Boyfriend distant after night out, haven't seen him for over a week?

[staticline]

Hi guys I'm seeking advice from all of you, grateful for any input!

I have been with my boyfriend for two years, we are 23 and 25. We usually see each other around 3-4 times a week, but it does vary as sometimes we're busy people.

I last saw him 10 days ago when we made plans for the upcoming weekend. He went out with the boys that Friday for a work leaving do, and called the next day to say he had a bit of a hangover (but mostly had developed flu =P) so couldn't make our plans that night. He said he'd left early the previous night and was in bed by 11.30 due to feeling ill, however my brother had seen him drinking in town a little later than this and commented he didn't really look unwell - more like he was in it for the long haul.

He bedded up for several days and stayed in touch by phone but refused my offers to visit while he was ill. He said he was feeling better 2 days ago but needed more rest and today returned to work, so since he is on long shifts I won't see him for another few days at least. I realise this just comes down to practicalities, but I'd anticipated he'd make an effort to see me before he started shifts. It is quite unusual for us to spend so much time apart, even when unwell.

My boyfriend has lied to me often in the past about nights out (covering them up and claiming an early night or similar). He had no reason to do this as I have never had a problem with him having nights out (explicit or implied!) and only ever encouraged them - I have plenty of my own - but I guess he has pretty antiquated notions of women. Since these lies were so needless, though, I was left wondering if perhaps he'd lied because he was up to no good - I got over this for the mostpart but I am admittedly left a little insecure with him at times like this.

My boyfriend tends to deal with problems with avoidance, and in the past him distancing himself has been a sign he's been dishonest or there was some other issue. It's starting to concern me I've not seen him in a while and he hasn't acknowledged his lengthy absence. Am I worrying myself about nothing and letting my insecurities get the better of me? Should I take notice of this or write it off as a bad case of man-flu?

[sadie_genie]

No, you shouldn't ignore this. He might be going through some issues that may or may not have anything to do with you and he isn't very good at communicating. You should ask him what's wrong.

[Gypsybell]

Guess work is never a good thing in instances like this. I think you already know the answer. After 2 years you should know if this relationship is headed for marriage or live in status, or whether it is stagnant or cooling off. The fact that he can say "No, don't come over" when he's 'sick' and you obey, doesn't indicate a passionate link. Is he just bored with it and looking for more exciting fish to fry? Meanwhile keeping you on a string? Or is he a person who needs periods of solitude and just wants to deal with a bout of flu at his own pace? If you have to ask, then you have doubts based on past evidence or present instincts. You don't sound like the clingy type that he might be trying to get a breather from,( if you encourage him to have nights out and have your own ) so you should listen to your gut instincts.

Other than that, just ask him what's going on with him. If he makes any more excuses not to see you then go see him and find out.