Dating: new to it and would like some guidance

[flannalan]

I’m a single professional woman in her late twenties. I have had two previous relationships that have had any meaning. The first was from 18-21 and the next was from age 22-26.
I have been single now for a year, after my previous relationship and its subsequent breakdown I have taken the year to reassess and have some ‘me’ time.

I now feel like I am ready for dating and/or a relationship if I find the man that I want.

Due to my work hours and lifestyle, I don't really have the opportunity to meet people on a face to face basis, so I have given online dating a go. I have been on a few dates and found that the men have just not been right for me, so it has gone no further than the initial first date.

I have however met a very nice man, we went on our first date yesterday, it was actually at very short notice as we both realised we would be in the same place as each other and thought it daft not to meet up for a drink and to say hello. So we did and it went very well, I most definitely want a second date and today he called (a big thumbs up that he called rather than text!) and asked if I would like to go on a second date with him. I agreed and we both agreed that we would get in touch to sort out the details as we both have busy schedules.
No contact between that call and a text received a few hours later which explained he has to go away on business for a week at short notice. No problem at all with that, it can’t be helped. I wished him a safe trip and he said we would definitely arrange something when he returns, if I would still like that.

Sorry for the drawn out story, I thought it best to give all the details. So my questions are really as I have had limited dating experience,
a) what (if any) contact should there be whilst he is away? My feelings are that as it is a business trip, I should leave things alone and let him initiate any contact, but then again I don't want it to seem as though I am not interested as he has initiated all contact so far,
b) what should I expect from a second date, although it feels very much like a first as yesterday was very very relaxed and almost just like a hello and to put a face to our names so to speak. I'm sure this question could sound like a very silly one, but I just don't want to mess things up by not getting the obvious things right, if that makes sense.

The reason I put this in the ask a male section is because I have lots of female friends who say one thing, but have very few male friends and would really value a males perspective on this.

Thankyou

Laura

[smackie9]

I say don't focus your time on this guy and let him contact you when he gets back. it was only a date and not by no means a relationship and so it shouldn't be treated as one. You don't owe this guy your faithfulness, so keep your options open, get out there and date others.

[flannalan]

Of course, I am not intending to put all my eggs in one basket. I was and still am unsure on dating etiquette so to speak. I don't want to come across as too keen but on the otherhand don't want to seem disinterested.

[HeartIsAching]

I think it'd be best if you contact him at least once while he's gone. Call in the evening when he's likely to be finished with his business, and let him know that you're anticipating his return - this lets him know that you're interested. You might, during the course of the conversation let him know that you're open to him calling you during his trip, if he has time and is inclined. This puts the ball in his court without pressuring him. If he can and wants to, he will, but you won't be pestering him.

[Jarndyce]

I would disagree, I think you would do better to wait for the week and contact him when he returns. As it stands it sounds likely that he will contact you when he returns anyway.
Calling while he is on business could come across as too keen, and could prove a distraction when he's probably focussed and working hard. If he calls you this week, then you know you can call him another day. If he doesn't, then I'd suggest you wait until the day he is supposed to return, and call then.

[qwertz]

I agree with the last poster. I wouldnt call, wait for him to inititate contact or at the very most send a text at the end of his trip just saying something like "hope you had a safe trip home" etc...that leaves the ball in his court and also lets him know you are still interested.

[mwahahaha]

Sounds like this dude has serious issues.
You virtually put it on a plate for him, and he goes on a"business" trip?

In my opinion, there is no trip, this willy boy is probably crying and shaking in his moms basement at the thought of seeing a real woman naked.

Tread carefully with this charlatan.

[Yet another guy]

I agree with HeartIsAching, except I think that this is one rare type of occasion where a text message would be suitable. Do you know if he's going abroad? Time zones make calling tricky.

[Boisdevie]

I'm a guy. There is nothing wrong with you contacting him or vice versa. Your first date went well so why would you scare him off by contacting him? Perhaps it's because I'm a feminist (= equality between the sexes) so it's for both parties to make the running. All this bullshite about not contacting him because you might seem to be desperate or an easy lay is just carp - if you like him contact him. Why the hell not. Life is too short for silly games.

And good luck.

[surfhb]

If he like you, hed be thrilled to hear from you on his trip.

[DarkHelmet82]

I wouldnt read too much into anything. Contacting him when he is away wont make a difference.. either hes interested or hes not. Personally I would want you to contact me when i was away..

My point is.. do what you feel is right, as either one wont make or break it in my opinion

[flannalan]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I did text him earlier today to ask if he got to his his destination safely. He replied in a very positive way, so i'm pleased. I won't text him again, afterall he is away on business so I shall wait for him to initiate any more contact whilst he is away. I think that is the right thing? As when I am away on business I am usually quite busy!

[surfhb]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I did text him earlier today to ask if he got to his his destination safely. He replied in a very positive way, so i'm pleased. I won't text him again, afterall he is away on business so I shall wait for him to initiate any more contact whilst he is away. I think that is the right thing? As when I am away on business I am usually quite busy!

Yep..... Dont contact him again. I garantee he will call when he gets home