My boyfriend broke up with me. I slept with his friend. Was it wrong or what.

[Afraid_of_Karma]

Hey there fellow chaos survivors. This is my story, to some of you it may be nothing out of this world, to others its messed up.

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me over a nasty fight. We met through his "best" friend. Also my friend, who once asked me out and I said no, and so it appeared to me he moved on because he found himself a girlfriend.

Ever since the beginning of our relationship I've been the one who's supported him mostly (He's only worked 6 months total during our relationship). I am 22, he's 29. He has been my first long-term relationship, he's divorced. I moved back to Florida from Colorado, he moved back from New York to Florida also, so that we could be together. I'm trying to finish my college degree in Computer Animation, he's a high-school drop out. I have a car, I payed my own rent, I was in school, I had an OK job. He didn't have a job, he played computer games all day and well, it really bothered me that he still doesn't have a job.

I foolishly tried or thought I could change him. He wanted to settle down with me and have a family. I naively settled to the thought and his status and his situation... He's smart, incredibly persuasive, passionate, handsome, hilarious, book-worm, know-it-all, etc. Basically, when I'm with him, I just have no notion of time, I laugh my ass off and it seems to be mutual. For the most part... The other half of the time, well he was diagnosed Maniac Depressive and he sometimes gets really pessimistic and obviously depressed at everything that goes wrong in his life. He told me his ex-wife cheated on him multiple times and left him with nothing but the rabbit he gave her for Valentine's day.

I liked him because... his best friend invited him to go out with us one day and we started talking, he told me I was really fun, beautiful, smart, blah blah blah.We like the same things, books, movies, comic strips, music, comedians, huge computer games fans, console games fans, I had delayed my life goals in order to help him out of a depression hole and try to help him find a job and be happy.

Everyone I know kept on telling me to break up with him, his problems weren't mine and he has had no real job. That I deserve better and I could do better, that they would kill to have a girlfriend like me... Basically, everyone told me he is a loser... It just makes me angry with myself because I always made fun of girls who would go out with losers.

I would never talk openly about my relationship and lied to everyone about him. Every time somebody asked me about him, I would change the subject. I was embarrassed to say: "Yes, I've been giving this man, love, food, house, car, money, cigarettes, smoke and everything else." At first I demanded that he go out early in the day, catch a bus and start job hunting, he convinced me he could do it from home through the internet, I asked him to do the laundry but he insisted it was impossible for him, so I settled for him to just put it in the dryer for me so that when I got back home from work, I'd take care of it. He never picked up the room, and we're were messy as kids. So I decided that I would do a massive cleaning of our room on my days off. Eventually I got tired of telling him what to do because I felt like I was his mom. Eventually I also got tired of doing everything myself on my day off. So I gave up and started not caring. I was miserable because all my friends and co-workers asked to go out and I would always say no because I could never afford taking me AND my boyfriend. Or I was too depressed.

I stubbornly would keep on going and woke up everyday to go to work, miserable with my routine. My car was failing, I hated my job, everyone was going to school and on top of everything I can never decide what to study (changing my major or not) and low self esteem. I could not understand why I had let it go so far. Why was I lying to myself?

This lasted until a few months ago I decided to leave to another city. I sold my car for junk, gave my 2 weeks notice, cashed my vacation hours and left with my best friend to go to the school I always wanted to finish my degree in. My friend, God bless her, went to pick me up after an 8 hour in total drive and one week after I was in our new place, about to start on a clean slate, the day after my 22nd birthday... I found out I was pregnant and I also found out, I had just gotten a default on a loan.

I went back to where I was before, with my boyfriend and we were going to have a baby in April... On my 8th week of pregnancy, I had a miscarriage. And as ****ed up as it may sound... I felt physically and mentally relieved... He was devastated and I felt guilty but shit happens and I we had to move on. A few days later, either because I was still having a hormone world war going on in my body/ and he acts like a 5 year old ( not that I'm the most mature person in the world) but we had a nasty fight and said hurtful things to each other, he told me I was an ungrateful bitch, incapable of having children and he threw me out of him mom's house. In which nobody has a job... The only one with a job and a car for all of this time, had been me.

