Complicated Long-Distance Relationship

[Isotope22]

Is it possible to fall in love with someone over texting and occasional long phone conversations... With someone they've never met?
Would things ever work out in person?

This isn't a question about myself, but a close friend that I'm worried about.
She met this guy on facebook in December and they have been texting since. They have had phone conversations but text more often than talk.
She lives in MN and the guy lives in AZ. He drinks pretty frequently, and is also an on and off again heroin and meth user. He wants to come see her, but he has fines to pay the state before he goes. He just got a job a little over a month ago and is saving a little at a time to come see her.

It seems like if you're talking to someone exclusively over texts and occasional phone conversations, the person can seem far more appealing than they would be in person.

... And actually, it's not just a friend... We just broke up after a 2 year relationship, and a very serious relationship at that. She started talking to this guy in December, and started having feelings for him a couple months after that. We were talking about an open relationship for a long time, because she said she still loved me, but then last week she said that when he comes here, she wants to be exclusive with him. I can't help but feel like shit, as you might imagine, but with her being borderline and obsessive when it comes to people, it leads me to wonder if her feelings for this guy are 100% legit. She gets these strong feelings, but then she comes crashing down and tries to push him away. We never had any real problems in our relationship, but I keep thinking that her tunnel vision for this guy has clouded her judgment on our relationship and on this new romantic interest.

Any opinions on that? It's killing me inside, because honestly I don't know what's so great about this new guy. It's not the first time this has happened, she has had feelings for other guys exclusively over texts while we have been dating, but they all ended. We have basically been in an open relationship since this happened, although I was never interested in other girls. I'm just trying to figure out if this is those other guys all over again. If she wasn't the most amazing girl I have ever met, I would have ended this with the first guy, but I really wanted things to work out. I still have hope, like maybe she will learn some sort of lesson from this guy, but is there even a lesson to learn? Is it just me, or is this just the way she is at this juncture of her life? I have no idea...

[Cerby]

Oh man, another doormat situation.

Screw this guy, screw her, screw the whole situation. Grow a pair and walk away. She wants to keep you around while sampling the market, and when she finds someone better, you're at the curb. Beat her to it, dump her - harshly. Make her realize what she lost and leave with your head held high. Right now you're just sitting around waiting for relationship execution.

Your initial question isn't relevant to the situation, your relationship is in peril because her feelings for you don't match yours for her. Its extremely hard to leave someone you love, but your happiness comes first.

[bulrush]

Is it possible to fall in love with someone over texting and occasional long phone conversations... With someone they've never met? Would things ever work out in person?

This depends a lot on the ages of both people involved. Younger people think they are "in love" when in fact it's more passion or infatuation, not real love. It is possible, but for younger people, it's often a situation that will not end well. Meaning it won't last.