Ex tells me he loves me and then ignores me for days...?

[lexxy821]

My ex broke up with me almost 2 months ago (we were in a very intense 18 month relationship). Since then i have pretty much begged to maintain a friendship with him and at first he resisted but then finally agreed on having some type of friendship with me. However, he tends to be real nice to me one day and have a great time with me when we hang out but then he completely ignores me for days after that. Yesterday he told me he loves me and always misses me and that he will see me after his weekend trip with his friends but yesterday after texting him hello he never responded. I text him last night and told him that if he's busy and doesn't want me to text I could just leave him alone... NO response... i'm getting ignored again. Why does he keep doing this to me?

[carl1222]

He's a reluctant friend at best. Have you resumed a sexual relationship when you hang out? If so ... it might explain his hot/cold response to you as he may see you more as a booty call when he's horny.

[lexxy821]

@ Carl:
we have had sex occasionally but it isnt something that happens every time we hang out.
He also never makes it about sex. We go out and have a great time when we are together... I dont understand the hot and cold thing... Every time we hang out it seems we get a little closer to one another... hes even ended up calling me and telling me he misses me... however, when he's with friends, all that seems to turn off.... I dont get it...

[smackie9]

I'm curious, how old are you two, and what was the cause of the break up?

[lexxy821]

@ Smackie:
We're not young kids. We are both 28...
As of today I dont really know what the real reason for the break up was. He just had issues with me not doing things the way he would want me to do them (this pertains to everything.. from how I walk, talk, behave around people, the decisions I make, etc...)
We were in a very intense relationship where i have been there for him like nobody else has (This I have been told by him, his family, and his friends) and Ive gone through a lot of ups and downs with him. However, his best friend was released from prison (after 8yrs) and ever since he has been hanging out with him again its almost like hes changed into a different person. He only acts like the man I remember when we are alone... when his friends are around he seems to put on a different face.. Its really hard to understand. He still calls me and tells me he misses me and such but its only when he's not with his best friend...

[smackie9]

I've heard this all before hun. It's no different when a best friend is single again and they start hanging out drinking and crap. You need to open your eyes. You don't need to be with a guy that manipulates you, cuts you down like that, belittles you, and makes you feel bad. Stop trying to fix him. There isn't anything you can do to change him.....he has made his choice to be a jerk and you deserve to be treated with respect for which he has not done. You need to have some self worth and realize you need to find someone who will return the respect, love and compassion that you have. Walk away, you are wasting your time with this one. You are 28 years old, stop playing around with losers.

[lexxy821]

Thanks a lot smackie9, it helps to hear this from a guy. Makes me feel like Im not just doing the girl thing (yeah, im honest enough to admit it) and over reacting or over analyzing the situation.
I tried my best to be a caring and supporting friend but it really isn't fair to me. He knows that I would have his back at the drop of a dime but it seems that Im just someone he will get to when he gets to it.. you know what I mean?
Im someone he can only show his feelings for when he isnt around anyone else and finds himself alone.. I guess its because he knows I have always been there. Maybe I need to just NOT be there anymore....

[smackie9]

Sorry to disappoint you but I'm a 47 year old woman.....just a bit of a tomboy I guess. I know what love can do to your decision making.....but sometimes it's just best to walk away when there is no improvement in the situation. I just hate seeing people waste their time with it.

[bloodtippedrose]

I thought smackie was a guy too a long time ago. Its the beer avvy.

[smackie9]

Hey us Canadian girls are a hearty bunch.....what can I say, most of us like our beer and hockey. Maybe a few lumberjacks too lol! And yes I wear plaid. My purse is plaid too.

[bloodtippedrose]

Yeah you're not helping the canadian stereotype. ;P actually theres a reason its probably a stereotype, carry-on

[lexxy821]

oh sorry smackie!!! yeah it def is the beer lol. I apologize for my comment, the advice was great though! Thanks for that

[smackie9]

Oh I dont mind......

[smackie9]

Yeah you're not helping the canadian stereotype. ;P actually theres a reason its probably a stereotype, carry-on

Its because all of it is true!

[NeoSam]

i can never understand how people can be friends and hang out with their ex? why do you even need such a friendship?

you go out/hang out/have sex? sound like your still together, or maybe ive gone mad....

you say "first he resisted but then finally agreed on having some type of friendship with me" obviously he didn't want to be friends, but you forced him into it, maybe its all too much for him, you know... seeing you, having sex... then he gets mixed feelings and tells you he loves you then disappears OR maybe he's just using you for ****

god know whats going on