Should i be in a relationship with someone i shouldn't even love?

[mMidgetees]

Please readdd, i dunno what to do?

I went to Vietnam this year (came back like a week ago), and i hung out with my cousins alot and would go out everynight. Since Vietnam is like 99.9% motorbikes and not cars. That was the transport we'd use to get to places. My guy cousin who is really close would take me. My mum told me during the first week being there she asked me who was taking me.
so yeah i said him. And she didnt like that and told me I shouldn't get too close to my guy cousins because she says 'they are like your brothers'. Although i do have feelings for him, i assumed i'd be fine and wouldn't fall in love or anything, so i replied back to my mum 'i know, you don't need to worry.'
I've liked him since 2009, but thought because im from UK...not seeing him that much id get over it. But coming back i've liked him even more. Whilst being in Vietnam, when talking to him he just makes me smile all the time and makes me feel actually quite special. Two days before i was leaving to come back here, we were texting eachother at night. Obviously something built up to this question but i can't be bothered typing it - he asked 'is there anyone you like but won't tell?', i said 'why do you ask?...do you?' ...he replied 'yeah, but i cant be with that person.' so i said 'aww? how come? ;(' and he said he'd tell me the next day. So the next day i asked him about it and he said he just can't tell that person & it's hard. i was kept nagging him to tell me who it was and why he couldnt be with her which was the reason he wouldn't tell her he liked her. I found he was hinting it was me and i wasn't sure and i was completely just confused. Then he agreed it was me? I was completely shocked. I asked him 'how long have you felt this way?' he asked back 'is there anyone you like?' - like all teenagers i replied 'i asked first!'. But he said that he'd answer if i answered his first. I didn't know what to say, because i wanted to tell him i felt the same but i was scared it'd change everything. But i said i liked him too. and it turned out he also liked me since 2009. Because he is my cousin, people say its wrong its wrong. So if anyone knew, they'd probably be disgusted =/. I don't think its wrong at all tbh. But anyway, the day i had to go, he and my other cousins came to the airport to like say goodbyes. I sat next to him in the car/bus thing, and because we couldnt have certain conversations since my mum&relatives i live with don;t like me talking to him much, we had a conversation using his phone. He told me he liked me alot, i asked if he loved me and he said 'too much.'
i was really surprised that he felt the same way. But i said we couldnt be together because of the distance and our families. He said it didnt matter and seemed to not care. i asked him if he liked/loved anyone else and said no, when i said we couldnt be together, he told me 'i know you're in the uk, and you'll probably be with someone else over there because we won't see eachother for a while. If that happens i can't do anything but the more you say we can't happen it makes me want to cry. ' i said 'i do want to be with you, but if we can't - will you be able to find someone else?' he said no and he only loves me and has no interest in other girls. ....I'm scared that if we're together as a secret, we'll fall for eachother even more then won't be able to seperate. Knowing that our families will NOT accept us being together like that. I'm scared that if we can't be together, he won't love anyone else but me. Obviously if we can't happen - i want him to be happy with someone else. But it seems impossible for him. I love and care for him alot, you could say i'm in love with him. I want to be with him, but when i come back if we are, we'll love eachother more. And if it comes to the point where it's serious then obviously we'd have to tell people. When that happens, they'll say no, and we'd have to let go. But that will be so hard and at that point id be so in love. i don't have the guts to tell my family though. What do i do? since i left i talk to him everyday. The problems are that my mum will not approve and will kill me, ...i dunno about his family...and the fact he is my cousin-people will gossip over that. Plus because we are in different countries and will only see eachother every few years or months.



im going to talk to him in a few hours? :')

what do i do anyway?


xxxx

[bloodtippedrose]

Because you weren't raised together you dont really see him as family, but fact is he is family and unless you want to bring great shame to your kin and forever be known as the "inbreeder" or "one that married her cousin" I would distance myself from him.
Though because you dont see anything wrong with dating a cousin, distancing you would be like taking meat from a dog.

You know what you should do, you just don't want to hear it.

[Cerby]

Let me drive this point home to you:

HE IS YOUR COUSIN.

This is the reason it shouldn't happen, distance, countries, that doesn't matter, you are family. That is the end of it.

[angrybeaverMD]

This is UNACCEPTABLE considering he is related to you.

On the other hand, the term cousin is loosely defined in Vietnamese. Everyone and their mama can be a cousin, auntie or uncle in our culture. So how closely related are the two of you? First cousins, no F***ing way. Second cousins...legal in the US (don't know about UK), but still gross. Anything beyond that, it depends on how close both sides of the family are. For example, my maternal grandmother's half brother's grandson is still considered my cousin in Vietnamese. Which would make him my...oh I don't even know...2nd half cousins (?)...and is not considered incest in US...but still GROSS because our families are very involved in each other's lives. Have you also considered the consequences of inbreeding on any future children you and said cousin may have?