Is he romantically attracted or just trying to be friendly or just want sex

[sjigs]

Hi

I am in a bit of a fix and desperately trying to move on or do something about this. I can't concentrate on anything else than this and making me very depressed. Would love to hear a male's point of view on this.

This is my question- does he genuinely like me or is it just sex or friendship he's after?

I joined a company 6 months ago. I am 33 and married for 5 yrs and he is 31 and involved. From the day I joined I noticed him looking at me across the room and have caught his eyes couple of times. Since we are in 2 different divisions although he sits behind me in an open plan office our interactions have been very few over 6 months. When ever we interact he talks very softly and "caringly"(very politely in other words) and blushes. He tends to blush with everyone but a bit more so with me. All this attracted me towards him over 6 months and now I cant stop thinking about him. It doesn't help the fact that I decided to marry my best friend and compromise on passion. I feel I can have a passionate relationship with this guy if he ever decides to make a move.

This is why I think he likes me;

1. He smiles alot when I go over to talk to me as if he's very happy to see me
2. Every time he speaks to me - he is extremely polite and talks with a soft voice- nicer to me than I 've hear him around others
3. He blushes around me
4. He has a very unusual name which I keep pronouncing wrong- he has never corrected me although I've seen him correcting others. When I apologised for it he said the way I pronounce his name sounds nice somehow.
5. He has given me 2 eye brow flashes when he sees me for the first time in the day, throughout the 6 months- first one about 2 months ago and the second couple of days ago.

This is why I think he is not interested romantically and interested in just being a friend or only attracted to me sexually:

1. When we do talk I try to linger the eye contact so he knows I like him(I have even looked at his chest while he was looking at me to show I like what I see!) but his smiling gaze goes from my eyes to elsewhere and back to my eyes and elsewhere again- he never maintains a lingering eye contact even if he;s red in the face and smiling silly.
2. He has a lot of friends- guys and girls a like- but have never seen him being loud and outgoing- he maybe well behaved around me or simply could be a flirt??
3. When transferring objects(only happened twice) he goes out of his way not to touch my fingers. He has never touched me or attempted to.
4. If we were in a small gathering with other collegues I would never catch him looking at me.- as if I am the last person on his mind to notice.

I would very much appreciate a guy's opinion on this.

Thanks
S

[VincenzoG91]

I think that you're over-analyzing this situation that might not even be real. The important part is that you apparently don't value either your marriage or your job much, to even be hoping for something with this guy. You might want to take some time to reflect on your priorities. If you don't think much of your marriage, maybe you should start planning for a divorce, so you can socialize freely without worrying about trouble at home. And if you don't care much about your job, maybe you should start looking for a better one. And maybe you're not even in the right career. Can you start taking some night school classes or something to prepare for a more satisfying career where you won't risk your job for some tawdry affair?

[redmagnum]

If a guy doesn't maintain eye contact, he's conflicted or unsure of himself.

I have kind of a similiar situation..........I am attracted to a girl who is engaged, she has been flirting with me quite a bit, but sometimes I am hesitant to openly flirt back because she is engaged and has a kid with the guy..I mean, I'm not about to blow of a good looking girl who wants to be "playful" but I would never do anything with her, that violates two of my rules.....don't f___ around with co-workers, and don't f___ around with a girl who is with a guy who has kids with her....that's a no-no,because even if they do break up, the guy will still be around forever, because of the kid, and so you'll be seeing the guy who's girl you stole pretty regularly....on the other hand, there's another attractive woman who works with me, and when I talk to her I pretty much maintain eye contact the entire time........because she's single and there's no "issues" there.

I don't over analyze, I flirt with plenty of women, it doesn't mean I'm trying to have sex with them. Sometimes two people find each other attractive, it doesn't mean I'm gonna have a sexual affair with them. A lot of times it just helps pass the work day, make things more fun........

[Mathias]

Does your husband expect you to be faithful?

If so, your question is meaningless. Fix your marriage or get out.

[smackie9]

You are in a position where the situation in your marriage has left you craving for passion....this guy at work is a fantasy, an escape. All you are is in lust, and you are willing to risk it all to have a fling which will leave you with nothing but guilt for you have to go home and face your husband. I agree with the others that if you are ready to hop the fence, you better just separate from your husband. Having an affair is no answer to you problem of lack of passion....it will only add to it.

