He said he can't give me a relationship , what should I do ?

[Joyk]

I met this guy a month or so ago , I fancied him for a while before we actually met , he works in a shop I'm going quite often , I had to do some detective work to get his phone number , we started Txting and he seemed a bit weird . He didn't seem interested so I let it go after a few days and stopped contacting him . And then he started being different , he introduced himself told me a bit about himself and I was hooked again. He works really long hours so we managed to meet on his lunch break and had lunch together . I was smitten , he was lovely , a gentleman , smart and down to earth. We kissed at the end and I felt butterflies . Straight after he asked me what was my impression of him , told him it's all good he said he thinks I'm amazing blah blah . Then everything changed , he wasnt even bothering to text back , so I was getting frustrated . We talked on the phone and he explained that he has a lot going on and he wants to be with me but it's not the right time . I believed him and I tried to stay positive. Next time we met was even better , he took me to a nice quiet pub , showed me pictures of his family , drove me to the train station , on the way at every stoplight he was leaning in to kiss me , sang to me .. And then cold again , got me really confused . Whenever I knew he had time I tried to meet him but somehow he had something else to do . Finally we met again , I was on break from work for 3 hours. He was off , he said we can meet but he has a few things to do , we met I asked what he had to do he said a presentation for work and asked me if I minded going to his place help him with it , I smiled and I said yes . He looked at me and said I really have to do that so promise you'll be a good girl , I said yes I promise . We got there he showed me around , got me a drink and got started with the presentation. I had someting else in my mind . I started teasing him , and he was still triyng to concentrate on the project , well at some point he gave in and took me in his arms carried me upstairs in his bedroom . I had the best sex ever , and it seemed that he enjoyed too , he kept saying I'm perfect . I couldn't walk properly afterwards let alone go back to work , but I had to , he drove me back and again cold .when I tell him I'm confused or I'm upset he usually explains why he's been like that and now he doesn't even bother, before he said he wants all the things I want I just need to be patient , now he can't give me a relationship , we had a few fights , he told me it's not going to work , I humiliated myself n said Im happy with whatever he can give me.the only thing that made me say that was that I never ever felt that passion with anyone else , when we r together I feel like he wants me more than anything , the minute i leave he's a completely different person. Confused ?

[Wakeup]

Stay away from him unless you want to be his booty call who he will only call when he wants sex. He treats you like shit in between trying to and then finally seducing you into his bed. You are another woman who thinks that sex will lead you to a relationship. Men don't think like you so if you don't want your heart broken then don't return his calls. You will be addicted to the sex in no time and then he will break your heart when he disappears again.

Don't be foolish. You are totally incapable of keeping this strickly sex. Don't text or call him again and if he contacts you tell him that you're not available. You were very easy. Do you even know his last name? You chased him when he wasn't showing you any interest in chasing you back.. don't do that anymore. Grab your dignity, don't embarass yourself any further by lowering yourself to beg for this "passion." this man will make you lose your joy.

[Joyk]

I have been on a similar situation before , but i knew i was just a booty call , with this guy i feel something really strong , and I know he`s not a bad person , he has a lot on his mind right now , and he explained that to me , plus he can`t really open up cuz he had his heart broken really badly before , was engaged to a girl , and she left him for someone else , richer. so he`s concentrating on making money at the moment , and he told me he has nothing to offer thats why he doesnt to get too involved .... i know you might be right and i appreciate what you said but i honestly feel there`s something more to this ... i`m supposed to meet him tomorrow..x and yeah i am incapable to keep it just at this and i am hoping things will change ...

[Wakeup]

You're foolish. But, that won't stop you. There is a "Broken Hearts" forum here that you can visit when it finally dawns on you that he considers you booty and you confuse "passion' for feelings of love.

"Don't Mistake My Lust For Love" Is an old 80's song by Images In Vogue. It came to mind when i read your story.

YOU feel there is something more to this. I'm doubting strongly that he feels the same though. He's practically shouted it out to you without actually using the words that he'll do you, but don't expect a relationship from him.

