i would love advice please - thank you so much

HE WONT COMPLETELY LET ME GO!! Seriously the other night I had resolved after lots of advice here, to just stop contact with him. But he keeps calling, keeps texting, keeps going as a friendship or to keep me in the picture in a slight way. We were friends for about 3 months before the FWB and to be fair the 4 months before I developed feelings, pretty close as friends. (daily talk about family work life etc)

EXAMPLE He sent me a text today - do i want to go for a drink.. i didnt respond. then he calls, i didnt respond. 2 hours later i thought I can't just not respond!! it seems aggressive, i know he would call me on it in a message asking why i wasnt talking to him etc etc .. so i just sent a text saying i was busy and somewhere else and to have fun.

tonight on facebook, he commented on a post of mine so i responded!! this is hard? people here the other day told me to get the hint that i am just sex to him, but why does he contact so much?? i think he is interested in other girls at the moment, but he suprises me, he never drops contact with me for more than a few days.

i think i may have fallen for him to a huge degree to the point that i should change my number and delete him from facebook, but then i think dont be so dramatic and try to stay friendly but concentrate on getting over him.

I don't know what to do next. I imagine his next move is to invite me (by sms usually) to this thing on thursday. he will probably do it on wednesday. i feel i am stuck with contact from him. do i keep telling him i have other plans and only respond to half his contact?? a male friend told me to do this until he gets the hint

i am so scared of him not being in my life i will miss him so much. but he doesnt want something serious with me. He likes my friendship (i actually do believe he appreciates my friendship) and he loves sex with me. i used to love sex with him too but then i fell in love. and i want more for myself.

thanks for any advice :-)

[confusedbelle3]

PS In the last two days i havent started contact. all contact has been started by him. (in fact in all the 6 months mostly by him) but sometimes I get weak and want to contact him. I get caught up in the fact that he is 'friends' with me

the other day we went for coffee as friends. tonight would have been as friends if i had gone out with him. thats where it seems so difficult !i have been half tempted to tell him to stop calling and that i do not want him on my facebook, but it is aggressive, he has not done anything wrong, and i think i would regret. i have a feeling if i can just focus on work meeting new people etc, that i could see him as a friend and that the romantic feelings are going to go.

what do you think.

[HeartIsAching]

Uh...

Have you communicated clearly with him, or are you just passive-aggressively not responding to him? Seriously, don't expect him to read your mind.

[confusedbelle3]

thats the thing i havent communicated to him how i feel because before i was going to do it,
he made it kind of clear that all he wanted from me is friendship and sex during a chat over
coffee

do you think i should say anyway about my feelings? that i need some space and why?
i dont want to not respond when he contacts, but i do not know what to do because i think
he will keep in touch if i dont say something

[confusedbelle3]

heartisaching - in my post the other day when i gave all the situation for advice, the advice
from everyone was dont send him a message or tell him anything - just dissapear

[HeartIsAching]

Yes, all of the above. Don't just assume that he'll get the message.

Tell him how you feel. Tell him that for you it's an either/or at this point: You either want to take it further, or you want to break off contact. Game playing is for children.

[HeartIsAching]

Ok, I just read your other thread...

The "feel" from that other thread was a little different than this one. In that one you said you dated for a few months, but weren't exclusive. In this one you call him a FWB. Which is it? And that means, how do you BOTH view it? Have you discussed it?

You MUST in your interpersonal relationships be clear in your communications, if you want your expectations to be met. If you pussy-foot around, hint, and passive-aggressively try to get the other to do what you want without coming out and saying it, you're bound to be disappointed time and again.

Even if he's made it clear that all he wants is FWB, you need to communicate your needs and wants. It may mean that you'll never see it again, and if that's the case, you need to just bite the bullet and live with it. If that's all he wants, and you keep acceding to his desire for uncommitted sex, you're only setting yourself up for heartache, and simultaneously keeping yourself off the playing field for future possible relationships.

[Wakeup]

totally agree with HIA. You need to tell him that you CAN NOT just be his FWB because it's too hard on you when you want more than just being his fk buddy. You just disappearing and refusing to return a call or text is not the right thing to do. He is just going on as usual with you unaware that you have decided to go no contact without explanation. I'm sure you'd HATE it if he were to do that to you so grow up, call him back and tell him the FWB is not for you anymore and if he changes his mind and is interested in pursuing exclusive dating and to see if a full blown relationship with you is possible then he can call you then.

You'll never get over him if you keep getting under him and you need to close the door completely.