Fitting in his world.

[renee5525]

Hi Guys,
I've been seeing this guy for 7 months and things are good. i met 2 of his friends and some of them know me by name. My problem is that his world is so different then mine. I am black and he is italian. It never bothered me before but i never had been with anyone this long before. I feel like our worlds are different and that his friends and family would never accept me. I'm not sure if it's that way my mother keep putting the bad thoughts in my head or if it is something i should worry about. He says that he has been with other blk girls before. I'm afraid that if his family his would meet me that it would be over. He is very close to his family and friends. He has not ask to meet his family but that is always been something i am worried about. What should i do?

Thank you
Erica

[James Banes]

Talk to him about it. Seriously. It's probably on his mind too. It should be addressed if it's stressing you.

[MerryH]

I feel like our worlds are different and that his friends and family would never accept me.

Has he hinted at them not being accepting of you because of your race? Is there any basis for this fear of yours? Because automatically assuming someone will be a racist before you've ever even met them is the same kind of prejudiced thinking that you're worried about them having. Be open-minded, and all that.

If he ever starts talking about you meeting his family, then you can ask some questions, like if they've ever met any of his past girlfriends and how it went.

[blent]

You shouldn't be stressing about this. The colour of your skin does not define who you are as a person... don't worry about something like this. If skin colour is a huge issue for them, then you know they are a group that you shouldn't be getting involved with. Remember that you are the BUYER and not the SELLER. Your job is to figure out if these are the people you would like to share your life with. If not, then find someone else.

It was very upsetting to read this thread... don't allow thoughts like these to cloud your mind.

[renee5525]

He says it's not an issue but i feel like maybe it will be. I really like him and this scares me. He's talked about me to his mom and stepdad. I met his best friend and clients and some of the people that are close to him. I am not facing another issue. He says i'm special to him and that he care a lot for me. His friends says i am a keeper and he says that 3 people in his life gave him the green light about me but won't tell me who. His friends says that they like me and sees that i'm really into him and they like that i'm support him though anything. I'm faceing another issue why hasn't he change his staus on facebook. I thought maybe he wanted to keep his personal life personal but he flirts with a lot of women and says that' all it is but he know that it bothers me and that i can see it. I deleted him because of it and he got mad and told me that i have nothing to worry about to refriend him again.
He's in the music and tv business and i realize that he is going to have his groupies but it's still bothers me. What should i do? Should i talk to him about it or leave it alone. I don't want to mess with what we have. We talked about it before and he still said i have nothing to worry about please help. I can't sleep thinking about this?

[bulrush]

What evidence do you have that makes you think his family will not like you? Or are you just nervous?

Race doesn't mean much to me, but culture does. My grandparents brought over friends from Italy in the 1940s and they lived next door to my grandparents. My uncle married one of the sisters. They were nice people, but we did not have much in common but we still had some fun when we visited them. So we did not have much to talk about, and I did not fit in well, even though we were both "white". I have met some very nice black families where I would fit in just fine. I have also met some black families where we would not share any common attitudes or interests. It's about culture, interests, and attitudes, not race.

Anyway, the traditional Italian family I am familiar with is:

1. They are loud whether they are happy or fighting.
2. They fight about everything but still love each other.
3. They hug a lot. But they may not hug you because they don't want to make you feel awkward. You will have to take the lead on hugs.
4. They want you to eat a LOT. They have 10 course dinners on Sundays and holidays. If you don't eat, you will offend them.
5. They drink a LOT of wine. You will get some if you are over 8 years old. Drink at least one glass or you might offend them. They will refill it. After the first glass, you may sip the refill slowly. The wine in your glass may go to waste when the night is over. Do not worry about it.
6. They are loud.
7. They talk with their hands.
8. They may offer you gifts. Take them all, do not argue. Compliment their generosity.
9. The first time you meet them, bring a gift of a good wine, preferably from Italy. If you are old enough.
10. If things get noisy, laugh with them and have a good time.