Will he come round to the idea or not?

[Aimieleigh]

Firstly i apologise if this is long.

Okay, so 2 and abit weeks ago me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up, he just came back from holiday, packed his things and left me because he found out that i had lied to him right at the start of our relationship - to me although i was dis-honest, it wasn't anything that affected our relationship but i understood the fact he didn't want to be with me. It was things about where i lived with my dad when i was younger. However, i found out whilst he was away that i am pregnant, i told him and he said he knew already because he could feel it. He still left. he had no contact with me for a week, he went into self disctruct mode, he didnt seem to care about anything + spent the entire week drunk. i understood and thought he might need a huge blow out, breaking up and then knowing you're to be a dad must of hit him hard.

when he did contact me, he told me to get an abortion. This is not something i feel comfortable doing, i want to keep the baby. I am 21, he 22 and i feel i could cope with a child. I was on the injection, so it's not like we were irresponsible. He came to see me at the start of the week and told me he wanted rid of the baby and he doesn't love me anymore and we will never be together. i told him i know.. this isnt the reason i am keeping the baby. Then within half an hour, he was laid cuddling me with his head on my bare tummy. He was kissing my head, wiping my tears away, holding my hand and we laid on my bed for hours.. He said to he promises he will be there for me, i told him i had a midwife appointment the next day, to which he came. He didnt come in because he was an hour late due to a mix up with times and the fact he didnt have a workng phone but he sat with me at home afterwards, filling out forms about his medical history and then started telling me how he didnt want the baby.. how it would mess up his life if i dont get an abortion.. he then spent the next however many hours laid with me on the bed, hugging me, kissing my head and cheek and giving me a back massage, for the 2 days he was here he also made comments about the way i looked, complimeted me and touched all over my body, nothing happened though! but there was many times i felt like we would kiss or sleep together, i felt like he really genuingly cared about me still.. We then kept it civil, talking here and there and i seen him 2 days later, I am 13 weeks pregnant and already feel like the babys mum.. although again he told me to get rid of the baby, he said if we have this child our lives would be tied forever because he couldnt just walk away from the child. Yesterday however i found out he is now back in contact with his ex girlfriend who i was always insecure about and it made me angry, i texted him telling him to collect the rest of his things from my house (there is more to the ex girlfriend story than just this) and he texted me back saying i am not worth the stress and hurt i am causing, not to put his name on the birth certificate or he will make my life hell, the first time i contact the CSA he will make me lose custtody of my baby.. and never to contact him again. He was having a bad day due to his phone breaking again and his car not working and i think i started arguing with him at the wrong time. The text to me though seems pretty final, he hasnt spoke to me since, which i know has only been a day.

I dont want an abortion as i dont feel i am mentally ready to have one, i know 100% it will affect me and i dont see why i should be pushed into it, or am i being selfish?. He is usually a very sensitive, caring person, i know he is more scared than he has ever been in his life, he told me.. do you think this is making him be so nasty towards me?

Do you think he is confused? do you think he will eventually come round? besides that text he has always said to me that he couldnt walk away from the child. Do you think the way he was acting with me was to push me into an abortion or is he confused about our relationship?

thankyou for any help/advice given!

[devonbrown]

Frankly, to me, it sounds like he is trying to manipulate you into having an abortion you don't want. Basically being really nice to you and suggesting subconsciously that it could be that good all the time if you do what he wants.

You are the one that is pregnant. It is your decision. You need to realize that your relationship with him is over though. He has made his decision to get away from your relationship. Do not think that he may change his mind. Even if he did, you might not want someone like that around you any more. He is controlling and deceitful and not a good role model. Or a good partner.

And don't fall victim to his threats about having the baby taken away from you. If he has so much hate in him that he would try to do that, it will most certainly backfire on him.

And ... Stop trying to justify his behavior! He is not worth it!

My advice is this - If he is the father, put his name on the birth certificate. And if he wants nothing to do with the child, fine. But sue him for child support. Make him responsible. He was there for the making of the baby, so make sure he is responsible for the child's well-being.

Good luck.

[MerryH]

You're going to get people telling you what you should do, or trying to make you feel guilty about whatever decision you make, but don't listen. It's completely up to you, and while I wouldn't call either decision "selfish," necessarily, if there's ever a time to be selfish, it's this one. Make whatever decision is best for you.

Your ex trying to blackmail you into getting an abortion is disgusting, by the way. I hope you don't try to continue a relationship with him. His behavior is unforgivable.