guys please help! Is it possible to get my ex boyfriend back?

[lindalinda]

Here is a brief paragraph of my situation. I want to see this in a guy's point of view.
My ex and I broke up on Sept. 01, 2011 after a year relationship. We had a huge fight during a trip right before (this is our first huge fight, we were basically ignoring each other during the trip). When we got back on Sept. 1st, he said it obviously does not work out. I tried to explain and he realized that he did not give me much attention recently. And the relationship with me was not his top priority. Then he said sorry and left.

We have not contacted each other in any way since then.

But right after we broke up, on Sept. 02, he signed up on Match.com and other online dating sites. I was very angry he moved on so I signed up those sites too. I did not contact him or look at this profile.

He is also holding on my cat and some other important stuff for me at his place. I have no idea when he is going to contact me. His apartment does not allow to have cat. I miss my cat very much but I do not want to talk to him to seem needy, which I know it will make things worse.

Looking back and think about this relationship. What I realized is that I made mistake in the relationship as well. I was trying to hard and nagging a lot in the last few months. Other than that, our relationship is quite compatible in all other aspects. We have similar interested and we enjoy similar things and have similar life goals. Therefore, I would like to give this a second chance.
Please help me, what can I do to get my cat back but also not seem to desperate.

I do not understand why he keeps my cat for so long since his apartment does not allow cats. I do not know what he is doing with my cat now. And obviously he has been looking for new women like crazy. What if he finds someone else soon? What should I say if he asks me to pick up my cat because he has moved on?

I am so upset about myself now, that is why I need your help to not make mistakes again.

Thank you very much.

[PainfulLonging]

Think about it.

[PainfulLonging]

Don't contact him. If he likes you he will come back. Don't nag him, instead say you make me feel...when you...

[lindalinda]

what if he calls me soon and ask me to pick up my cat or arrange some friends to deliver my stuff?
Should I answer the call? I have a feeling he has to call next week since he is going out of this country for 3 weeks business trip.
I donot want to see him because I will not be able to stop crying in front of him. It still hurts a lot.
If I ignores him, does that mean I will never get my cat back?
Advice please!

[Cristian Luca]

Go get your cat back woman!

and yeah ... find another man who wants to "take care of your cat".

[Devilsbane]

Sounds like he is still hanging onto the cat hoping that you come back? Or maybe he is just a major dick? Not sure. I kept an ex's passport for a year after she moved out of my place. I knew where it was but never let her know that she left it. My thinking was that if I ever wanted to get back together I could use it to try and get back into her life. A cat is a different story though...

Maybe see if he would be interested in getting a drink just to discuss some things. Not a date, just hanging out.

[lindalinda]

thank you Devilsbane. This is what I am thinking too. Still no message from him yet.

[smackie9]

Just how about going there and picking up your stuff and move on. He is on those dating sites for a reason......he is trying to forget about you. He is being a jerk about the whole thing and isn't going to lift a finger for you to call you so he can give your cat back and whatever else is there.

When you go get your stuff, if he wants to talk then fine, go for it.....if not, then it's just as well rather than having us guess all over it.

[Devilsbane]

thank you Devilsbane. This is what I am thinking too. Still no message from him yet.

No problem. He might not answer. I don't really understand people. Life would be so much easier if people just said what was really going on. My favorite line, honesty is the best policy.

[nerdy_guy]

I don't really understand the point of this post. The title says that you want your ex-bf back. but according to your explaination, you want your cat back. So which is it really?

If you want your cat back, just go over to get it, cry if you have to, leave, and never look back. Thinking about what you've done wrong like being a nagger is a defense mechanism. We all have our negatives, so you should stop thinking about it. If you kicked him right between the legs... well.... that's a whole different story and that should be something to think about.

By the way, just because he's signed up on a dating site immediately after you've broken up, doesn't mean he's moved on. In fact he might still be hurting, and he's looking for someone to fill in that hole that you've left.

[lindalinda]

I totally agree with you. My problem is that I tell people exactly what I think but obviously people like to be politically correct.

To Nerdy-guy,
The reason is that I heard the NO CONTACT rule by numerous people. I hate this BULLShit rule. But it seems that everybody should do No contact after breaking up in order to make the process easier or even getting the ex back.
But I miss my cat too....
Then there is this dilemma between NO Contact (getting ex back), and getting cat back
is this clear now?

No problem. He might not answer. I don't really understand people. Life would be so much easier if people just said what was really going on. My favorite line, honesty is the best policy.

[smackie9]

Just call him and tell him you want your cat back, pick a time to go and get the damn thing....what is the big deal?

[nerdy_guy]

What makes it a bullshit rule is exactly that reason of making the process easier... my reason is to clear your head first before deciding... you don't even know what has happened to your cat. what if he did something to it? would you still talk to him and try to get him back? That bullshit rule that you mentioned should be tempting to do. I got heartbroken once, yeah, I didn't contact her for quite some time, but that never made the "process" easier. But it gave me time to reflect some things before I decided to call and talk to her again. Eventually, we became good friends. If you keep looking back, you'll never give yourself time to think straight. You'll confine yourself to "what did I do wrong/what is the matter with him" state of mind instead of thinking more clearly before acting upon the real problem. You know, sometimes, its easier to see things more clearly if you give a little distance between yourself and him.