Difficult relationship advice

[dario4]

Hi all - Please provide comments and thoughts.

I am in a new relationship (5 months in) but my girlfriend came out of an important one before me (6 years) and it's sometimes difficult for us. Essentially, the problem is that I adore her completely, but at times she doesn't think the same of me. Love, and the disparity of it, is a common theme of our discussions. She acknowledges that I love her completely and that I should do nothing more, but also she confirms (when asked) that she sometimes doesn't feel the same way. Don't get me wrong, the relationship is extremely passionate and at the same time serious (planning to move out, talking about the thought of kids and marriage) but this seemingly conditional or incomplete love of hers unfortunately seems to have an impact on my state of mind. I generally see this in the attention and reciprocation I get from her. It's easy for me to see the changes in this since I am the one who is very very loving and the one who gives lots of attention to the other. The changes are visible for example when I become playful or come close to her for a hug or a kiss. Sometimes it makes me very sad, but most importantly, my self-esteem takes a knock. The trouble is that when i'm unhappy, I have less energy and ability to make her happy doing the normal day-to-day stuff such as joking around, going out, sex, etc. When i'm happy, it's all great but when i'm not it can be miserable and it turns into a game of waiting for things to once again become happy to relive another week of normality (or at least what I think is normality - ie, both people very happy). My concern is that if I could be less effected by this, the relationship would be perfect since she is surrounded by positivity more often and feels happier, and thus making me happier, and so on and so forth.

[smackie9]

You need to stop making this relationship your ticket to happiness. You need to break away from it, enjoy a social life and your own interests without her. When you become too dependent on someone to make you happy, your relationship will fail.

[smackie9]

On another note, you are being a rebound. Her just being out of a 6 year relationship is a hard adjustment emotionally. She needs time because there is still a residual of her last relationship present. So you better just back it off and let things progress at her pace.