Anyway, after all that I've felt I've done for him and his family I raged like I had never done before and started ripping apart a special 2009 calendar I gave him and an unopened comic book strip poster gift. He got so upset that he started calling everyone in the house and started calling people through my phone to tell everyone how I was breaking his shit and what horrible person I am. When I never complained about him to anyone because I was well, embarrassed or kicked him out of my place when we were living there. It was always me who packed my stuff because... I was that stupid ok? So I grabbed whatever fit in my donated car and leave everything else by the dumpster.

I was infuriated and so I went to vent to my friend's house (his "Best Friend"). He told me he was sorry he had ever introduced my boyfriend to me and that he had transferred his best friend title to someone else a long time ago because my boyfriend has not been there for him when he needed it, disappeared long periods of time before he met me, and told me he had not changed in the 15 years he has known him. He told me he had a crush on me throughout the whole time my boyfriend and I had gone out together and he invited me to a bottle of Jack Daniels into his room. So I guess, I wanted to feel special and I wanted attention and I wanted my relationship to be over permanently and so I was clearly aware of what I did. And did not feel bad about it because, well my boyfriend kicked me out, called me everything in the book and dumped me. I felt I deserved some sort of credit, even if I had been the most stupid girl alive, I had thought I was doing something good.

We agreed on not telling anyone but he was so shocked and amazed that he had fulfilled his sexual fantasies with me that he told his new best friend about it the next day. I still didn't feel guilty and so I went out with him and slept with him a second time.
Meanwhile my boyfriend had been leaving me nasty voice mails about how much of a bitch I was for not apologizing to him and telling him not to go calling him or begging him for forgiveness. I never did such thing. The moment he asked me to leave him alone, that's exactly what I did. He then told me a few days ago his grand-mother died. I know how horrible that feels and even though I didn't call him the day he informed me, I did go today to his house to say that I was sorry for his loss and took white roses for his grand-mother, whom I had the pleasure to meet and treated me so awesome...

After an hour of talking we started talking about ourselves. I cannot help but be honest. I cannot lie for some things in my life. I told him I did something I felt guilty about. He asked me if I slept with one of his friends and I quickly said: "No, but I did sleep with someone else" He got upset at first... Just like I would have done, but he let go when I reminded him of what he said and how he broke up with me. He said he loves me too much to lose me. He didn't even want to talk about it and it seemed to me that he was willing to swallow the bitter taste of the news and the picture in his mind of me with another guy as long as he can keep me forever. Every time I had tried to break up with him before and leave, he would always beg me to stay and blame it all on him and his problems and convince me that everything was going to be OK and as long as we were happy with each other, no one else matters... So I guess I love him too much too because I felt so relieved for him to have "forgiven" me that and so...I slept with him again... and had an amazing time... again... I HATE that I missed him so much that I had a fantastic time.

My question to you is.. should I tell him now that I slept with his friend, when BOTH of them have mentioned that their friendship has decayed over the years and they mutually felt as if they were no longer best friends, just because something in me tells me he deserves to know. Or am I completely insane and out of my mind and totally bananas for even considering to go out with my ex-boyfriend again...?

I am terribly confused, vilified, worthless guilty, lame, miserable and stupid. But I just want to know from you stranger... what your opinion of my story is... Because I have no effing clue of what to do next. What would you do, if you were me? Will Karma bite me really hard?

Thank you so much for reading all of this until my last words... Thank you.

[searock]

Are you sure you want to get back with your ex boyfriend? I think it's just the guilt talking.

[bulrush]

Regarding the miscarriage:

And as ****ed up as it may sound... I felt physically and mentally relieved...

Not messed up really. A baby is a HUGE responsibility, especially financially. If you are not ready, you should not have kids, especially if you cannot afford them. Diapers, food and consumables will run about $400 per month, daycare about $500 per month if you can find a good deal. Can you afford another $900 per month?

Anyway, it seems to me, you slept with guy #2 because you were hurt and needed comforting. You can't just do this because you will lose your current bf. In this case, that's a good thing. The other thing I see is you are too weak to kick out your current bi-polar boyfriend and you were looking for an excuse for him to leave on his own. He won't leave because he cannot take care of himself (based on what I read here). He doesn't even have a HS degree and you have a college degree? You two will see things differently on many topics just because of this. It's better if you find someone with the same education level as you. Trust me, I've dated people with different (lower) education than me and we often do not see things the same way. For example, they see credit card debt as a natural part of life, and I pay off my CCs every month in full. And, it's REALLY important for me to do that. I don't buy stuff if I don't have the cash to pay off the CC.

