Can I trust her ?

[Xenth91]

Hi, I'm new here, I was looking for a way to express myself.

I'll tell you my story.

I'm in a relationship with a girl I met in school. We've been in a relationship for 11 months. Everything went well, we never had a serious fight and we trusted and loved each other. But after 7 months, she told me she cheated on me with another guy. After a few weeks apart I forgave her, everything was well and remained that way for another 2 months. However... these past few months she has been going on vacation, with some friends, without me. She has also been fairly distant from time to time, things changed from day to day. Sometimes she was sweet, loving and warm. Other days she was distant, cold and careless. Today she decided to go to a festival I didn't want to attend, because frankly... I'm studying for some very important exams and need all the time and concentration I can get. Eventually I broke under the pressure and here I am explaining what happened. I can't really take it anymore because I don't fully trust her. I imagine her to be cheating on me with a guy of some sort. I don't know where she's going to sleep or when she'll be back... What should I do ? I'm out of ideas. I can't just leave her, I love her so much it would destroy me.

[IndiReloaded]

Can you trust her? Sure, if you want. Trust comes from you, not her.

You are confusing trust with 'trustworthy'. Your question should be: is she trustworthy? No, I wouldn't say so.

Are there things she can or should be doing to increase her trustworthiness? I would say yes, but she doesn't seem to care enough to want to. That should give you your answer. At your age, it really isn't worth it to drag your own heart through the muck with girls like this. Move on is my advice.

[Wakeup]

I'm out of ideas. I can't just leave her, I love her so much it would destroy me.

So: You'd rather wait until SHE leaves YOU and then you'll not be destroyed?

Break up with her and do it because you are 100% sure that you can do better than someone like her who values you so little that she'd cheat on you and even after you take her back she doesn't do much to show you that she really cares.

You deserve better than being "dragged through the muck" by her. Don't be afraid to be with someone who doesn't make you feel loved and angst-free.

[Xenth91]

Thanks for the advice. I guess you're right, it is best to break up with her. I'm not yet sure how or when. I'm not looking forward to it.

[IndiReloaded]

. Today she decided to go to a festival I didn't want to attend, because frankly... I'm studying for some very important exams and need all the time and concentration I can get.

Just curious. What did you expect her to do? Stay home and be bored b/c you have to study? Seems a bit unfair, don't you think?

I don't know where she's going to sleep or when she'll be back... What should I do?

Why didn't you just tell her to have a great time and ask her where you can reach her? So you could talk to her while taking a break from your studying.

If it weren't for the fact she's cheated before, I would actually say you are the one who is acting a bit controlling. Your worry is understandable tho. So, why don't you just ask her what's up? If the answer isn't satisfactory to you then just break up with her. If she dumps you first, you are going to be shredded, I think.

Do well on your exams. In the end, they are far more important than some girl who is interchangeable with many others.

[Xenth91]

@IndiReloaded No I don't want her to stay at home and be bored, but I don't want her to make me feel guilty and get angry at me because I can't go with her at this moment due to the lack of time.

And yes, I'm probably a bit controlling, I didn't before she cheated on me. But things changed back then, I don't seem to be able to get rid of that. As long as I trust someone I'm not controlling at all.

Anyway. To end my story. I was right. She has been cheating on me in the past few weeks. I broke up with her. She has been crying ever since. I'll probably forgive her. I'll never forget. And I doubt I'll ever take her back.

I might need some different advice now. How to cope with a breakup. :'(

[Anonymous29]

Seems to me like she only wants you around when it's convenient for her. That's not what a relationship should be about.
I would have to agree with everyone on you parting ways. There's no saying what she's doing or who's shes doing it with especially seeing as how you cant trust her as you say.
Sometimes it's better to split up now then to let her think she's getting away with something and you getting hurt even more then you already have.