I don't feel special :(

[hope555]

Anyone else out there feel this way? It feels terrible. I don't know why, but I've never felt special. I feel like i'm never the girl that guys can fall for hard. I'm ok pretty, ok smart, ok funny, ..i just feel so average in so many ways. Even with friends, I feel like no one really craves to be in my company. I do feel like i'm fun, and sooooo sweet...but I feel like no one sees this. I don't even know what to change about myself, because I like myself for who I am...but I just get so lonely sometimes. I know when i used to have my ex on facebook...random girls in his life used to crave for his attention...writing things like "i miss you" and "you're awesome" on his wall..and he was a selfish, fake, narcisstic jerk. No one ever treats me that way...and I'm soooo sweet. Why? I'm mostly the intitator of any plans I make with friends..and of most text msgs...I just feel like if i didn't make the effort, people wouldn't care what happenned to me. Friends sometimes can leave me out of a few plans, without realizing it (well...not really true friends..but people I know). There are many days when the only call/text I get on my phone is from my parents. I just feel so unwanted. At least when i was dating my ex, he craved me, and he gave me attention. Now I feel like no one really cares (besides my family). Even when it comes to dating, I feel like people get to pick and choose (at least my ex did in the case of his new gf)...I'm just happy to get attention from any guy. I don't know why I feel this way...I KNOW I'm not a terrible catch by any means!! Anyway, I hope I can find true satisfaction in my life someday. Thanks for listening.

[DarkHelmet82]

I feel the EXACT same way as you... but im a guy. Heres the thing though... why do you want to be around people who dont care about you? Its kind of a rhetorical question. You need to be able to feel good about YOU. Who cares what others think about you. Im almost at the point where I dont give a shit.. but I am on some serious antidepressents... lol

Love the people who treat you right and forget those who dont.

[smackie9]

When you go down hill in how you feel about yourself, people feel it and don't want to be around you. Maybe you are negative at times, too quiet, and lack confidence. This all plays against you. Try to be more joyful, excited about things, positive, a ball of sunshine and out going.....and be good at suggesting fun things to go and do. Just remember not to push it too hard or you will look desparate.........once you feel good about yourself people will be attracted to you.

[hope555]

I actually am pretty positive, and bright and have a great laugh..people do like being around me. I guess I'm more wondering why boys don't fall head over heels for me. What am I missing? So many girls get guys going all out for them trying to win them over...guys like being in my company, but they don't fall hard. I always see these girls that guys just move cities to be around...and would give up anything to be with them. No one ever goes out of their way for me? Ugh...i need to work on myself more I guess to the point where I'm more vibrant and confident. I don't see why I have to be SOO perfect?? All these other girls are so flawed, and still have boys that fall in love with them. anyway...life sucks! Its so unfair!

[OmnicronPercei8]

Know that not even the best looking people are adored by everyone. I consider myself a good looking guy but if I strike out trying to make conversation with x amount of girls I don't let it get to me. I know that I'm not everyone's particular flavor. And I know that few are mine. Don't concentrate on being "perfect" but instead concentrate on just being yourself. Then someone with true worth will come along and grace you with their love and desire.

EDIT - I really hope you drop that "any guy's affection will do" attitude. You're going to get seriously taken advantage of and hurt if you allow that.

[Sonrisa]

why do you need to feel special?

[pisces25]

Tell your ego to pipe down and go away. The less we feel we need our ego stroked the less things like this bother us.

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, I am your classic average. The only area I can think of that I am above average is in intelligence but that is according to a system that I don't necessarily believe in.

As for the guy thing, you don't want to be the person that has people falling all over themselves for you, you seriously don't. My best friend is one of those girls who manages to get every guys she's been with to fall madly in love with her to a point where they don't seem to get over her. When we were younger I was so jealous and wondered what on earth she had that I didn't. Now I realise this ability of hers is almost a curse. She tries to be nice to her exes and stay friends which impacts her ability to move on. Out of her 4 last relationships she has 3 guys that would do anything for her and she doesn't want anything from them, yes she can't bring herself to cut them loose.

