Need a woman's advice BAD!

[redmagnum]

Okay, here's what's going on......I need to give some background so I can more accurately tell you what's going on. I'm very confused and kind of down about what's going on.

I have recently become very attracted to a girl at my job, the problem is she's in a relationship, has a child with the guy, and they just bought a house together.....I know, I know but let me continue.......

I have been at my job now for about 6 months, I am one of only 3 men that work there, and there's about 20 females...... this is a job where we visit clients at their homes, to assess their need for services from the govt........ and this job requires driving around the area to see clients. Sometimes, when a client is known for being creepy, hostile, etc. the women will take one of the 3 men that work there with them just for safety.

The girl I am attracted to would often take me with her on visits, and we got along great, she was always a little flirty but not over the top, often touching my leg or hand while we were talking, and she's the kind of chick who doesn't mind if I say some "off color" things to her. Her desk is next to mine and we used to joke around all the time, I have often been able to tell her she has nice breasts and other comments on her body and she was very receptive to this...it was all in a "joking" context and other coworkers would join it, calling her "tits McGee" and stuff like that, people in my office have the same sense of humor I do, pretty dirty....me and another guy I work with joked around about threesomes with her, and she didn't care a bit because it never crossed "the line", it was all in good fun... One day she told me she thinks her boyfriend cheated on her once, and she told me the whole story behind it.Then recently she looked at me and told me she was thinking of "screwing around on her boyfreind". We were freindly like this for a while, I enjoyed flirting with her and things were good...I have often seen her looking at me out of the corner of my eye when she thought I coudn't see, stuff like that, just fun and flirty..she would look at me the way you look at someone you want, and I am sure she would say the same about me, I would look at her like I was genuinely attracted to her...I told her I check her out all the time..I always thought of her as unattainable anyway, so it was harmless.., up until maybe a week or so ago when things "changed"......

She would often send me texts during and after work, just normal stuff, and then one night, about a week ago, at about 11pm she sent me a text saying that the guy who was at a store she went into told her she was pretty, and she told him she had a boyfreind, etc. etc. She texted me to tell me this, and I responded with stuff like "yup it must be tough to be a hot blond" and she was like "but I never get hit on" and I told her that I thought she was very attractive and she must have guys hitting on her all the time,and she thanked me for the compliment, and this went on for an hour or so.

The next day at work was fine, normal routine with her, I told her she looked good today and she was totally receptive to this, and the entire day she was different, acting more nervous and talkative around me............. and then the day after, she started acting wierd......she has hardly talked to me for several days,only responding when I say something to her...... and I often see her talking to one of the other guys I work with (who's engaged) and she asked him to go with her on a visit while I was just sitting there doing nothing. She has seemed like she wants to distance herself from me, in the past few days she hasn't sent me any texts, she barely even looks at me, and I sent her a few texts and barely got a reply back last night. She would go out of her wayto talk to other people at work and basically ignore me. This is where it's at right now, basically, I feel like I might have done something wrong, I have been thinking constantly "did I creep her out"?

In the back of my mind I hope that maybe she is distancing herself from me because she thinks she is becoming too attracted to me,and the flirting went beyond just fun and playful and went into the "serious" zone and now she's embarrassed....... and because she is pretty much engaged, she wants to back off before things get out of hand.......I don't know. Right now I am just giving her the space, not texting her, and the past few days I have not really tried too hard to engage her in conversation. I think I messed up last night and texted her that another girl at work was kinda hitting on me(which she kinda was),in an attempt to break the ice a little.......... and she was like "Gross if you do it I'll puke" and then she was like "Just be careful with that girl" and that was it. I don't plan to text her anymore unless she initiates, which seems doubtful at this point........she doesn't totally ignore or blow me off, but she doesn't interact with me unless I initiate. But yesterday, right before quitting time, she turns to me and slaps my leg and starts talking to me, after pretty much a day of nothing........

Is this chick playing with me? I think she may have issues, I don't know........it seems to me she's in a relationship she may not be 100% sure she wants to stay in, but the fact that they have a kid together is keeping her in it.......and maybe she uses me for an "ego boost" when things are bad, and then they are getting along she doesn't "need" me...........maybe things are going good with her boyfriend right now and she's put me in "off mode"........

I know it's bad........to actually worry about this kind of crap, with a girl who's pretty much with a guy she is going to marry, who has a kid, etc............pretty crazy. I think my main problem is I just don't know what I did wrong and now I have to go to work every day feeling like a creeper........my plan is just to let it drift for a while, play it cool , not go out of my way to interact........and hopefully the awkwardness will subside and we can at least go back to being freindly. I don't know why but this has really been bothering me.......

[kbee]

Her hot and cold behavior in this situation sounds like it could be this: she realizes that she has a kid and to change things about her current relationship might be very difficult (or she's not sure she wants to end her relationship), so she is cooling it off.

I don't think she is playing with you, or trying to be "hard to get" because she has made it easy and friendly up to this point. I think she just realizes now that the next point in the road is "getting her", and maybe that's where it ends now because she has to make a decision about how to handle her current relationship, especially since it involves her kid. She obviously has not made that decision yet because she is sending you mixed signals. If she knew what she watned, and knew how to handle her current situation, her signals would be clear. You said it: "...she is pretty much engaged, she wants to back off before things get out of hand"

She obviously likes you. She just doesn't know how to have her cake and eat it too-- because basically she can't. You didn't do anything wrong. You didnt mess up with that text about the other chick. This girl does have issues, and needs to make a decision--and it wont be quick or easy.

