Need some female insight. Am I upset for nothing?

[ZGavin]

Ok .. I know guys and gals look and think things a lot differently.
Hints the title so here it goes.

I have been with this girl now for 4 months and friends/dating for a few months before that.
Her x boyfriend is a serious jerk and despite the fact that he's got a new girlfriend and knows she's got a new boyfriend ie me .. he still contacts her 5 times a day via text about the stupidest crap like " wheres the ketchup, i cant find it" and calls her at least once a day. She assures me it strictly business as there trying to separate the house and its belongings and that she doesn't want to be mean to him for fear that hes going to drag the settlement process out longer. I have let that go as the house is finally sold thank god and now I don't have to worry about him contacting her any more. Or so she says anyways. She said she would change her phone number after the paper went through but that has yet to be done.

But now a new issue has come up. She came crying to me one morning about how there was a death in the family. I felt really bad for her and was thinking of ways to help. The funeral was in a different city and I didn't want her driving in that state of mind so I told her I would take some time off work and drive her there, pay for a motel and hangout downtown while she was at the service, then we could drive back the next day. She refused and said it was something she wanted to do on her own. I was puzzled by her reaction and a sudden gut pain kicked in that something was wrong with the situation but choose to leave it for the time being. After days of dropping hints that I was curious and finally....... a pretty big fight, she admitted it was a funeral for her x boyfriends uncle and it really wasn't a big deal. She was close to his uncle and family and wanted to pay her respects.

Here's what I have a problem with. If it wasn't such a big deal why wouldn't she tell me about it when she found out? Why does she not want me there, not necessarily at the service, but even in the same city? I asked but all she has to tell me is she was still in shock and didn't know how to bring it up to me. It makes me suspicious not that she's actually going to a funeral but why she didn't tell me in the first place. It now makes me suspicious of almost everything she has told me from the first day we started dating about the state of her past relationship and it truly being over mentally and emotionally. Shes there right now and it is really bothering me to think she's there with him and his family. Do I have the right to be suspicious or upset with this situation? I though that part of her life was over so why is she there as a family member morning a family loss? Funerals are for the living, why does she have to go to the service? Why not just go on her own time? I'm super bothered by this but I don't know if I have a right to be or not?

Any thoughts?

[MerryH]

You're right to be bothered that she lied to you, of course. You're also right to be bothered by the constant texting. But I don't think you should be upset that she went to a funeral and didn't want you to take her there. That's understandable.

Don't be suspicious yet. When she gets back, calmly have a talk with her about what you consider appropriate contact with her ex, specifically changing her phone number like she said she was going to. Also ask about the trip, and why she was deceptive about it in the first place. Get some answers, consider whether you can accept them, then go from there. But don't go into thinking that she's a lying, cheating whore, or whatever, because you have no proof of that yet.

[vashti]

Yeah, I think your concerns are justified. There is no reason she should have avoided the funeral, but there was also no reason you shouldn't have driven her, unless you tend to be overly controlling and she needed a break.

[ZGavin]

unless you tend to be overly controlling and she needed a break.

Not at all. Im very comfortable with her hanging out with her Male friends and encourage it. With the exception of one or two. Guys that know were dating but still feel the need to try and push them selves on her when im not around. They make me feel insecure which is odd because im not normally an insecure or jealous person.

Just to update you on the situation. Oddly enough as I was typing my last message her phone pocked dialed me to tune me in to a convo her
and her X were having at the funeral about how odd people at the service thought they were still a couple. I choked when I herd it.
After about 5 mins she realized her phone was on and instant panic seemed to have set in when she realized i was on the other end.

I almost broke up with her but hung up and turned off my phone for 20 mins so I could rationalize everything before I spoke.
I wished her a safe return and left it at that.

When we got home ... It seemed we both couldn't hold back emotion and had a scrap from hell. Nothing physical but defiantly some choice words.

She basically told me she had every right to go and I had no right to be upset about it and we left it at that because I hate "talking to wall syndrome"

Things have somewhat returned to normal. But for some reason anytime shes on her phone, texting, on facebook what ever...
there's always that little voice in the back of my head second guessing her trust ability and I feel that unless I can get over it ( by it, i mean everything)
and are able to trust her again, I feel this relationship is doomed to failure