I humiliated myself n said Im happy with whatever he can give me.

No you're not! Why on earth would you say it? Smarten up and learn to be booty if that's what you put yourself out to be. You are acting like booty when you want the whole thing. Quit selling yourself short.

[Cerby]

I read the original post and first thing I thought was "This guy has a girlfriend".

[Joyk]

He doesn't have a girlfriend , I met him through his work , he works 13,14 hours a day in a shop , and 2 days a week another 3,4 hours for a company , he took me at his mum house , at his place , of he had a girlfriend that would be dangerous , he has to leave this country in 18 months , for a year or so , and he asked me to come with him.. I think he's just really scared ..

[Joyk]

Wakeup you're such a nice person , I have never thought I'd do this , but here I am
, trying my best to make him feel the same , I'm actually pretty I get a lot of attention from men , so I don't know why I'm stuck on this one , I'll talk to him today properly and if things won't change I'll try and forget about him ..

[Andariel]

WakeUp is right. He is not treating you like a man who is in love but rather as a man who has found a woman who is willing to hang around for as long as it takes until he decides to consider you as a girlfriend when in reality all he wants is sex and nothing more. The 'help mw with the presentation' line was such an obvious excuse to get you to go to his place so that you can have sex and if you were looking for a relationship you ought to have had the relationship discussion before going to bed with him.

He is just using you now, especially since you told him you will be happy with whatever he is willing to give you...Would you be happy though?I doubt it because you have feelings for this guy and the more time you spend with him, the more attached you are going to be come and the more heart broken when (not if) he gets bored and finds someone else to have sex with or a girl that he actually wants to be in a relationship with (this is not you, I am sorry).

Cut your loses and let this guy go. He is not good for/to you.

[bulrush]

First, I'm a guy.

I humiliated myself n said Im happy with whatever he can give me.

Stop. You didn't humiliate yourself, you simply blurted out something before thinking it through.

the only thing that made me say that was that I never ever felt that passion with anyone else , when we r together I feel like he wants me more than anything , the minute i leave he's a completely different person.

You'll find this passion with someone else again. It might take 10 years, but you'll find it. I've had this intense passion several times in my life, but it is rare. And it wasn't a booty call either, we ended up really liking each other in all the cases. In fact, with my current gf, we had such great chemistry when we first met, I really had to ask her "If we didn't have sex, would you still like me?" She said yes. We are very happy with each other.

This guy cannot give you what you want. Be patient and keep looking. You have a long life ahead of you. I'm in my early 40s and just restarting my love life.

[Joyk]

