Should I give this relationship a chance?

[guarded]

Our relationship started out as a friendship; we talked and hung out with each other almost every day and became close friends for about a year before we took anything to the next step. After that first year of just being friends, we realized our attraction for each other and inevitably, we began to hook up. It's been a year since we started "seeing" each other. We spend a considerable amount of the week with each other, we're extremely compatible, and he's been saying he wants to make things official for months. It really is like we're together already, just without the "labels". However, I'm wary of fully investing my feelings in this relationship and giving him all of me. I think I love him, but I don't want to get hurt. For the past months, he's been telling and trying to convince me that he truly does love me and he can't imagine himself with anyone but me. He says I am the perfect girl for him because our personalities match so well and I remember him saying once "I feel like I've hit the jackpot with you". BUT, just when I was going to let my guard down...something happened. He was on vacation this past week and he called me from out of the country apologizing...he told me that he was drunk and had almost hooked up with another girl. He had left the club with her and they were going to have sex, except he couldn't get in the mood. He said that the girl wasn't me and he couldn't do it.

Now my question is...what do I do now? Even though we weren't officially together, I feel like if he wanted me to be his that badly, he wouldn't have even took another girl back to his room. It doesn't matter that he didn't do anything in the end, but the fact that he had intentions to...its kind of disappointing. But since we AREN'T official yet...do I just get over this and forget about it, and give this relationship a chance? Or is this too much of a red flag and I just keep it friends with benefits...

[Cerby]

You aren't official because YOU don't want to be. He has the right to do whatever he wants and you should deal with it. You have no right to feel disappointed.

You should do one of two things, you should either

a) get into a relationship, with all the bells and whistles, or
b) stop hooking up all together.

There is too much emotional attachment to keep hooking up without the rest of it as well.

[amanda.m]

I agree with Cerby. He may have had intentions on doing something but in the end he didn't go through with it which I think says something considering he isn't officially with anyone and could have done as he pleased.

Also the fact that he was up front and told you about the situation says a lot of good about him as well. He wanted to be honest with you and regretted what had happened.

If you want to make it official then do it but if not then I'd stop all other relations because with all of the attached feelings friends with benefits just won't work out well at all. Good luck!

[amanda.m]

I agree with Cerby. He may have had intentions on doing something but in the end he didn't go through with it which I think says something considering he isn't officially with anyone and could have done as he pleased.

Also the fact that he was up front and told you about the situation says a lot of good about him as well. He wanted to be honest with you and regretted what had happened.

If you want to make it official then do it but if not then I'd stop all other relations because with all of the attached feelings friends with benefits just won't work out well at all. Good luck!

[Wakeup]

Now my question is...what do I do now? Even though we weren't officially together, I feel like if he wanted me to be his that badly, he wouldn't have even took another girl back to his room. It doesn't matter that he didn't do anything in the end, but the fact that he had intentions to...its kind of disappointing. But since we AREN'T official yet...do I just get over this and forget about it, and give this relationship a chance? Or is this too much of a red flag and I just keep it friends with benefits...

Oh for goodness sakes. Just quit the bullshit and tell him that his nearly caving to the sexual wiles of another woman has pushed you to realize how much he means to you and that you'd like to be his exclusive girlfriend.

You say should I "just keep it friends with benefits" like saying that would keep you from being hurt should he **** another girl. Uhm.. the term won't protect your emotional health in the least. Time for you to shit or get off the pot all together I'd say.

[devonbrown]

I agree with the previous responses. No labels doesn't mean you don't have feelings for him. And the feelings are what brings about reasons to feel the pain you are worried about.

However, because YOU kept pushing him from having anything other than a casual situation with you, he was and is under no obligation to stay away from anyone else. He's free to do whatever he wants, whether he has feelings for you or not.

If you want a relationship with him, then just do it. But don't say you don't want a relationship and then whine when he acts like he isn't in a relationship.