Are these problems with her and I insurmountable?

[LoveKorea]

I have a relationship I hold very dear with a person I am deeply in love with but it's future faces serious obstacles that could tear us apart.

1. We now live in different countries in different time zones. She lives in Korea. I'm in UK

2. I can't leave my job, it's the beginning of what I hope to be my career and circumstances dictate that I'm unlikely to get another chance if I leave or lose this job.

3. She just graduated from university and is looking for a job in Korea.

4. I don't speak Korean

5. I just spent 3 blissful weeks with her after a 5 month wait but, the strain of long distance for those 5 months nearly broke me. She changed, a lot and began to treat me disrespectfully and more or less lost her affection for me and the joy began to drain from the relationship. I was prepared to break it all off after one last visit, but things were so different and wonderful when we were together that I've rethought everything.

6. She is very jealous of any other women I spend time with, and though there is no need to be, I understand why because - early in to our relationship I kissed another woman. I told her, and broke off all contact with the other woman, begged for forgiveness and did everything I could to be the best man and boyfriend I could be for her from then on. I've never done anything since and she forgave me but the distrust lingers and it is problematic because though understandable, it's baseless.

7. She recently has been talking about marriage and actually, I can picture it, I even think I want it but the previous 6 things I mentioned seem like pretty big barriers to this idea. Especially because there's more problems

8. I'm poor and most likely will be for some time, and she is supported entirely by her parents.

9. She manipulates me and I know it. I can never win an argument with her because she's so precious to me I never want to make her unhappy even when I feel she's wrong or I'm being given a raw deal.

So, all this sounds pretty bleak, but does anybody think I could overcome these problems, even how? I feel like it's worth trying to, but I wonder if it's even possible.

[guest1980]

Hi there.
My humble opinion is for this to work eventually both of you should move to the same country. The ideal would be for her to come to the Uk and keep her parents support till she gets a job. Keep your job until you are sure of each other. Have a sincere discussion about your concerns

[uk_guy]

Sounds difficult mate, I understand the trust issue, I'm going through a similar issue but in reverse and I don't feel secure, loved or safe no matter what she tells me but I also love her so much I can't just walk away and end it... there's always that doubt. I moved half way across England to be with her but it feels like I've had that thrown back in my face now

[devonbrown]

Let me just run through these point by point:

1. Distance doesn't have to be a breaking point, but such a far distance does make things more difficult.

2. While distance doesn't have to be a breaking point, not having any plan for making that distance go away very well could be. With no end in sight to the distance issue, I don't know how it can survive.

3. See number 2.

4. That shouldn't be a big issue if you can communicate with her. Plus, you can always learn if you wanted.

5. People change all the time. In a relationship, it is important to understand these changes and work together to work through them and see if your personalities still mesh.

6. She has lost trust in you and she is having a hard time regaining it. The only you can do is continue to show her you are trustworthy through your actions. But, if she doesn't want to let the past go and trust you, there is only so much you can do.

7. How can you get married if you are not even seeing each other more than once every 5 months?

8. Financial considerations are important when thinking about a future together. It isn't romantic, but logical and necessary. You have to get yourself in a good place first and then you can consider marriage.

9. You are a doormat for her. You need to have some confidence and strength in yourself. If you just roll over anytime she disagrees with you, you will only grow to resent her.

From these 9 items you listed, it doesn't sound good for a future between the two of you. Unless some major changes are made. But it doesn't sound like they will be.

Sorry, but good luck.