You are all right .. I knew it was wrong all along but did it anyway .. we had a conversation before i slept with him about where we`re going , what i want what he wants , he was telling me I`m a messed up guy right now but don`t be surprised if I show up at your door with flowers sometimes , I`m really romantic , i want all the things you want , just not now. after i slept with him it changed, i was a bit clingy i admit , texting him most of the time , but that`s what you do when you care. yesterday i asked him whats the plan , having talked about meeting up the day before. He replied " washin , around 2/3 gonna be at the bank , and gym l8r with a friend." i hate the way he writes , my first language its not english but i`m trying my best to learn every day , his is and he doesn`t do justice to it. anyway i was a bit perplexed so i played along saying so around what time you want to meet up ? he replied gnna b at my place till 3. I got really pissed off i called him and told him he can`t expect me to do everything he wants blah blah ended with a another time then and hang up. 30 mins later he called me , i answered he said i was joking babe i really want to see you . i said i have a few things to do so maybe later. he said ok see you later then. after 10 minutes he texted me saying "Im makein a mistake.we shld not see each other.I`m sorry" by this time i was already on my way to his house which is quite far by the way and had to pay quite a lot for the cab fare but never mind.on the way there i asked him where he was he said at home. i showed up there told him i want to talk, he said yes let`s.Went inside , couldn`t really talk as i was quite angry at myself , and then started to tell him everything i had on my mind . He listened and then told me he doesn`t want to hurt me , he likes me but can`t be emotionally there for me . So if I want to hang around my choice but he wants me to be happy . Ended up having sex , i said to myself it would be a proper good bye , and then he started being very affectionate. we played on his Ipad , kept him company while he was doing house chores , felt just right. Then his housemate came , asked him if he was on the phone he said no , the guy then said rather surprised who you with then which shouldn`t be such a surprise as i was the only girl coming there as far i as i knew ( he was planning to give me keys ) . that rang a bell. I asked him are you seeing anybody else ? he said unfortunately no . i was disgusted but didn`t want to show him how much it hurt. he then went downstairs to ask that guy something , and left his phone in the room. on our second date he gave me his password and he said he hasnt got anything to hide. i chose not to do the same , not because i had something to hide but i just didnt feel it was right. so me with his phone alone in a room you can guess what happened. I went through his texts . i instantly felt sick , couldn`t stop shaking . He had plans to meet a prostitute , pay her , and her cab back home as she requested , and who was quite surprised that he liked her "as i`m not that pretty" . he was telling her she shouldn`t say that blah blah and then said i want the whole thing , dinner drinks and then good sex. i saw texts from his ex as well , and understood what i put myself into. I just went downstairs told him to drop at the closes train station because i can`t bear another second in that house. he asked me what`s wrong . didnt wanna tell him what i did as it wasnt the nicest thing but i had to , so i told him the prostitute called.he went on telling me that doesn`t mean anything she`s the sluttiest person he knows, he had nothing to do with her , and that he`s working for a escort agency and she was an employee and left the company and they need her and the boss told him to get her to his house blah blah .. i might be almost in love with him , i can wait , i can understand him being busy and not stable , but i cant bear someone who lies. so i told him to **** off and deleted his number. I miss him like hell already , but i know i`m worth more than this. And i will find the right person when the time is right.

[Wakeup]

so i told him to **** off and deleted his number. I miss him like hell already , but i know i`m worth more than this. And i will find the right person when the time is right.

Thank God... I was getting scared there for a minute that you were going to be this guys warm wet place to masturbate while you continued to pine for him while he treated you like shit.

Good for you for getting away. With no contact, you will soon forget the only thing you two had in common which was sex. Go for the whole package next time and don't sell yourself short. You should be proud of yourself that you have enough respect for yourself not to hang around for the emotional abuse he would have inflicted on you because he did try to tell you that all he could give you was a good lay... but you were going to ignore that and continue on so I'm glad you snooped. It was for the better good of you that you did.

I don't even know you and I know you deserve better than the treatment he would give you.

Onto better and brighter...

[smackie9]

"He said he can't give me a relationship , what should I do ? " isn't it quite obvious?

Just because he makes you all goo, doesn't mean he's going to change his mind about it. It's a time waster hoping, he will. His message is loud and clear..."You are OK to have sex with but I don't feel a connection or you are not hot enough to be my GF."

[Joyk]

I`d like to think I am hot , I am happy with the way I look , I can pull almost any guy i want , it wasn`t that i wasnt hot enough , he`s mentally unstable , he said at some point that he`s gay so I`m perfectly fine , he`s ****ed up . He can`t have a girlfriend he`s too much into his work . and i don`t know what girl could actually put up with his behaviour. His ex to whom he was engaged clearly knew better when she left him . His loss wakeup i think i love you lol

[smackie9]

I said OR you are not hot enough in HIS opinion.

[Cristian Luca]

The first time he wasn't interested in you but he noticed that you are interested in him.

He then thought for a moment : "hmm this girl likes me, let me play my game and bang this chick". So he did.

He was playing hot-cold games to get your engines messed up because lets face it, attraction is like a roller-coaster. On the same principle, you have the best sex after a fight or after a woman cries. A woman get totally wet when she cries or gets angry. That's when you have great sex.

So, once he got what he wanted he just left.

He was using you for sex but you are not a victim since you wanted that to happen. You felt great and so did he. Don't force a relationship if he doesn't seem to respond to you the way you want.

You need to learn to move on cause he ain't coming back the way you want him to, unless you want him to use you for sex again.