Asking a guy out - kiss of death?

[Bluesidhe]

I have a dilemma (like most people here haha!).

There's this guy that I've liked for about 5 years. When I met him I was in a relationship so even though I was very attracted to him and he was very nice I avoided him so I wouldn't be tempted. When I broke up with my boyfriend I needed time to work on myself so I made the decision not to date anyone. 3 years later... I started dating an old friend but I learned pretty quickly that we weren't compatible. I recently saw the guy that I like again and my attraction was even stronger than it was before. I don't know if it's a product of me not getting laid in a long time but I think about him a lot. I don't want to but I can't really help it. I even considered maybe just sleeping with him to scratch the itch and make it go away but the smart part of me know that plan is stupid and disastrous.

I realize that I'm building this guy up way too much and I need to calm down but I can't stop fantisizing about him.

I'm relatively shy and I don't ask guys out (ever) but I grew some balls and asked this guy if he wanted to hang out. My goal is to get to know him better so I can reevaluate the way I feel instead of my pheromones controlling my actions. The guy was really enthusiastic and we're going to hang out when he gets back from a vacation.

My dilemma is that a girlfriend of mine told me that I screwed up. She says I came on too strong by asking him out and that he'll forever think about me as just a friend. Is that true? I've heard guys say that they would love a girl to ask them out but my same friend said guys only say that but they don't actually like it. Is there truth to that? Did I jump the gun? Should I have been ladylike, flirting with him endlessly hoping that he'd catch a hint?

Also, technically we're going to be hanging out, not going on a date. What are some subtle ways I can let him know I'm attracted to him, without asking him to come to my place?

Please help! Thanks...

[Yet another guy]

I've heard guys say that they would love a girl to ask them out but my same friend said guys only say that but they don't actually like it. Is there truth to that?

That's total bullshit. If he's interested, you've made the optimal move. Except, it might have been better to ask him on a date.

To show your attraction...
Be obviously flirty.
Kiss him.
Just tell him that you're interested in dating him.

They might not all be subtle, but why should they be?

[Jarndyce]

Subtle doesn't always work. Sometimes what you consider a subtle indication that you like him will be totally missed. Don't go over the top, but don't be too subtle.

There's nothing wrong with asking a guy out at all. Assuming there's some attraction from his side I'm sure he'd be enthusiastic and flattered, after all, what higher complement can a girl pay him?

[Yet another guy]

what higher complement can a girl pay him?

A blowjob.

[Jarndyce]

I'm tempted to say 'touche', but I meant a genuine complement

[Bluesidhe]

I am not going to kiss him. That seems pushy and a bit psycho.

I'm not trying to scare him away :/. I'm also not trying to set myself up for a sex only kind of fling. I just want to get to know him better to see if I really like him. Jumping into romantic actions with him is not going to help my case I don't think.

[Yet another guy]

I'm also not trying to set myself up for a sex only kind of fling.

I can see that. If you were trying to do that, the most optimal path would have been to rip your clothes off and pounce.

I just want to get to know him better to see if I really like him.

Oh, I thought that you had a crush on him or something like that, sorry. Maybe in that case you don't want to get too affectionate yet. Letting him know you are interested in dating is still good and flirting too, I think.

[Bluesidhe]

I do have a crush on him it's just that in the past being physically attracted to someone (but not really knowing them) has caused me a lot of trouble and unnecessary drama. I don't ever want to just jump into something head first again without getting to know the person first. It's weird but it's my personal hang up.

I agree that flirting and letting him know I'm interested seems to be what I should do.

Thanks for the advice.

[Bluesidhe]

Another question... He gave me his number :/

Wtf am I supposed to do with that? Don't guys usually ask for the girls number? That's how it's always happened to me before. What does it mean when a guy gives you his number, but doesn't ask for yours?

[HeartIsAching]

Your friend is wrong - if he was at all interested in you, he was likely flattered that you asked.

Him giving you his number... that's probably because he's not absolutely sure that you're interested, so he wants to see if you'll call, coupled with the fact that you asked him out the first time, so he's pretty sure that you're comfortable enough to call if you are.

[Yet another guy]

Another question... He gave me his number :/

Wtf am I supposed to do with that?

This may come as a surprise... You call him.

He probably gave it because he was unsure if you would give yours. I think you might want to show him that you're interested in him by acting like it. Luckily you have his number which makes it rather easy.
Why didn't you give him your number when he gave his?

[Bluesidhe]

I didn't give him my number because he didn't ask for it and I didn't want to scare him away by showing too much interest.

He told me to contact him on a certain date when he's back. I was planning on contacting him 4 days after the date he'd set (again, so I don't scare him away by seeming over eager).

What I hear you guys saying is that if I continue with my line of thought and behavior I'm sending him the wrong message.

[Yet another guy]

Showing a guy, that you're interested is always good. It's possibly necessary if he's shy or unsure of your interest in him. A woman who takes initiative and stays in contact is valued/desired/respected/admired... greatly by guys. It's an excellent way of showing your interest.
From guys point of view, waiting for him to contact and not making any other initiative looks exactly the same as ignoring him and thus appearing uninterested which is never good.

Here's a few things that may scare him away:
Spamming text messages. If he hasn't answered to one that you've sent, don't send another. If he has and you want to send another consider calling instead. (That's my personal opinion, some guys may like texting, everyone doesn't)
Same goes for missed calls. If he doesn't pick up, send a message to call you back rather than leave tons of unanswered calls.
Asking him to move in too early.
Asking to marry him too early.
Jealous, controlling or obsessive behaviour.

Notice that you haven't been even close to any of the listed things.
If anything you've done or something we've suggested scares him away, you didn't have a chance in the first place and are lucky to not need to waste time on him.

Why would you want to disappoint him? If he's asked you to contact him when he's back, that's when you should contact him if you don't want him to lose any interest he has by acting uninterested. If you don't, he'll surely think that you're ignoring him or have forgotten all about him.

[Bluesidhe]

You guys make sense. Thanks for the advice.

[Boisdevie]

I was talking to a woman last year who asked me out. She has been my girlfriend for nearly a year. Her asking me out did NOT scare me off or make her seem desperate. Quite the opposite.