Sorry this is long...i really need a guys opinion asap thought :(

[pickling]

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, at that time I moved home and we were 800 miles apart for the last 2 months. I did NC, but he always managed to get in contact with me in some way or another. He was super depressed for a few weeks, then he picked up a rebound girl during this time. After a month of limited contact, we decided to meet up and I went to see him. We fell into old patterns and things first started out in arguments (because I found out about the rebound) and him getting mad at bars when a guy would hit on me. Well, towards the end of my visit we managed to get back to a comfortable place, but he said he was still confused and could not be with me.

I went home, super sad, and decided complete NC this time, called him, told him the break up was fine and told him he did not deserve me right now. A week went by, and he incessantly called and texted me, being very desperate to talk to him. He went on a boys weekend to get his mind off of things (rebound still in picture). He called me, and I picked up and finally asked what did he want. He said he wants to try to work on things with me slowly by stay single and continue to talk to other people so we can be sure we are right for each other. I was upset about the circumstances, and spent a few days thinking it over. He decided to fly out to see me before studying abroad for just a weekend, and we fell seriously so in love again. He had never treated me better and he cried telling me he knows he is hurting me and is sorry. He told me the rebound is just to fill the void, and that he loves me, and wishes we could be in the same place all the time so things could be different.

I finally wrote him an email telling him I cant "work on things" with the rebound in the picture because we have trust issues, and having her on the side is not conducive to trust (they are not dating, just talking everyday). He agreed to drop her although she continued to contact him, and he continued to be good to me for the week before he left the states to go to London. We talked every night, he was flirtatious, and conscious of my feelings, and made sure I knew he was not with anyone else.

He traveled to London last week, and now I became very insecure, him being single and still confused with very limited contact with him bring abroad. I skyped him and broke down in front of him telling him how painful this situation is (relationship limbo). He teared up and said it was all his fault, he just can't let me go, and that if we were in person things would be so different. He told me he will give me space to fully heal, and for me to contact him whenever I'd like. That same night, he reconnected with the rebound and skyped her. They have skyped everyday since I broke down. He has also met a new girl in London--many facebook pics surfaced of him being very flirtatious with her. (Ugh..if one rebound was not enough). Well, we did not talk for 3 days since I broke down, and he skyped me today and things were very good--I tried my best to not bring anything painful up, and it went well and he said he would like to speak to me again. Immediately after, he wrote a very flirtatious message on the rebound's wall--and he has yet to make his relationship with her public because he did not want anyone to know since they started talking.

So my dilemma: after ALL of this... do I go back to limbo and let him be single and figure himself out, and be as positive as possible and hope he realizes he wants me? Or do I go back to NC? The reason I ask is because during the course of all of this he told me when I did NC it pushed him to be with her more, and that me being in his life allows him to see how much he cares about me. But then everyone says to ignore him and he will miss me... both have shown to be true thus far in my case, because as soon as i broke down and told him not to talk to me for a bit, he went straight back to her! Advice please, I'm sorry this is so long--but this is honestly so hard to explain to someone, and I'd really appreciate any words of wisdom. P.S. we will continue to be long distance for a while, and when he heads back to the states he will be with the rebound. :/

[Wakeup]

*sighs* He is setting you up to be available to him while he goes to bed with other women. It's totally up to you if you want to be one of many, a part of his harem. The proof is here:

He said he wants to try to work on things with me slowly by stay single and continue to talk to other people so we can be sure we are right for each other. I was upset about the circumstances, and spent a few days thinking it over. He decided to fly out to see me before studying abroad for just a weekend, and we fell seriously so in love again. He had never treated me better and he cried telling me he knows he is hurting me and is sorry. He told me the rebound is just to fill the void, and that he loves me, and wishes we could be in the same place all the time so things could be different.

"We fell seriously in love again?" I don't think you really know what reciprocal love is then. Someone who loves you won't be trying out new women and keeping you on the hook while he sees if you're "right for each other." He's demoted you to Friend with Benefits. Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because during the course of all of this he told me when I did NC it pushed him to be with her more,

Wow... If you believe his horseshit you're in deep trouble emotionally if you let him carry on having his cake and eat it too. How are you going to be able to stand knowing he's screwing other women while you wait to see if "you're right for one another?"

My suggestion: Tell him to go have his cake but don't expect to have you along with it. I know you're somewhat blind due to your emotional attatchment to this man but darl'n he does not value you the way you value him. Are you into the polyamourous lifestyle? If you're not, then end it now before you're emotionally devestated by him stealing your joy one other woman at a time.

Sorry you're hurting.

[Soreloser]

Date a guy that's 25 or older. Statistically, they become more mentally stable at that age.

This guy honestly sounds insane, though you do seem to have deep feelings for him. The hard truth is that if you stay with this guy, you'll be in for a ton of punishment until he calms his ass down.

[Yet another guy]

Yay! I'll be more mentally stable statistically in a few months Wohoo!
Maybe the girls will want to date me then... Actually, I've multiplied the total number of dates I've had by a factor of 4 this year. Do some girls really take this advice seriously?
Are women statistically mentally stable enough by 25 or should I try the older ones? I wouldn't want my first girlfriend to be crazy.

As for your dilemma, pickling, considering how badly you feel about him, NC seems to be only sensible way to go.
Of course, you should first tell him that he's out of your life if you two can't be in an exclusive relationship. Never go NC without telling them why.
Even if you don't, for some reason, decide to cut all contact, you really should be looking for a proper boyfriend if exclusive relationship is what you're after.

[pickling]

Thanks for the advice everyone. He actually skyped me from overseas today and I told him that I think we should just move on and stop contact since he is still "exploring." I know he has not had sex with either rebound (one is actually long distance the entire time we broke up) because his friends have been badgering him about how he's not hooking up with anyone. Our mutual friends told me he just is not attracted to anyone but me. Our talk today was very lighthearted and upbeat despite the topic of conversation. He says he never not wants to talk to me, and talks to me more than any other girl. He says he only wants to get back together when he's sure I won't go off to professional school in August and find someone else. He said he's just worried that he will put himself on the line trying again with me, and be in a long distance relationship, then for me to find someone else and hurt him. I guess I have no choice but to let him be. I told him I just need space because this is just too much right now...he said he would like to continue talking, and I said I had to think about it for now... He messaged me again and was very flirtatious and told me he misses me. I hate how clouded someone is after a break up. P.S. he's 23 lol

[Soreloser]

@ Yet another guy

25 is about the age where men's testosterone levels drop off. It's also the age where your car insurance rates drop off (cut to about 1/3). If car insurance companies are that terrified of young males, there might be something to it.

Regardless, the suggestion was more-or-less directed at her. I know that there are plenty of younger-than-25's that are perfectly good people. I don't know how people can be attracted to such a raging nutcase, but instead of calling them idiots, give them an interesting suggestion. It goes a lot further.

[Wakeup]

@ Yet another guy

25 is about the age where men's testosterone levels drop off. It's also the age where your car insurance rates drop off (cut to about 1/3). If car insurance companies are that terrified of young males, there might be something to it.

Regardless, the suggestion was more-or-less directed at her. I know that there are plenty of younger-than-25's that are perfectly good people. I don't know how people can be attracted to such a raging nutcase, but instead of calling them idiots, give them an interesting suggestion. It goes a lot further.

Have you heard of the term Logical Fallacy?