When you start feeling average, focus on what makes you special. When you feel alone, learn to enjoy it. Being alone can be a blessing and when you never get it any more you'll regret not enjoying it when you had it.

[smackie9]

Confident is key for sure. Also understanding guys or "get them" is a big turn on for them.....being a bit of a tomboy in combination with looking hot and being flirty is a guy's dream girl. I had no problem attracting guys that way. Oh snap! The trick is to be able to talk a bit of sports, cars, etc.....you know guys stuff....they love it.

[MaidenMinx]

Confident is key for sure. Also understanding guys or "get them" is a big turn on for them.....being a bit of a tomboy in combination with looking hot and being flirty is a guy's dream girl. I had no problem attracting guys that way. Oh snap! The trick is to be able to talk a bit of sports, cars, etc.....you know guys stuff....they love it.

This is true. My husband kisses me every time I say something that proves I learnt something from Top Gear... or every time I make a star wars reference because he knows how much I dislike star wars.

[abn25]

I think you have valid complaints, especially if you really do like yourself overall and see other people effortlessly attracting people. That may be it though, maybe you are attractive, smart, fun, etc but you are just trying too hard.
Right now just stop comparing yourself to people who for whatever reason have it easy. I know many girls and women who find men easy but are really bitches who get a kick out of all the attention
they get without ever really taking the other persons feelings into play. Keep building on what you have to offer and hopefully the right man and friends will come along. If not, don't change to appease someone else
because you have a genuine personality.

I wish you the best...

[hope555]

you guys have all made really amazing points! i always love the many things you all have to say. I think I have taken away a few things away from what you have said. Firstly, I need to stop being so egocentric and constantly hoping people will fall in love with me. If they don't I shouldn't take it personally, and just move on. I think I'm constantly worried about what others are thinking of me, partly because of how I was brought up (I used to be a dancer, and it screws with your head).

I don't know if I agree with maidenminx saying that having people fall hard for you is a curse. My ex was one of those guys that EVERY girl fell for..and he didn't even have to try at all. Basically he could have anyone he wanted. It seemed like a pretty sweet life to have. In fact, the gf he has right now is absolutely gorgeous...so I feel like guys like him get pick of the lot and end up with very good partners.

Abn25 totally gets me!! That is exactly what I mean! I LOVE who I am...so genuine and sweet and caring...but the world never repays me back for that! I feel like i'm always the one getting screwed over. I had health issues for a looong time and couldn't date. I finally got better when I was 23, and met my ex soon after...that was the only point in my life I felt like maybe I DO get lucky sometimes. But that ended too! I of course have an incredible life! I'm not complaining. I just want to be blessed with love...true love..if karma exists, I think I deserve that...because I would take such amazing care of him.

I guess I don't want to feel "special" per se...I just want someone to say "you're amazing and I would do anything to be with you"...but I don't see why other girls get that, and I don't! I'm just venting. I'm sure we ALL have this frustration. I think talking about it with no judgement from the amazing people on this board helps me a lot!!!

[MaidenMinx]

Having the pick of the bunch doesn't guarantee happiness. In the case of my friend all it has bought about for her is confusion.
My point was basically a grass is greener type of thing. For me, I've never had exes hanging around as friends causing problems, my best friend has. Just because it looks like a lovely scenario it isn't always as fantastic as it looks. I will also admit I was jealous of this ability of my best friends until I met my husband.

My one piece of advice for single folk, (especially with your level of self esteem -ie. you have some. ) is to try your best to enjoy it. If I could go back in time I would tell my younger self to enjoy the time I had to myself. Not that I don't enjoy being with someone, I love my husband. It would have been nice though to come into this relationship with a little more comfort with being with just myself. it would have saved a lot of hassle in the first couple of years.

[confusius]

I feel special to my mama and that's all I need. If you don't like then f*ck off. That's how I roll.

[ufas1987]

I guess I don't want to feel "special" per se...I just want someone to say "you're amazing and I would do anything to be with you"...but I don't see why other girls get that, and I don't! I'm just venting.

I wish I could find a girl that doesnt get scared off when I say that to them. My ex was scared off cuz of that. She said I was smothering her.