Total moodswing.. what brought this on?

[dior01]

I finally made the bold leap of venturing into the dating world 4 months after a very painful break-up. (my ex cheated) The outcome made me feel like I never want to date again.

Basically, I met this guy that I really like. First guy to give me butterflies since my ex. He's perfect for me...we have tons in common and I am super attracted to him. He's a pro salsa dancer and so am I...it doesn't get more perfect. I have to admit that I have noticed him in the past (salsa community is very tight-nit) but I was with my ex at the time so I never gave him any attention. (I was very loyal and in love with my ex) About a week ago, I went dancing and ran into this new guy there. He looked very good..we exchanged looks.. and my friends convinced me to add him on Facebook so I did in hopes that he was interested.. He messaged me right away on FB. At first it was small talk.. but it didn't take long for him to start flirting. Some KEYS things he said: -he asked me a lot of things about who I am, what I do, etc -he said "one day I'll have the pleasure of dancing with you"
-he said "how about every time you go to club _______ to dance, I'll come pick you up and we'll go together".. to which I responded : "is that a date, a promise or a suggestion" and he said" it's more the first two not so much the last one "

There were 126 msgs exchanged between us within 3 days.. (morning to night).. the last msg was him asking me what time he can pick me up when we go dancing and I told him maybe it's easier if he texts me at this point and that we can figure it out when we talk.. and I gave him my number.. he texted me within 10 mins! At this point it seemed like he was interested no? Well the wknd rolls around and he was going to a dance competition in a diff city for the wknd. He never invited me but I figured he had plans with his salsa academy already.. plus we haven't even gone on a formal date at this point yet (it's only been a week) SInce I gave him my number he texts me through out the day and sometimes at night too.. just small talk, how my day is going, and asking me more questions about me.. sometimes he would flirt a bit like send me winks or smiley faces. ANYWAYS.. he goes to his competition and I don't hear from him the entire wknd which is fine because I know he's busy..then today, out of nowhere, he texts me early in the morning while I was at work.. again saying hi with a smiley face..this was our convo:
him- hey
me- hi
him - what are you up to
me - working away.. busy morning u?
him - just had a long talk with my ex girlfriend.. wasn't sure what was going on but looks like we're over for good. Now there's weird tention between us so don't think I'll be talking to her for a while. (i'm thinking: where is this coming from)
me- I see... doesn't sound like she's your ex yet.
him - Oh trust me she is. It's over and today's convo solidified the deal
me - sounds like you're still hung up on it.. didn't realize you were in the middle of a break-up (why would he flirt with me then)
him- Well part of me still has feelings for her but a bigger part knows it won't work so I'm ready to move on
me - that's good.. well I know how you feel my ex-fiancee cheated on me and it was very hard to walk away but i did it and i'm over it now.
him- sorry to hear that.. yeah, I don't see myself ever getting married or having kids.. but maybe that's the young person in me talking (he's 22 and I'm 24)
me- well, when you meet the right one you will change ur mind
him- I just let fate decide my life..anyways that's my life
me- cool
him- well at least we're getting to know each other even though it's thru text
me- yeah too bad it's just text
him- well now that I'm done competing I have more time
me- good to know
him- don't take that as like I wanna get with you cuz it's not like that (huh???)
me- um.. ok no problem.. I guess you're not interested in that way then.. I get the picture?
him- I guess I am just a friendly guy
me- lol ok guess so.. cool well I gotta get back to work have a nice day
him- u too!

what the heck was that??? My ex is in the salsa scene too.. could he have something to do with this??? How can someone flip like a coin just like that? did he get wind of all the drama I had with my ex (there was a lot of it and some ppl know about it.. but my ex has already moved on with someone else..didn't take him long either) Is he telling me the truth about the ex?

none of this makes sense! I need a guy's perspective please help!

[lahnnabell]

Do you envision yourself getting married and having kids? You should never ever think that you can change someone to fit your lifestyle... This guy has flat out told you that he has no serious intentions of doing either. Sure, he may grow into the idea, but I certainly wouldn't want to be the one hanging around for years, waiting to find out.

The reason I say cut your losses now is because you've obviously already developed a very strong attachment to this guy. One that you'll probably have a hard time walking away from if he does tell you he never intends to marry you.

[dior01]

That's fine I'm just trying to figure out what brought about the change of heart?? I don't care about the marriage/kids comment because I wasn't even thinking about that it's wayyyy too soon.. but any explanation for the weird texts after all that flirting? It's not like we even had a first date for him to say he felt no connection or whatnot.. I don't get it!

[KingZ]

Have you met him in person?

[Wakeup]

him- don't take that as like I wanna get with you cuz it's not like that

Well, I could be totally off base here but If i'm not mistaken I'd say thats a line that would be used in the PUA community to get you to try harder for him to like you so that you start to make it easy for him to do exactly what he said he didn't want, which is to "get with you." As well, "To get with you" could mean in a sexual way for casual sex and he's just trying to reassure you that that isn't what he's meaning???

Dude is just out of a relationship anyway so I bet his next line to you will be "I don't want a relationship or I'm not ready for a relationship" which is basically code for:
.. I'll do you casually, but don't expect to put strings to this 'thing' we got going. Rebounding is another horrible possibility ..

I'm sounding rather negative but he's red flaggy already to me. I'd tread carefully with this one, if he pursues you further, which I suspect he will.

