I need your help. To be honest I already know the answer to this but I would like to hear other peoples opinions.
To cut a very long story short, my boyfriend is in his early 40's and I am in my late 30's. We have both been married but both separated, we live separately and have been dating nearly 3 years. His sex life with his wife was awful, mine was ok with my husband but the sex life between my boyfriend and I was fantastic, there isnt anything either of us wouldnt do together, it was very adventurous. I used to wear him out! I thought he was my soul mate, we were so so close and wanted to be together for ever. He always told me I was out of his league and people questioned why I am with him but I dont just go for looks, it was the chemistry between us. I'm attractive, always get chatted up when I go out (though I walk away), am slimmer than I was before I had the kids and I really look after myself. Its made me lose my self esteem completely.
I found out a few weeks ago, because I was a little suspicious, that for the last 4 years he has been paying for sex on webcams. We are talking thousands of pounds, maybe �5k or so. He even met up with one of the girls but vowed he only had a drink with her for 25 mins or so. I doubt this. I then delved into this a bit further and found that for the last year, every couple of months he has been looking at local escort (prostitute websites), again, he has sworn he only ever looked and never touched anyone. He has offered to take a lie detector test and as been having therapy for a month now as his porn habit is clearly an addiction. Sometimes he would spend 6 hours just looking at porn, what a waste of a day! He said it was a habit that started when his marriage was breaking down and then he just couldnt stop (didnt want to stop?).
Of course I told him we were finished and we havent got back together. He wants us to be a couple again and said he will change. He has offered a tracker on his phone, he has blocked his laptop from adult content and said he would give me an itinary of where he is all the time. I have agreed to have therapy with him and we had our first session this morning. I cried when I described the man I thought he was, a good decent family man and my other half. What I see now is a dirty, fat, balding man t*ssing off to tarts at the end of a webcam.
I have lost a load of weight (I am very slim anyway), cant eat and cant sleep. He swears he hasnt paid for sex but how can he prove it? He cant, I know. Do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has an addiction that could come back at any time? I loved him with all my heart and thought he loved me too.
Help!