If you don't want to be confused or hurt, let her be. She will not be out of this situation any time soon. As far as being friendly again, that might happen over time, but it will just set you up in the same situation again, and she will become cold again-- unless she has broken things off with her current "fiancee".

[redmagnum]

Thank you, it helps to be able to talk about it, and what you say makes sense. I really do appreciate the insight.

One thing that hit me, just recently, is that if she seems "hot and cold" with her baby's daddy, who will probably be her husband one day.............I don't think other guys are going to be treated any better......

I don't know what happened, I didn't give her a whole lot of thought previously other than a cute girl I enjoyed play flirting with, and then one day it was like I woke up and I had a serious crush on her.

I actually caught myself getting jealous when she asked the other male co worker to go with her without even asking me to go, and then I was like "what am I doing? Am I actually getting jealous over a girl with a kid and a probably soon to be husband?!?!" I don't know if she did this to MAKE me feel jealous, to see if I would say anything about it....which I didn't....or because she is at the point where she doesn't "trust" herself with me alone anymore for fear of saying something to further this whole thing, or having to respond to me saying something to her..........I think because she used to complain about her boyfriend all the time to me, back when I was just a "guy acquaintance" she could vent to, but now she feels awkward around me because now she knows, that I know she's attracted to me.

in my opinion she seems to be choosing her words with me very carefully, she's already kind of "glossed over" a few things I said to her already, like when I said she would look hot in a cowboy hat, and she just kind of didn't say anything and kept typing on her computer.

This is a complete 180 from a few weeks prior, when I told her I bought a new set of pants, and she grabbed the waistband on my hip and pulled it out a few inches and was like "Oh it's elastic..." One wierd thing I must say, is that she showed me a pair of her 2 year old daughter's underwear and told me to feel them "look how thick these are". I thought that was a bit creepy, but hey, the girl's real cute and I overlooked it.

I also think one of her freinds said something, like "you and him are getting pretty close, are you two screwing?!?!" One of her very close freinds that's she's known for years works there, I think the friend told her, "you need to stop all the flirting wth _____, people are starting to talk" There's already been two males and two females who have been jokingly accused of "doing each other".......I also think this girl is afraid of being the next topic of conversation and maybe it getting back to her boyfreind......as in, maybe people have noticed that there's all this flirting going and and she needs to cool this whole thing off........

I think that the flirting was "OK" with her when it was seen as more light and joking and it was just a way to make herself feel good , and a way to hide the fact that she was actually flirting with some intent behind it........when I mentioned the midnight texting to her the day after, she seemed kind of embarassed about it, like "oh crap I went too far with this" kind of thing.

Thanks for just letting me talk all this out, I do appreciate any insight, and I do feel better.......I think either now, or in the past, she had a crush on me but now it's cooled off and the fun's over, that's what I'm getting out of all of this.

I think you're right, Kbee, she knows that the next step would have been things turning sexual and then she realized she had to put the brakes on.....she has openly told me she has been with a lot of guys before her boyfreind, and actually cheated on him when they first started dating, but she told him about it and he forgave her...I don't think girls discuss their sexual history with guys they haven't at least thought about having sex with....I think I'll just be satisfied in the fact that I had an attractive girl who, at one point in time, was having sexual thoughts about me =)

It's too bad, if this girl was single, she would be a LOT of fun to date..........but, in the end, some of them are not worth "waiting out" for something that is never gonna happen!

It's wierd how things happen, I think of myself as the kind of guy who never lets anything bother me, a "live for the moment" type guy, some of the things I have done and seen in the Army while I was overseas has kind of left me with an attitude that not much gets to me, but here I am all twisted up over some girl I work with...........

I think the lesson we can all learn here, is that sexual attraction can blind us to a lot of red flags........when a girl is flirty, looks good, and you want to do sexualstuff with her...........you tend to overlook those warning signs that a girl might actually be a little disturbed and have issues...........I have used this time here, to talk all this stuff out and now that I see it in print I'm like "Wow this girl is messed up.........." I mean, what kind of girl tells a guy, right in the middle of an office, that she's thinking of screwing around on the father of her child? I mean, it's one thing to think it, it's another to come out and say it to a guy in public..........

[deeblondie82]

No matter what its wrong she is taken and it should have never went so far. If she flirted with you like that you should have just kept it professional and not let it get so far because now you are wondering whats going on and who she is going to talk to now.. and she seems to be overwhelmed by your two's close work relationship so she backs off and then makes you jealous. I would just keep it how it is and move on with someone who is single and not attached. Less headache in the long run.

[redmagnum]

Thanks for the advice, I'm already feeling 100% better about it than I did on Friday..........I feel ready to go in there on Monday and not feel uneasy about things.

I feel that this girl just enjoys male attention and when I stop giving it, she can just go find it elsewhere!

I wish I could just go in at 8am and punch out at 5pm with no issues, but when you spend so much time with people these things happen........

[deepika_16]

Hey buddy!! Everything is clear here. She is a nice and quite open minded girl. She didn't take anything wrong but when she felt something about you in her heart she decided to make some certain distance just to save her current [URL="http://www.myboyisanidiot.com"]relationship with the guy[/URL] who is the father of her child. I don't think that she is playing with you or so but the main thing is that when she felt some especial feelings about you she tried to stay away from you. And that's all. Thanks

[deeblondie82]

Yea once you start feeling for a person it never truly goes away. Just keep at work and let her know if she talks to you that you dont want to get into something that someone will regret later on. That you both are adults and can be friends but the flirting has to stop.. before something goes on and it get ugly. Got to nip it early..