Is this more effective for No Contact with EX?

[endlesspain]

Ok we are not really exes, but we have been friends with benefits for a year and a half...I met her through my sister, she is 21 and I am 25. At first it was only a physical thing, and we began getting really close till the point she told me she loved me, and after a while i began to feel the say way. Out of the blue though, she told me she wanted to be just friends and nothing else, but she still loves me, and may want something one day.....I immediately told her that i respect her wishes, and think its a good idea since nobody should date somebody that they are not comfortable with...Basically I began no contact from day 1 instead of the begging crap...After about a week, she face booked me and ask did I want to go to the movies with her and her cousin...I responded with quick with no thanks, I made plans to hang out with friends already....and left it at that, am I on a good track? Even though we were not official, should this effect her? After all, we were close, talked all the time, had lots of sex...and instead of trying to working things out for weeks or months, i left her alone from day one...I am working on myself, but I cant help but hope she will come around.

[ForMadmenOnly]

I immediately told her that i respect her wishes

IMHO mistake. At this point you say, "OK Bye!".

responded with quick with no thanks, I made plans to hang out with friends already

Nice! :-)

i left her alone from day one...I am working on myself, but I cant help but hope she will come around.

Good strategy. Keep it that way. :-)

Don't let her get her way. Think about yourself and what you want. Which is a full fledged relationship. If she wants it as well then fine. Otherwise.. tough.

[endlesspain]

thanks for the feedback, it sucks acting like i dont care when i really do...its something im good at, but it rips me up on the inside

[DarkHelmet82]

why are you playing games?

[ForMadmenOnly]

thanks for the feedback, it sucks acting like i dont care when i really do...its something im good at, but it rips me up on the inside

I completely understand you man. Its so difficult. Remember however that its a game for her. She is probing you. Testing you. So you either play along. Or you tell you to f*ck off and get done with it.

[Mathias]

why are you playing games?

How is he playing games?

[ForMadmenOnly]

why are you playing games?

How is this a game?

She told him that she doesn't want to be with him. He does.

To me there are two options: 1. ignore, unless what she wants aligns with what he wants. 2. be her toy. Friends when she wants. Shag when she wants.

What do you think he should do?

[endlesspain]

why are you playing games?

I dont really see it as playing games...Im just used to how this crap works...nobody usually just lets go of a person they care about, I cant either, the only difference is instead of begging her for months like most people do..I hold on in another way by keeping hope, but keeping my mouth shut about how my feelings are and hope she comes around...and in due time, i will probably move on like everybody does..but right now, i still love her, but at the same time dont want to feed her ego..is that playing games, or just having more knowledge on how the female mind works?

[DarkHelmet82]

nevermind I misread something in there.. i thought you were telling her no you didnt want to hang out when in fact you did. My bad.

[ForMadmenOnly]

..dont want to feed her ego..

The problem really is not that you will feed her ego if you tell her how you feel, but you will rather lose any chance in the world of her coming back if you do. Sad but its true.

[DarkHelmet82]

The problem really is not that you will feed her ego if you tell her how you feel, but you will rather lose any chance in the world of her coming back if you do. Sad but its true.

I dont know if I agree.. if she wants to be with you telling her how you feel wont make a lick of difference. ALTHOUGH at her age, you probably shouldnt say anything. I told my ex how I felt and i got nothing in response, but I do believe that it wouldnt have mattered if I said anything or not.

[ForMadmenOnly]

I dont know if I agree.. if she wants to be with you telling her how you feel wont make a lick of difference. ALTHOUGH at her age, you probably shouldnt say anything. I told my ex how I felt and i got nothing in response, but I do believe that it wouldnt have mattered if I said anything or not.

If she wants to be with him, I agree it will not make a difference if and what he says.

Same if she made her mind that she doesn't want to be with him.

But women are not black and white. And the big problem comes if she has not decided yet. In that case IMHO what he says makes a ton of a difference. And usually if you beg for her or tell her that you love her has the opposite result of what you hope.

My 2p.

[endlesspain]

I dont know if I agree.. if she wants to be with you telling her how you feel wont make a lick of difference. ALTHOUGH at her age, you probably shouldnt say anything. I told my ex how I felt and i got nothing in response, but I do believe that it wouldnt have mattered if I said anything or not.

I see where you coming from...but my past two relationships before dealing with this person happened like this....My first real girlfriend broke up with me, and i begged and pleaded, and gave her logical reasons on why i think we will work...in return she got further turned off. I then learned about no contact a couple months after break up, and started leaving her alone, she then talked about how she missed me, and when I saw her, we ended up having sex...I took this as a sign, and started telling her about my feelings and then she left me for good...My 2nd majore relationship(which I was more experienced in) I gave this girl the world, and did everything for her, then she left me for another guy...when she told me what she did, i hung up the phone after telling her to live her life, and dont waste anymore of my time, she then tried to leave the other guy and get back with me, but i was disgusted she did that and did not want her back, i was so pissed, because i did so much, and was even helping her take care of her sick mom and help her with her rent....these are examples why i dont think confession of love works, and moving on with your life and showing u dont care works better

[ForMadmenOnly]

I see where you coming from...but my past two relationships before dealing with this person happened like this....My first real girlfriend broke up with me, and i begged and pleaded, and gave her logical reasons on why i think we will work...in return she got further turned off. I then learned about no contact a couple months after break up, and started leaving her alone, she then talked about how she missed me, and when I saw her, we ended up having sex...I took this as a sign, and started telling her about my feelings and then she left me for good...My 2nd majore relationship(which I was more experienced in) I gave this girl the world, and did everything for her, then she left me for another guy...when she told me what she did, i hung up the phone after telling her to live her life, and dont waste anymore of my time, she then tried to leave the other guy and get back with me, but i was disgusted she did that and did not want her back, i was so pissed, because i did so much, and was even helping her take care of her sick mom and help her with her rent....these are examples why i dont think confession of love works, and moving on with your life and showing u dont care works better

+1

Same experiences here.

Women... such a weird creatures. Hope there was a female in the thread to help us understand why they behave like this.

[DarkHelmet82]

+1

Same experiences here.

Women... such a weird creatures. Hope there was a female in the thread to help us understand why they behave like this.

well then i ****ed up.. although she got pissed when I told her I moved on so who knows (but we no longer on speaking terms) ... I like this thread.. learning a bunch. Sorry to intervene my situation on here.. ill shut up now.