A lil friendly advice?

[bshearer]

Hi everyone! Im new to the forum. I never thought i would find myself here, but it doesnt hurt to try something new. Im 22 yrs old, and not very experienced with relationships. Here is my situation. Theres this girl whom i really like and care about, and she likes me a lot too. i dont want to to say i love her yet, even though i know it is love. She is from Uzbekistan, and going through a divorce right now, i know its tough on her. We have started seeing each other for about a month and a half taking it slow, to get to know each other. Then when we talk about our relationship, i really dont have much to say, i want to be as interactive as she is, but i feel real stupid not knowing what to say next. She said she feels like she is doing everything, and im not doing nothing at all. It makes me feel dumb, and hopeless. Any advice?

[bulrush]

Talk to her about these points:
- What do you want out of the relationship?
- What type of person are you looking for?
- When will her divorce be final?
- What is your philosophy about relationships? Do you just date a random person or do you look for certain personality attributes?
- What do you like about her personality?
- What do you like about her looks? Compliment her each time you talk, but don't overdo it. One compliment per day is fine.

Now talk about your lives.
- Ask her how her work day was.
- What are her hobbies?
- What books or movies does she like?
- What entertainment does she like? Monster trucks? Wrestling? Concerts? What type of concert?
- What type of music does she like? How about you?
- What major events are going on in her country right now? In your country?

That's a start.

My gf likes the outdoors and dresses in hiking clothing a lot. I've always had a thing for that style, and she has the most beautiful blue eyes. So I mention how cute she is, and how much I like her eyes. Even if I do it every time we talk, she likes it. She is a social worker at a disability home, so she deals with patients with unusual disabilities and often has interesting stories. We both like medicine, so we talk about her patients a bit. And some patients have screwy relatives, so we might mention that (no names are mentioned).

We also talk about what we would like to do when we get together next. We might see a movie, go hiking in a new park, or just relax and read a book. Maybe do a short work out.

[devonbrown]

It is a month and a half of taking it slow and she is saying that she doesn't feel you are taking enough initiative in your conversations? This may be her way of saying that she wants you to start pushing things a little further and faster.

Don't worry about limits/restrictions you have placed on yourself. Just be yourself. If she doesn't like that, then she is not the one for you. It could be as simple as that.

Good luck.

[smackie9]

Women like the man to be the man. They want you to take the lead and make the choices on where you are going on your dates, what you will be doing, and being spontaneous. Also they want romance.....she hinting that you need to step things up a bit, maybe be a little more physical....have you even kissed yet? or slept together yet?....I dunno watch some chick movies or pick up one of those crappy romance novels for some pointers. I guess what she is saying that you need to be more assertive.

[bulrush]

Women like the man to be the man.

Some women do, some don't. It depends. I would guess that most (American) women do.

[bshearer]

Thank you for your replies. I have been getting more physical with her, hugging her, holding her, holding hands, and kissing. This isnt a sex relationship. She is muslim, and i respect that. Its helping a lot, but she told me this after i started doing it more. I do compliment her daily, a fews times. Always ask how she is, and how her day is going. Talk with her and make her laugh.

Heres a problem with going on a date with her. Since her husband cheated on her in Iraq, she is staying with her sister, and helps her take care of her kids and everything else, while her sisters husband is gone. And she cant really leave the house or go anywhere until almost 1030 at night. Its her sisters house not hers. Ive been on a date or two with her, and we have a lot of fun!!!

Ive asked her plenty of those questions, things about her and what she likes. Most of the time i get real short answers from her, it doesnt make me feel good. Its kinda like that pulling teeth feeling if any of you have had it?

[surfhb]

Some women do, some don't. It depends. I would guess that most (American) women do.

I'd say a vast majority of women want a man to take somewhat of a lead in a relationship. Lol!

[smackie9]

I dated a dude that was Mormon..... I shouldn't have wasted my time. If you are not of the same faith, things get too complicated.

[bshearer]

Your right about that! Thank you all for your advice!!