[dior01]

Have you met him in person?

yes.. I've seen him around in the salsa scene for like 2 yrs.. and I always thought he was cute.. but we never talked because I was in a relationship back then.. 4 months after the break-up I ran into him at a salsa club again and he smiled at me.. that's what prompted my friends to convince me to add him on facebook ( I knew his name because it was always announced at salsa competitions)

[dior01]

Well, I could be totally off base here but If i'm not mistaken I'd say thats a line that would be used in the PUA community to get you to try harder for him to like you so that you start to make it easy for him to do exactly what he said he didn't want, which is to "get with you." As well, "To get with you" could mean in a sexual way for casual sex and he's just trying to reassure you that that isn't what he's meaning???

Dude is just out of a relationship anyway so I bet his next line to you will be "I don't want a relationship or I'm not ready for a relationship" which is basically code for:
.. I'll do you casually, but don't expect to put strings to this 'thing' we got going. Rebounding is another horrible possibility ..

I'm sounding rather negative but he's red flaggy already to me. I'd tread carefully with this one, if he pursues you further, which I suspect he will.

Thanks for the input.. to the first part of your msgs: if he was interested but not looking for sex and reassuring me.. then why is it that when I said: oh i guess you're not interested in me, he said I guess I'm just a friendly guy... don't all of his sings prior to that convo indicate interest.. ? A bit overly friendly for someone who's not interested no? Esp. since he asked me out on a date...

Could this really be related to his confused emotions towards his ex..? (btw... I looked through his facebook and it looks like they were together for 6 months tops..nothing compared to my engagement of many yrs.. but I guess he could have really liked her)

I guess noone here thinks this has anything to do with my ex...which is good...

[lahnnabell]

Thanks for the input.. to the first part of your msgs: if he was interested but not looking for sex and reassuring me.. then why is it that when I said: oh i guess you're not interested in me, he said I guess I'm just a friendly guy... don't all of his sings prior to that convo indicate interest.. ? A bit overly friendly for someone who's not interested no? Esp. since he asked me out on a date...

Could this really be related to his confused emotions towards his ex..? (btw... I looked through his facebook and it looks like they were together for 6 months tops..nothing compared to my engagement of many yrs.. but I guess he could have really liked her)

I guess noone here thinks this has anything to do with my ex...which is good...

I don't get what's so unclear to women... I really think it just comes down to having a hard time accepting that he has ulterior motives. We want to believe so much that we're the exception to the rule. Guys pull the "friendly" card all the time. It's a total PUA move to get you to feel comfortable around them when you are, in fact, having reservations about the whole thing. Listen to your gut and tread carefully.

[smackie9]

His flirting was his way to make himself feel better.....he leaned on you because he was hurting. Now you see why there was no date....he had unfinished business with his ex. The talk with the ex and the reality of it officially over was quite the blow for him....so he is pulling back from everything to lick his wounds. You never know, when he bounces back he will probably be ready to go out on that date.

[dior01]

I don't get what's so unclear to women... I really think it just comes down to having a hard time accepting that he has ulterior motives. We want to believe so much that we're the exception to the rule. Guys pull the "friendly" card all the time. It's a total PUA move to get you to feel comfortable around them when you are, in fact, having reservations about the whole thing. Listen to your gut and tread carefully.

What's PUA?

And what would his motive be?

Maybe he was just flirting to feel better while going through his break-up and not because he was actually into me?

[Wakeup]

Thanks for the input.. to the first part of your msgs: if he was interested but not looking for sex and reassuring me.. then why is it that when I said: oh i guess you're not interested in me, he said I guess I'm just a friendly guy... don't all of his sings prior to that convo indicate interest.. ? A bit overly friendly for someone who's not interested no? Esp. since he asked me out on a date...

It's a game and it's working on you. He's got you all a tither about him, he's now renting free space in your brain. He's psychologically setting you up to crave him. It's that "treat them mean and keep her keen" mentality that so many woman say doesn't work on them but it does work... Look how confused he's got you now and when he does see you he'll have fkd with your head enough that you'll be happy and grateful that he's still giving you his time, conversation and attention. I'm just guessing here that that is what he's doing because as you say, why would anyone show apparent interest only to immediately take it back.. because.it's.a.game :o)

Could this really be related to his confused emotions towards his ex..? (btw... I looked through his facebook and it looks like they were together for 6 months tops..nothing compared to my engagement of many yrs.. but I guess he could have really liked her)

I think that conversation was to let you know that he was just out of a breakup and so that he could readily use the line about not wanting a relationship. Telling you that he doesn't want kids or to get married is to let you know he doesn't want strings. (just guessing again but it seems so blatant that it immediately came to mind)

I guess noone here thinks this has anything to do with my ex...which is good...

I think one of your first questions to him (should he continue to pursue) is to find out why they broke up. The answer to that might tell you a lot about his dating style and him in general.

To me he sounds like a player. *shrugs*

What's PUA?

"Pick Up Artist"

[smackie9]

If this guy is doing PU he is not very good at it.....talk of having feelings for the ex still, would make me lose his number.

[MaidenMinx]

Honestly, maybe it's just me, but when you said he went away for a competition and came back with that convo, I actually wondered if he had heard something about your ex and used his ex as an excuse. Actually so far it is only me and I am known for jumping to conclusions. Is his ex also into salsa?

[lahnnabell]

If this guy is doing PU he is not very good at it.....talk of having feelings for the ex still, would make me lose his number.

Haha, obviously he's doing something right because she's still rackin' her brain over this guy.

[Wakeup]

Haha, obviously he's doing something right because she's still rackin' her brain over this guy.

Not only that, if you read back Smackie you'll see that he's not talking about his "feelings" for his ex at all but rather that he's finished with her or, at the very least "he won't be talking to her for a while." That last part would be a red flag to me because I expect any guy that I went out wouldn't be talking to his ex EVER again. I can do without ex baggage and as far as I'm concerned everyone else can too.