First Time poster... needs adive

[brianv]

Hello, and an advanced thank you for the read and advice.

I have fallen in love with a woman that i have been friends with for awhile. She has recently gotten out of a bad relationship, and has a past of other horrible relationships. She was abused. She now has a 2.5 yr old son, and is dealing with that alone. We have been close for a long time and i have fallen for her. We have talked about it, i have told her my feelings. But she gives very little response back, other than she dont know how she feels, not ready for another relationship.

I have been totally understanding about it and have been trying to be patient as possible. She has told me she considers me more than just a friend, buts wants it to progress naturally. Now, with that said, i do everything that a boyfriend does and then some.. i take her shopping and have spent a huge amount of money on her, buy her gifts, help with her bills, watch her son, buy things for her son. im there when she needs a shoulder, to talk, i pay for her hair cuts, tanning.. i take care of her.

But, we do very little outside of those things, we talk every day, see each other most everyday. But when she goes out with friends, im not included. We dont go for dinner or drinks and just talk. We make all kinds of plans to do that kind of stuff, but it never happens. She will very rarely hold my hand, will only kiss me on the cheek and will only return that to me when i ask. She asked me to not tell her i love her because of her past and her issues with family never saying that.

She goes out with friends and i dont hear from her all day or night, i feel guilty about asking her where she is or what she is doing because technically she isnt my girlfriend and she has brought that up when i do ask ... yet... if she dont hear from me or i dont answer a txt in a timely manner that i normally do, she asks me those same questions.

I do love her, and her son... but i am starting to feel very used... i hate to think she would do that to me and it will hurt me very much... im confused, hurt, stressed... i dont sleep, i dont eat... my life revolves around her and her schedule, when we do meet up... sometimes i wait for hours for her, because she is late for some reason or another... i feel dis respected.. any opinions or advice??

looking for a womans take on this as well...

[Mathias]

It seems she's not ready for a relationship. Pressuring her in that direction is wrong, especially given her past.

And yes, she is using you a little. You should probably back away a bit and give her time.

[brianv]

thanks for the reply..

[Cerby]

Agreed, you need to back off a little bit and see what happens. She has you and all she wants from you without having to give in return. She might just see you as a good friend, but that said, friends don't question friends about their whereabouts on a daily basis.

Tough situation this one. Personally I'd step way back, but keep contact and see what happens.