Advice needed

[confusedandsad]

Hi guys
6 months ago, my partner of 5 years and mother of my child left me for another man and life. We were not married. I dated a 28 year old solicitor a month or so after and it was a nice casual thing with not too much pressure. So was attractive and very very tall in heels, almost the same height as me and I am 6ft 5. Physically I did not click with her but she was at the right stage of life and wanted the same things as me. We failed to see each other for a while due to hectic work and family lives at the time. One day she messaged me on Facebook and suggested that we go our own separate ways. So we did.

A week or so later, I met a 22 year old who has a child that goes to my son's nursery. I am nearly 31. We saw eachother for a couple of months but it became clear that we were at different stages of life and shared contrasting views on entertainment such as clubbing etc. I am very much ready to settle down but she wants to, quite rightly live her youth. Yesterday we split up and she was devastated, and doesn't want to keep in touch or let our boys play together. I can't stop thinking about her. She was so cute and affectionate. I just wish she was at the stage of the solicitor, who, wants to meet up with me again...

I am in such a mess, I can't think straight and feel torn. Please help!

[searock]

Try not to think about her anymore. If it's meant to be you'll meet again when you are both at the same place in life. Move on, date other girls if you feel like it - but keep in mind that you don't need a relationship in order to have a satisfying life.

[Andariel]

I think you made the right choice by breaking up with her. You are 31 and you are mature enough to know what you want out of life.

She is just 22 and even though she has a child it does not mean she is mature enough to be in a place in her life where she wants to settle down. I think her immaturity shows just by the fact she won't let her child play with yours anymore just because you broke up. Your children have apparently bonded with each other and it is a shame to separate them but I guess she is not mature enough to realise that when you have children you need to put their best interests before your own selfish needs.

At 31 you know your likes and dislikes and if you are looking for a long-term partner then you are right to focus on things such as mutual interests and activities. Physical attraction can mask curcial differences and viewpoints on life at first but they will eventually come back with a vengeance. I think you acted as a mature man who knows where he is at in his life and is able to distinguish lust from love.In this sense, you are on the right track of finding a life partner who you will be able to share your life and interests with. Keep looking, the right woman ifor you is out there and you will find her eventually! :-)