Hey guys just a little background I am a 26yr old male and I live in a small town in Kansas

My life hasn't really been the same for the past 5 years. How it all started was I was dating this girl I was head over heels in love with. She breaks up with me the night of Christmas day what I didn't realize it till a few days late. I had no clue what was going on she wouldn't talk to me or anything so I in the dark the whole time. I come to find out she was cheating on me with 2 other guys and I knew them both. We had dated only 2.5 months but I was totally open, all guards down and attached. Afterwards I had a month where I drank to forget. I learned that it only makes it worse to a degree.

Now in the 5 years after I have committed 100% of my focus on my second love Cars. I have lost touch with several feelings except this year (2011). This year has probably been the worst year in a very very very long time. I lost 5 people (2 suicides, 1 Alcohol related, 2 health related). But through the years I have become quite strong and sort of numb to a lot of things. From learning that drinking the pain away doesn't work I have faced the pain of loss head on so I am extremely proud of myself for that.

Then I met a girl through an online automotive community. She was everything I could have ever asked for when meeting a girl. She loves cars, same music genres, list goes on how much we are alike. The only thing is we live 13xx miles away from eachother. We have met eachother in person and I have told her how I feel and how I haven't felt this happy in so long. She understands but doesn't like long distance relationships. I have become so strong that when I do actually start to feel something for someone its like being blindside suckerpunched in the heart. I don't let my guard down but its the dollar bill on the fishing line luring me out. I miss being able to hold someone, hold their face in my hands and look into their eyes. I miss the warmth in the happiness.

I have always been the selfless nice guy and always there for anyone who needs help. I need to relearn how to get out there with the confidence I have in the half of my life that involves cars. I just want to feel that unique happy again.