FWB for 9 months now and I lately want to stop PLS advice thank you

[confusedbelle3]

hi
i started a FWB with a nice guy 9 months ago, we had been friends for 3 months before that. we were both just out of serious relationships and for the first few months it was fun and easy and a nice change. He has always treated me well as well. He was not exclusive, and for me i had the right to sleep with others but never did. after about 4 or 5 months in we started to get more romantic with each other. He would hold my hand when we were out, he started introducing me to his friends slowly and me mine. he started texting goodnight, sweet dreams i miss you etc. then we also started to do things that were not just sex, like the theatre, a meal out, shopping, walk in the park etc etc. now we also kiss a lot when out kissing that doesnt lead to sex etc. I have a feeling that after around 5 months of FWB he started to feel more for me. I grew also to like him a lot and think about him a lot.

now here is all the problem bit lolllll:
there is an age gap, a language barrier, he smokes pot and drinks, i dont think he wants exclusive with me, i have a child (this is a big one) i dont think he ultimately wants a relationship with a woman with a child (he split up with his girlfriend of 3 years because she wanted a baby for example) the language thing is one of the reasons i dont want him as a boyfriend (he doesnt speak english and i am fairly fluent in his language but not completely by any means)

so we are in this weird thing in that i think we have both even fallen for each other. recently i am wondering about the fact of exclusivity. there are several nights a week that he goes out to bars concerts etc that i am not with him, because of my kid i am only free around one night a week. i asked him if he still sleeps with other woman ages ago, after about 3 months, and he said 'honestly, yes, but you the only one i am having feelings for'

i have thought sometimes about bringing up that he still is 'free' and that it makes me feel insecure, about how sometimes when we are out that he calls me his friend etc but it is SO confusing because for me i do not want him as a boyfriend!!! although i have pretty much fallen for him :-( i think he has pretty serious feelings for me now, i know that if i said lets stop what we have he would be very upset and would miss me as a person not just miss the FWB. for example the last time we hung out it was just to kiss and grab some dinner not to have sex, and he told me a few times afterwards that he loved spending that evening with me etc.

i think if he was asked why he doesnt want me as a girlfriend he would say the language problem and my kid is an issue, plus the fact that i dont want to be. i said twice to him about 6 months in that i dont want to be his GF and he remembers this well.

CONFUSED to say the least - we are both practically in love with each other but dont want to have each other because of things that were the reasons from the start, age, language, etc etc.

what to do. lately have had a couple of thoughts of how nice it would be to be in a loving relationship with someone that was always at my house playing with my kid me making dinner, just real couple not just this fantasy.

9 months is a really long time for a FWB. And he is and isnt using me, in that i think he loves me (a mutual friend thinks he is in love with me too) anyone with any advice please shed some light :-))))) thank you so much for reading sorry it was so long, i was trying to include everything i thought might be relevant XX

[James Banes]

You can still love someone but not want to be in a relationship with them. There's nothing wrong with that. I love my gf but after what she did to me I cannot be in a serious relationship with her. Although I'll love her forever.

I love my parents, but living in the same roof with them would drive me crazy.

Love this man if you want to. Don't be with him if it makes you unhappy.

[Mathias]

If you don't want to be with him, don't be. It's really that simple.

[confusedbelle3]

thank you for answering. i sent him a note just now and am waiting for a response. was a bit scared to say everything just yet so just said
i find it difficult he is still open to see other women after 8, 9 months. (he know there are no other men on my end) and that i am having trouble
with our relationship recently and that fact that we are still only sleeping together after that many months.

i am scared to have a conversation about my kid, the language etc. not sure why. think it is hard for me to admit to him essentially i dont want him.
and i imagine it will be hard for him to admit essentially he doesnt want me. in my experience guys tend to wait for the woman to do that stuff
doesnt come easy to then to be honest that they wouldnt want me for a serious girlfriend

[Wakeup]

CONFUSED to say the least - we are both practically in love with each other but dont want to have each other because of things that were the reasons from the start, age, language, etc etc.

One thing you know for sure is your own feelings, you can only guess at his by how he treats you and through his loving actions. Sexing you is not showing you he loves you if all he gives you is sex.

This is very simple.
You either talk to him and tell him you want to live with him and you be traditional bf/gf if he agrees. You live happily ever after (hopefully)
If he doesn't agree you break up with him or decide that your fine to continue on settling for what he will give you or,
You break up with him because of the language barrier and him not wanting the responsibility of children.

It will be easier for you to choose if you discount your sexual relations and weight the pros and cons of your actuall personal interactions only.

[devonbrown]

I agree with Wakeup here. You said

we are both practically in love with each other

and made a few other comments like that. But the thing is that you only know how you feel. You don't really know how he feels and he hasn't told you that he is in love with you or anything like that.

Bottom line is that you have to talk to him if you want things to change. As uncomfortable as it may be, you have to have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him about your concerns. Listen to his concerns and how he feels. And then you two can determine if you want to be together in a committed relationship or go your separate ways.

Good luck.