And now you know, no matter how much you love him, he still won't change if he doesn't want to, and love don't pay the bills.

You: Hi Mastercard? I'd like to pay my balance with love this month.
Mastercard: brbl grbl blable blah
You: What?? You don't accept love as payment? But the songs all say love makes it all right!

You two are too different. You really should find someone else with an education closer to yours, and who sees the same way as far as finances goes, kids, and other important things.

[asdfg789]

you did the right thing leaving your useless boyfriend.

but i'm not sure his ex-best friend is someone you want to hang around with either. inviting you to his room for a drink when you were obviously very vulnerable makes him a questionable character. and you are clearly not in a right frame of mind for a new relationship yet.

just my 0.02

[leoben]

Are you sure you want to get back with your ex boyfriend? I think it's just the guilt talking.

I think she just wants to burn him after everything he did, and oh did she pick the perfect way to go about it.

Telling your ex will just create an extra heap of drama for you, so just don't. Take solace in the fact that right now your emotional friend is probably blabbing to everyone who will listen that he banged you, and word about stuff like that gets around so all his still good friends will hear about it. Isn't that social embarrassment enough punishment?

And yes, Karma will come to get you. Sleeping with close friends (even when they aren't that close anymore) is wrong. The right thing to do would have been to break up when you realized the relationship was that horrible rather then waiting until he broke up with you.

[Wakeup]

He didn't have a job, he played computer games all day

Does he have a pasty complexion?

Anyway, this relationship is ridiculous and codependent and abusive and you are addicted to a bi-polar loser so why did you go back to him just because you were pregnant? Get away from him, go get yourself some advice about yourself and your low sense of self-worth from your school councelor and finish your degree without this man stagnating you and keeping you dysfunctional at best.

I too am glad you mis-carried because the world does not need yet another child being brought up in a household filled with arguing, dysfunction and by two parents who don't even love one another but stick around because they're too dumb and scared to be alone for five minutes.

Be the best you that you can be because you only have one shot in this world and what you're in now is not pretty, it's not healthy and it's sad. You enable him to be a lesser man when you stay and let him sponge off of you and treat you like shit.

[Afraid_of_Karma]

Yes, I felt I wasn't prepared to have a baby and much less himself. I was worried sick everyday, I felt like shit because of morning sickness and all the other symptoms and well, he was overjoyed with the fact that he was going to be a father but still didn't seem eager to find a job. So I sometimes feel that I was so stressed out that I lost the baby. It was just not meant to be. I had lost my job, he had no job. Well, you know the rest.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me and I think you are absolutely right about education levels. People with no high school diploma tend to think that certifications and degrees are just pieces of paper that say someone went to school and therefore have no meaning. Well, I want to be that person with that paper, I want to be a professional in whatever I choose to do, but I want to have the ability to earn more than what I earn now.

I love your Mastercard example, it made me laugh. Again, thank you so much for your time and replying and making me feel better. Blessings!

[Afraid_of_Karma]

Thank you for your time and replying. After the whole thing happened with his best friend I was just in shock of everything he informed me about his feelings towards my boyfriend. He was pretty much jealous this whole entire time and... I was OK with it at the moment. I am not planning on having any relationships with anyone anytime soon, you're correct in that. Again, thank you for your 0.02.

[Afraid_of_Karma]

Hi there, thank you for your time and replying... and yes he does look like a vampire. I went back to his place because not only was I pregnant and recently defaulted on a loan but I had nowhere else to go. Now I'm with my mother, God bless her, but back then I was just on the verge of jumping of a bridge (not literally...) and I didn't know better. About the miscarriage, yes it was just not meant to be and I am glad a baby did not have to go through what would have been hell for them. Again, thank you for your honest reply and time, very much appreciated!

[Wakeup]

and yes he does look like a vampire.

That made me smile.

Glad to hear you're with your mother. Finish your degree and forget everthing except the lesson. Don't go back to either of them.. Don't you want better that that? One is too inept to even get a job (or a tan) and the other took advantage of your vulnerabilty.

cheers.

[IndiReloaded]

You dodged a bullet. Lesson learned, right? There are dirt-grubbers who are more than happy to drag you down with them.

Leave the lot of them behind you and move on to an awesome life. This includes the 'friend'. They all suck and you deserve better. Find someone you can respect.