[sjigs]

Thank you for your replies- I guess I deserve some of the comments. I am craving for passion and have spoken to my hubby many a times about it. I have even suggested that we divorce and start new lives- he doesnt want to let go and I do care for him as a best buddy and I relent. I didn't go looking to be attracted to anyone- it just happened. I am doing a very satisfying job and the last thing I want is to make things uncomfortable at the work place. But then again I can't get this guy out of my mind- I have never felt like this with anyone before and is quite baffling. For the last couple of weeks my heart starts beating fast when

[sjigs]

..I start to talk to him.

[smackie9]

You are going to have to take the next step and that is couples counseling......maybe he will actually hear what you are saying. Either that or just come out and tell him that you desire another man....you know, let him face the reality that you are not happy. Maybe suggest that you could just be friends after the divorce.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for your replies- I guess I deserve some of the comments. I am craving for passion and have spoken to my hubby many a times about it. I have even suggested that we divorce and start new lives- he doesnt want to let go and I do care for him as a best buddy and I relent. I didn't go looking to be attracted to anyone- it just happened. I am doing a very satisfying job and the last thing I want is to make things uncomfortable at the work place. But then again I can't get this guy out of my mind- I have never felt like this with anyone before and is quite baffling. For the last couple of weeks my heart starts beating fast when

My dear... I suggest you print out this thread and leave it for your husband to read since you have such poor communication skills. You need to MAKE HIM understand that you are having sexual feelings for another and that if you guys don't fix whats broken then YOU WILL HAVE TO LEAVE the marriage. Get counceling with a couples councelor or a Sex councelor if you have to. Otherwise you're an ass and you will be hurt beyond what you can imagine when you long to be with this man on your birthdays and holidays but you're spending them alone because he's with his "involved."

Quit making excuses and do the right thing by yourself, your husband and this dude's partner. To do things any differently is self-absorbed and skank worthy to the nth degree. No other way to look at it.

Christ even if your husband is so apathetic and codependent that he gives you permission to bed others the least you could do was find someone who is single to do it with. Ugh.

[richardwordoff]

Wait, you're married?

[bulrush]

I think the OP needs to stoke the passion in her marriage. I do not support secret affairs. If the OP wants polyamory she needs to talk to her husband about this.

(Polyamory is not for everyone. If you want to complain about my comment, PM me, don't derail this thread.)

[sjigs]

I think this has gone off the issue- my marriage is something I am trying to get out of for the last couple of years- fact is my husband and I get along very well as companions-sex is once a month as he's not that in to sex and I knew this before agreeing to get married. I will eventually end this. My question is not about my marriage- it is about this other guy- whether he genuinely likes me according to his behavior that I have specified on my first post. I am not about to get into a steamy affair if it doesn't mean anything. Maybe if I know for sure that there is something before anything does happen I will gain enough strength to end my marriage.

[Wakeup]

I think this has gone off the issue- my marriage is something I am trying to get out of for the last couple of years- fact is my husband and I get along very well as companions-sex is once a month as he's not that in to sex and I knew this before agreeing to get married. I will eventually end this. My question is not about my marriage- it is about this other guy- whether he genuinely likes me according to his behavior that I have specified on my first post. I am not about to get into a steamy affair if it doesn't mean anything. Maybe if I know for sure that there is something before anything does happen I will gain enough strength to end my marriage.

WTF is that matter with you that you have zero integrity and lack the twat to make a decision for yourself? Women like you give the rest of us a bad name by association. Does your husband have money and that's why you married him knowing that sex once a month was not going to be enough for you?

If you want to do the right thing then you will ask your husband to open up your marriage so the you can have sex with men that interest you while you continue in your marriage. if you don't want to continue in your marriage then have the decency to divorce him and then screw other men.

As for wanting to know if the other guy likes you before you make any kind of a move.. Go to hell and figure it out for yourself.

[Mathias]

I think this has gone off the issue- my marriage is something I am trying to get out of for the last couple of years- fact is my husband and I get along very well as companions-sex is once a month as he's not that in to sex and I knew this before agreeing to get married. I will eventually end this. My question is not about my marriage- it is about this other guy- whether he genuinely likes me according to his behavior that I have specified on my first post. I am not about to get into a steamy affair if it doesn't mean anything. Maybe if I know for sure that there is something before anything does happen I will gain enough strength to end my marriage.

Yeah, nobody here is actually going to give advice to someone this weak and selfish.

[smackie9]

Men are attracted sexually to most anything that has boobs, nice legs, etc. He most likely would like to stick it in you for sure, but liking you on an emotional level... no. When you are single again you will discover a lot of that with guys